small baby and 3yo - headaches all the time, totally exhausted, better or worse from here?

[theslumbertaker]

hello

just posting to find out what other people's experiences are like. I am currently feeling totally exhausted and useless. have a 12 week old and 3yo. i am breastfeeding little one, and up a lot at night. i feel so tired all the time and I am getting very bad headaches every single day, and losing my temper more often than usual. i have snouted at my 3yo quite afew times lately, which i hate doing, but can't help it at times. problem is, i don't really have much to complain about in practical terms, all is going fairly well really, no major sibling rivalry from 3yo, and baby is very good generally. but it is just the running around after them constantly, never getting 5 mins to myself until late in the evening when i am too tired to appreciate it, physical exhauistion etc. my 3yo is also quite demanding at mo (well in general), always wants me to play, makes feel awful when i can't and so on.

so...does it get better or worse from here with this age gap? any thoughts?

TIA

You could be me!
Have 17 week old and 2.8 yr old and am broken! Nursing a terrible head today as my DD appears to be going through the 4 month sleep regression and waking every hour - ha ha.
No idea if it gets better but I hope every day that it does.

thanks gargula, it is helpful to know that i am not alone...

i have some days where i think it is all going so well, i feel like i have a good 'system' going, dd2 sleeps, is happy and contented, dd1 gets some quality time etc. then the next day can be hell. i shout, get snappy with dd1, can't play (or play really badly), dd2 ratty and won't settle. those days seem to be getting more frequent

makes me feel useless and horrible. i really don't know what i can do to try to cope better with those difficult days. i try to get them out to the park or whatever, try to rest as much as i can, don't pressure myself about housework etc (too much), try explaining things to dd1 rather than snapping. but by the end of the day, it sometimes just goes pear-shaped, regardless of how hard i try. doesn't help that dh is out for 12 hours a day and i have noone i can ask for help...

Are you drinking enough? Found my headaches disappeared when b/fing after drinking more water.

i thought it could be that ilovemydog, but even if i drink water all day, i still get the headaches. i wonder if it is just my body's inability to cope with the sleep deprivation. it comes on in the afternoons usually, when i really start craving for a rest/sleep

I was going to suggest water too, my headaches definately co-incide with not drinking enough. Some days i mean to drink but am so busy i just forget.

My 2 DD's are 12weeks and just turned 2.
Like you some days are great, others are hell!
DH is away on business this week. On Monday night when he called all was fine, Tuesday night he got me blubbing down the phone!

Toddlers are mentally and emotionally draining,add a baby and night feeds into the mix its no wonder we get abit snappy. I just keep thinking that DD1 wont really rememeber the stroppy days and try not to get hung up on it too much.- easier said than done though!

have you got anyone who could have the 3yo for you for a day or night so u can re-charge and sleep when DC2 sleeps?no helpful advice, just hope u start to feel better.x

another sufferer here! Got a 16 week old and a 2.8 year old.....am so so tired and like you on paper it looks great, DD1 very loving towards her baby sisiet and DD2 is a very chilled baby, I just feel wrecked though, Gargula my wee one is having a sleep regression and is wanting to BF all the bloody time......was in tears a couple of times this week after toddler tantrums which I feel like i should be able to handle!
Bottom line is it is so very hard!

I was you a year ago. Dd was born when ds was nearly 3. She was bf, only slept in a sling, ds went into sleep regression in protest and woke every 2-3 hrs for months. Dd now 13 months and is only just starting to sleep through...

It gets much much easier, honest. Just a bit more sleep makes it so much easier to deal with the older one. Dd has just started crawling and is trying to learn to walk, which brings its own set of difficulties, but nothing like that chronic sleep deprived stage at the start.

Don't do any housework, let the 3yo have fishfingers for tea every night and watch loads of tv. It won't be forever... we all seem to have survived it here!

another one here - 8 weeks and 2.4. DD2 is an angel but still BF a lot, DD1 is so full of energy I just can't keep up with her and end up bribing her with biscuits to sit still and watch Cbeebies. I swear she can tell when I'm tired and more likely to be a pushover as on those days she just tests the boundaries more and more until I either give in or end up shouting at her and then feel horrendously guilty.

Am just trying to enjoy the good bits - eg DD1 made DD2 laugh for the first time this morning with her piggy impressions - and forget about the bad bits, like the other night when I'd just got DD2 off to sleep at 4am, then DD1 starts screaming that she wants to get up, which woke DD2 up, and DH was away with work... that was a very tired day!

thanks for your replies all. it is so reassuring to know that i am not the only person who feels like this. on my more tired days, i manage to convince myself that i am the only person who struggles with this, making myself feel totally inadequate. i see other mums about with two or more kids, and i assume they are so much more together than i am, and obviously it is all a breeze for them. which i guess is a load of rubbish really.

i think i can be my own worst enemy at times, i beat myself up when i let dd1 watch too much telly (which i am afraid happens a lot at the mo!), or if i don't play with her enough etc. i am coming around to realising that standards just have to drop for now, and maybve that's not such a bad thing anyway.

dirtgirl - unfortunately i don't really have anyone who can have dd1 very often so i can have a rest. family help as much as they can, but they all live 3 or more hours away and are quite busy. but saying that, we have organised a few things over the next month where family are having her to stay, and dh is taking some leave too, so iam going to really try to recharge and be as lazy as i possibly can.

it isn't helping that dd2 refuses to take anything from a bottle at all, even all the ebm i spent two months expressing for her! so i just can't catch up on any sleep. i find the 2-3 hour waking such a killer. i know if i had just one stretch of 5-6 hours, the world would look so different...i find the night waking fine for the first few months, but i find sleep deprivation has such a cumulative effect, it all catches up

good news that things may get easier though i guess i just have to hang in, and take as many short cuts as i can!

hi my kids are older now, but i remember those days quite clearly because they were bloody hard work and yes i got headaches nearly everyday from being up in the night and not getting round to eating and drinking when i needed it, it does get easier, not for a while i am afraid but yes it does , sleep deprevation was my biggest prob for getting headaches that would turn in to migraines, i got up to one or the other of my kids every night in one form or another for the first 5 years of being a parent, it was exhausting, but it doesnt last, just try to take comfort in the fact that this will pass, and make sure you feed yourself first,a crying baby will be ok for a few more mins while you have a cold drink and some fruit/ yougurt/biscuit etc,look after yourself and then you will have the strength to look after them, and i promise you they wont remember who ate first in the years to come.