play date etiquette

[eml71]

My FIL has started watching our DD on Friday afternoons for a couple hours as I'm due with our second in two weeks.

My DH's relatives heard of this and decided to arrange a play date with their granddaughter and our daughter. They are in town while their daughter in pregnant to help her out. They emailed us two days ago and suggested the idea but we didn't get back to them. They then came around FIL's house and said they would be coming over on Friday afternoon to have the play date.
FIL called confused and said 'are we still on for Friday', I say 'I think so', he says 'OK, well this situation has been arranged and I don't want to inconvenience the relatives so can you make it over here at this time.'
DH and I are confused. What are the play date protocols? Should the other family have waited for us to get back to them?

The reason we were unsure of the whole thing is that DD just went to a birthday party of another relative where she was the youngest by far and it was awkward and she felt left out a bit. The child for the play date coming up in a bit younger than ours and we worried that maybe it might happen the other way round. Generally we like the concept of the kids playing.

Also, due to my state of preggers my brain is fried and I feel like it's a bit more organizing that I can cope with. Everyone was getting all uppity about the times and the activities. Also, the mother of the little girl never contacted me, I got the 'instructions' all third hand.

We feel bad putting FIL in middle, but wonder if he could have called us when the relative wasn't at his house and ask if we thought it was ok first. I'm a hormonal bundle so don't know if I'm probably over reacting.
Any advice?

i dont think there are any 'rules' it sounds like all the parties are yoiur families?

I think that they probably should have waited for you to get back to them. I'm asuming that they have now arranged a time that your DD was not going to be there.

I think you are over reacting a bit to the ides of not having a play date at all, in case of them not playing well, when you don't really know.

I think you need to get back to them and say actually DD is going to be at FIL at this time. However I also think FIL should have some say as to whether he wants visitors at all.

Yeah, they are all relatives of my husband.

I think we wish they waited for our response instead of by passing us and going straight to FIL. I think I'm pretty hormonal though so don't know if I'm over reacting.
Since FIL didn't know what was going on he set it up and then told me about it.

We like play dates. We want them to play together. I just would prefer to be there since there is the age difference.

Could you maybe say you would rather DD had time with her DGF. And arrange another time for them to visit you.

I think we could reschedule, but given I'm due to pop any day, I should probably just go along on Friday since I don't know when we can arrange again.
DD will most likely have fun, and I'll just be short a bit of rest.
When I've written it all down, I think I'm just peeved they didn't check with us before organizing. But maybe they figured I'd probably not get around to it.