I actually shouted :(

[twojumpingbeans]

Hello MNers.

I am a bit of a lurker on here and this is my first post...

I am a little stressed with my DD (to say the least). She is three in a few weeks and has never moved out of the 'mummy is my world' phase. I have NO SPACE. Ever. Usually we just about manage but I am getting married on Monday and am trying so desperately to get everything sorted but can't get anything done without her telling me she 'wants to have me'. It has got so bad today that I have shouted (quite loud) at her to go to her bedroom. Twice. Oh the guilt! I have never shouted at her before and always vowed never to live in a 'shouty house' but here I am doing just that, just feel so rubbish.

I went out for one hour (one hour! The cheek of it) yesterday and she spent the whole time crying and asking for me. I don't work in the school holidays but usually work four days a week (one day a week for just the two of us, usually it is LOVELY)

Anyway, I realise I am waffling a bit, DP (soon to be DH) is at work also sorting out wedding stuff and I feel as if I am going a little bit potty..

Any ideas? Please? xx

Lower your parenting standards... and fast!

And stop beating yourself up, everyone shouts at their kids, it'll do her no problem to know that the world doesnt revolve around her. Shes probably picking up on some of the wedding stress which will amplify things but you sound like a lovely mummy and a couple of shouty episodes wont hurt her.

Thank you foureleven for your really kind words. That has made me cry (what a softie I am). I am my own worst enemy really..

What is even more ridiculous is the fact that my job is delivering parenting courses and here I am falling into the trap I spend my time telling others not to (I. Am. An. Idiot.) Suppose we are all human though eh?

Ta muchly x

What foureleven said.

At three she's old enough to start to learn to 'let you go' a bit.

You are being hard on yourself. I think you only have to worry about shouting if you are doing it all the time.

You are human, give yourself a break.

Enjoy your wedding.

loads of people shout. stop beating yourself up about it. your was very minor.
you are stressed due to wedding, give yourself a break.
your parenting standards are far too high and yiu are going to give yourself a breakdown, if you don't relax.
she is too close to you and too demanding. get yourself onto some of the other lovely threads where people of similar ilk, with children who are too dependant of them too, get yourself onto some of those thread and they will help you, re-address this mis-balance, with some helpful advcie , and love and care, for you !!

Agree with everyone else, shouting occasionally really isn't that bad. It's not clear from your post whether she knew why you were shouting though. If not then in future I'd make it clearer to her - e.g. 'Mummy needs some peace and quiet to get x done, now if you can't stop whining at me then GO TO YOUR ROOM!'

Thanks for all your wise words.. You have honestly put the smile back on my (miserable!) face.

Thanks for nice thoughts for the wedding too, we wanted to wait until DD was old enough to be a part of the day rather than stuck in a pushchair (or my tummy) for the whole day, with hindsight...!?!?

Big hugs to you all. I have read when other MNers say that these forums really help but now I definitely know they do. x

Op is your dh-to-be, her dad ? how does he feel about the fact that she only wants you. must be soul destroying. last time i went to a parenting course there was a woman there for this very reason. it hurt her thta her ds only wanted her and not her dh. hurt her and was too clingy, so made like more difficult for her. she couldn't go to a works do becsue her ds wouldn't go to bed with dh. only her. i think her ds was about 1 at the time.

your dd is 3 ? how have you coped this far ? have you not talked to the other counsellors , who run other courses about your issues. i bet they would be so sympathetic. lets be honest you must be committing some of the most basic 'crimes', that you teach all your parents on your courses, not to do.

how firm are you ? what discipline techniques do you advise others to use. do you teach the 'parenting puzzle' or similar. maybe you could subconsciusly put yourself through one of your own courses !!
this is kind of ironic really. have a laugh about it.
enjoy your wedding and when you get back, tackle this head on.
mn is here to help you. MN is at its best for this kind of thing.

Hi there, thank you for your messages.

Yes, DP is her dad. They generally get on really well, I suppose it is the age old thing really that as he is working more than me inevitably she sees a lot more of me. I have suggested to DP that they ought to start doing something on a regluar basis that is exclusively 'theirs' where she wouldn't expect to see me or have me involved in any way. They plan to do this after the wedding.

Sometimes when DP tells her he loves her at bedtime she says she doesn't like him. To be honest, the only reason she says these things is for attention, she knows that this will provoke more of a reaction (in him, not me!) I am all for ignoring minor bad behaviour and praising the good stuff so I tend to ignore these silly comments. Ignoring is great if you can stick it for the long run, it all depends on your state of mind I suppose and just at the moment I am finding it difficult to ignore little things that ordinarily wouldn't phase me, I have managed not to turn into bridezilla though until two days before so I don't think I'm doing too badly.

As far as committing basic crimes, don't we all? Just because I work in parenting doesn't make me a perfect parent! By no means, perhaps all it does is encourage me to be a little more reflective and think about what I'm doing (plus, I have GREAT anecdotes for my groups ). I am very consistent with discipline but also very positive too (no naughty step in my house!). However, that isn't to say I haven't learned a HUGE amount from my work because I have and I love it. I think that most of my issues come from the fact that I am constantly putting myself through one of my courses..

As for having a laugh about it, I do. Constantly. (Hysteria!!?)

well if you commit loads of 'crimes', then welcome to MN. come on board. we all commit to many to mention. i know I do.

Some children are more clingy than others. Of course you are going to lose your temper sometimes if they constantly follow you around (I shout 'just go away' sometimes). But it doesn't necessarily mean there's a big problem. I guess I differ from some people in that I don't think clinginess is always something that has to be trained out of children. I've found that they are often very bonded at a certain time, but if you let them go through it (whilst being sensible and doing things like going out for an hour anyway even if they cry or letting daddy put them to bed even if they say they want you), they are often fine and secure after that. My dd1 wanted me around all the time til she was about three (not actually attached to me, just my presence was required), and used to sob if I went to the shops, yet when she started part-time pre-school on her third birthday, she ran in without a backward glance. She's now exceptionally independent, though still likes cuddles. My dd2 is still quite mummy oriented and says 'I just want to be with you, mummy' but again, has attended pre-school happily, especially if I visit (I'm treated like a celebrity!)

So, don't feel bad for being human, and don't worry you have to 'sort' your daughter out, she will most likely sort herself out naturally as these opportunities like nursery and school and playing at others houses come up naturally, and if it doesn't you can gently encourage her to find her feet (three is incredibly small). Have a wonderful wedding!

I'm impressed you got to 3 without shouting! It's not the end of the world and sometimes it's the wake up call my dc's need to realise mummy is at the end of her tether and they slink off to play quietly.

Have a lovely wedding day .

My son usually tells me when I am being 'shouty Mummy!' he seems unfazed by it.

I hope you have a lovely wedding, be prepared for clinging though, DS cried his eyes out all through the speeches and tried to sit on my lap all through lunch (he was 4) Try to persuade a relative to grab her if she gets too much!

He has been a total clingon since his baby brother was born, he squeezes in the smallest of spaces to be close to me when I am feeding DS2. He is getting better though.

Have a great day