Two languages, a million questions!

[SayHitIsntSo]

Hi all.
I've read back a couple of pages- the stuff here is fascinating, but I haven't found exactly what I'm looking for- most posters here have two languages spoken at home (one parent speaks one language that is common in everyday life outside the home, and the other another language- so children experience both languages from a main care provider. it is not like that with us...)

DS is 19mo, goes to an English-speaking-nursery three times a week (we have no choice about that).
As we are both foreigners in the UK and come from the same country- we speak (myself and DH) one language at home, and he hears English outside. Some of our friends speak our language, some don't (those who don't, speak English). In social circumstances I may, sometimes, speak English to him (only because I find it rude to speak a language people around you don't understand on purpose, and hate it when people do that to me).

So DS, as I've said, is 19mo and still has almost no words at all (only a handful, all in English- pup, cat, bye, mum, dad). He doesn't voluntarily name objects he sees, despite knowing the words, if he needs me or DH, he will just cry (and not say mum or dad). We've been to see a GP, had a hearing test and saw a speech therapist (but she doesn't specialise in Bilingual children). All was perfectly OK and they all thought he'll learn someday. DH and myself have started speaking at a very very early age.

Can anyone point me in a right direction- good information, books, whatever? am I being over-hysterical, and I should just "let it happen"? shall I start speaking English to him? (bad idea IMHO, since English is not my first language)

any other tips or ideas?
thank you so very much :)

Your DS sounds perfectly normal and you shouldn't worry about his progress at all.
Many families are in your situation, having one language in the home and one outside.
In many ways, this is an excellent situation as the child is forced to use both languages, one in each situation. In homes with two languages, the children often use the same language as they use outside the home and find it hard to speak the second.

Your son is only 19 months, the fact that he is speaking a few words is great. It doesn't matter which language they are of. He will simply use whichever is easier for him for the meaning he wants to convey. It will take a few more months for him to start using the word of the second language for the same meaning.

Continue to speak to him in your native tongue. Do not speak to him in English yourself. He will learn to use both languages naturally, but it will take time. By the time he's turning 3, you will see big changes. Don't start to worry about it until then.

Totally agree with Ruthchan, your DS has already a number of words he can say so he is already talking (it doesn?t matter in what language), and at this point the number of words they understand is bigger than the number of words they can say, so very soon you he?ll start saying many more. I wouldn?t worry too much about Speech Therapy right now. I also think like you that switching to English would be a bad idea because it is not your first language and there is no reason for it anyway since your DS is not late at talking and the words that he can say are actually in English. I think the reinforcement you and your husband can bring to the minority language is more important if you want him to be bilingual.

In my case we have a similar arrangement to yours. We are using minority language at home, and DS (18m) hears English outside. My husband is English, but speaks my language fluently. However, we got used to speaking to each other in English. So at home, we both speak in the minority language to DS, but he hears us speaking in English to each other.

DS also goes to nursery 3 full days and hears English there. We don?t have that many friends that speak the minority language, so when we meet my husband?s family for example, he switches to English but I still speak in the minority language to DS. I have worried sometimes about the ?rude? factor, but I cannot speak to DS in English as it doesn?t feel natural, I got used to using my language with him. So I either not talk to DS very much in front of other people or do talk to him in my language but sometimes translate what I?m saying so the other person doesn?t feel left out.

As we live in London, my experience has been that most other children are exposed to more than one language at home. Those who are monolingual English are a minority. So at playgroups and when I go out with other mothers we are used to hearing them talking to their babies in French, Italian, Polish, Chinese, Japanese, etc and it doesn?t feel strange that I use the minority language with my son outside. That has been a relief.

Now, I did wonder what language his first words would be as I have met other families in similar arrangements where their babies? first words are mostly or only English (like your case).

To my surprise, DS first words were actually in my language (ball, water, etc). And only recently we discovered that he also knows some English words that he has learned at nursery, but because he hardly uses them at home for a while I worried that he wasn?t learning any English!
When he uses those words in English at home, I acknowledge what he said but repeat the word in the minority language.

My situation is same as yours and I'd say you expect a little bit too much from your ds at this age.
Agree with RuthChan that this is great he speaks few words right now and doesn't need a speech therapist at all.
Be patient and you'll see once he starts progressing it'll be very rapid and he'll be speaking more and more words(both languages)

We are in the same situation and when DD was around 20 months she spoke a handful of words and most of them were words which sounds the roughly the same in German and English (water/wasser, tee/tea etc).

With 22-24 months there was suddenly an explosion.

She is now 3 and speaks mostly English (well with 4 full days at nursery this was to be expected) but understands German perfectly and now we start to ask her to repeat in German.

Don't worry, at this age your DS sounds perfectly normal. Read and sing a lot to him in your native language.

Even non-bi-lingual children don't necessarily speak more than your DS.

I think it is really important to keep up speaking your native language to your DS.

I was born outside the UK to non-british parents and came to the UK when I was 2. My mum said I taught myself English within 6 months from TV and nursery. Unfortunately, my parents only spoke english at home and I lost my (original) native tongue which I then struggled to pick up again in my 30's when I spent a sabbatical in my birth country.

Growing up in the UK, your son will speak english like a native but his only opportunity to speak your native language fluently will come from you and your husband.

Also, another point, if your DC's ear is attuned to more than one language, it will make it easier for him to learn more at a later stage. I am probably just going by my own experience, but my younger siblings, born and bred in the UK can only speak english, whereas I speak 3 languages fluently, as my ear just seems to pick them up quite easily....

we are in the same situation. we speak our language at home and ds is at nursery.
at the moment his german is a bit better than his english but that will change again after the summer when he switches from 2days to full time preschool.
he only started to talk quite late, first words at 18 months, but now there is no difference to the other children language wise.

Thank you ladies for your smart and sensitive comments.

Same situation as you, and the real improvement in language came at about three and a half, then it was both languages improving at the same time, a real step change over a 2 week period in both languages. it was as though a switch has been thrown.

My 2 older DCs are completely bilingual having no real preference for one or other language.