feeling like a really bad, crap mum

[curlyLJ]

DD is almost 5 months and has been a bit 'challenging' over the last few weeks or so...

The 4 month sleep regression is in full swing, so her nighttime sleep is all over the place and she has always been a poor napper, but now she is terrible
She is exclusively BF and even that is hard as she is constantly pinching/pushing/prodding my boobs etc. SHe has also discovered that the world is interesting and is a nightmare to feed when out and about as she just wont stay on my boob and feed!

Needless to say, I am really finding it tough at the moment. I'm not depressed, it's just some days (the bad ones) i feel like i need a break from DD and that I must be doing something wrong or she would sleep better.

Thing is I find myself getting so annoyed and short-tempered, both with DD and just in general. I shouted at her earlier when she was fighting her sleep like there's no tomorrow, and i got really annoyed with her this morning at 6am when she'd been awake for 2 hours and wouldn't go back to sleep - i'm sure she must pick up on my mood. After shouting/getting annoyed, i feel really bad and end up upset with myself, and she screams even more than she was before.

DH works long hours which doesn't help, although i have got good support from him and others. I feel like I'm doing a crap job as i know it's not her fault and i shouldn't allow myself to take it out on her and i need to find a way to keep calm and not get stressed

Please tell me a)i'm not the only one and b)it wont always be like this.

as soon as you feel yourself getting uptight and upset and about to shout, just leave the room pronto (obviously make sure you put your baby in a safe place before leaving the room) - I know how you feel, I was like this with my first-born and it is HARD. Don't beat yourself up about it. Remember so many other mums are having similar dilemmas to you and it will get better. They do eventually sleep through the night. I only shouted at DS1 the once and it scared me how I could be so upset over a newborn crying. I think I was trying to get showered for a GP appt and he kept crying and I just got frustrated that he wouldn't just stop (turns out he had a bit trapped wind and the situation was easily resolved).

I have a 3 week old and a 3 year old and am surprised (so far!) at how I am coping with sleep deprivation. Once DH is back at work I'm sure I'm in for a big shock as it will be so hard getting on with it all myself and juggling both their needs. You must look after yourself. Remember that :)

You aren't and it WON'T.
Babies are blardy hard work. I would like more children but after the hard work of two babies I won't be having any more. Honestly if they could just magically appear aged 4/5yrs I would have another in a flash!

I would challenge you to find a mum who hasn't ever shouted at their children on here. HONESTLY, when you are tired and it's the worst thing in the world for making your patience levels disappear.

Maybe she isn't sleeping because she's teething, I'm sure it's not because of anything you are doing. She will settle back down to her routines eventually.

I'm sure there will be someone else with more current experience who can help soon (my dc are both in school now!)

Take care!

thanks for replying.

I think it is teething FatGirlThin, but how long might this go on for if it is? I can't even feel a tooth in her gums... It's also affecting bedtime (I have also posted on the sleep board) and it's taking ages to settle her (which isn't helping things as I have hardly any evening) and of course when she wakes in the night, she takes so long to settle. In the end I have given her Nurofen tonight because she seemed to be clawing at her ear and shoving her fist in her mouth, but I can't drug her give her this every night, can I?

I thought I would be quite a patient mum - she was so very wanted (took years to finally have a baby) - which that makes me feel even more guilty for the shouting/getting annoyed as I love her so much, but she just wears me out when she just will not sleep! I know it's a phase and I know it will pass, but I just get worried that I can be shouting at such a tiny baby - what will I be like when she hits the terrible twos for instance?

When she hits the terrible twos you won't be totally knackered, so will be able to cope. Also the terrible twos can be a bit entertaining at times. Don`t forget to video a couple of tantrums for later in life.

What helped me with all of this was joining groups of other mums because I shared my experiences with them and I didn't feel so alone then.

MyDS is nearly six months, and I only have the one so I am by no means an expert, but the four month sleep regression is fresh in my mind! I also felt the rage bubbling up a few times when I was SO TIRED and he wouldn't settle down. I snapped at him once and it just made him worse, made me cry with the guilt, so now I just take a deep breath, make sure he is somewhere safe and leave the room for 20 secs.
I am sure your little girl will cheer up soon, and don't beat yourself up - it is absolutely no reflection on your parenting, the very fact that you re so worried speaks volumes.
Look after yourself xx

Curly - teething is an utter pain (for everyone) - it does last for ages but on and off so not constant. I wouldn't give neurofen straight off though, it can be a bit tough on the tummy, calpol is better. Good luck

It sounds like you're tired and I expect if you could get a few hours rest in the day sometimes you would feel more patient. If you feel like shouting,just leave the room for a minute, take a big breath and tell yourself you don't need to shout and it won't help (or shout into a towel and come back). Its not a habit you'll want to keep up, you'll just feel bad all the time. I hope things improve on all sides for you and I'm sure with rest, they will.