'Going off' older DC after birth of new baby?

[Wholelottalove]

I'm pg with DC2. The other day I found the NHS birth-five book I was given when DD was born. In the section about having another child it states that at first you may feel you don't love your older child as much/enough and that some parents will experience a period of 'going off' their older child for a while.

Just curious for those who have more than one DC, did this happen to you? How did you deal with it?

Happened to me.
It was a huge shock, I thought something was wrong with me.
A close friend admitted she felt the same after DC2.

It's a massive taboo, I think.

I reckon it must be a natural thing to make sure you focus on the baby and give the older child some independence. (I'm basing that on nature documentaries you understand!)

It gets easier, but was more pronounced going from 1-2 than when I went from 2-3.

It didn't happen with me (I have 4), but I can sort of understand how it can. It makes a sort of biological sense. With all of mine, I think I just felt guilty about the time not spent on the older DCs and the time the new baby took up, and probably over-compensated.

i was the opposite to be honest as i felt my motherly love towards dd1 was stronger than ever and still is (dd1 - 5.10 and dd2 1.11yrs old).

Thanks for your response cranky. I'd not really thought of it before and did wonder if it was a bit of a taboo. My worries have been in the other direction so far - as DD is my first worried I won't love DC2 as much/DC2 won't be as special etc etc.

I didn't not love DS as much, but I did find him more loud/boisterous/annoying. Partly this was probably because I was contrasting him with small passive baby, partly because I was tired and trying to cope with two children, and partly because he was playing up a bit for attention.

Once I could leave DD for a few hours I made a big effort to do stuff just with DS to reconnect and give him plenty of attention.

i can understand it too, as prob cos its a new baby and you become all excited as you waited for 9 mths to meet this little person. Also, your mind takes up most of the baby stuff ie feed the baby, change nappy, change dirty clothes, etc and sort of forgetting about your eldest. But it will all soon changed.

I did that. Although for me it wasn't that black and white, I flip flopped between the pair of them.

So one day I felt that DD1 was too loud and boistrous and was super-protective to my newborn, scared that DD1 would hurt her. The next day I would be frustrated at DD2 for keeping me up at night, so that I didn't have enough energy to play with poor DD1. The next day I would be mother-tiger with DD2 again.

It didn't last for too long. And I had been forwarned by a friend who had exactly the same experience.

Sorry, x-post with others - thanks biglips and hassled :)

I would say I have had a mixture of MrsTittlemouse's and ProfLayton's experiences. I adore ds and really agonised about having dc2 as I was worried about not being able to dedicate so much time to him. However I can totally relate to the flip flop thing too, ds never stops, he talks ALL the time and is very physical. It's exhausting and sometimes I think how easy and lovely it would be with just dd, she's so smiley and quiet! That said, she can be so frustrating, when she's tired I think "why can't you be like your brother and just go to sleep instead of screaming like this?"