friendship problems

[esmeroo]

Hi, have recently joined mumsnet and I hope someone can offer me some advice.

Daughter is 10 and had same best friend since pre-school.

My daughter invited another girl in class to join them because she had been "dumped" by her best friend and was upset. My daughter's best friend started to become unhappy at this and asked my daughter not to keep playing with her (were having play dates also). Suffice to say she continued to play with both of them and explained to her best friend that no one would come between them.

However over last couple months her best friend started to invite this same friend for sleepovers etc and has stopped inviting my daughter. My daughter has spoken to her and she replied that her mom wants her to play with this new friend as my daughter is getting too friendly with same friend.

I am very good friends with new friends mom and explained that my daughter is upset at being excluded. I'm disappointed in her because she knows how upset my daughter is but still allows this to happen. (though not sure what expect her to do, rather childish for me to expect her daughter not to attend sleepovers!)

Her best friend's mom has always been involved in playground politics and does a lot of networking on daughter's behalf. spoken to her recently and she said how busy her daughter's social life was with all the different friends she now plays with.

Apologies for going on somewhat! I never expected to have to be part of a situation like this. Feels like I'm back at school myself! I really dont know what to say to my daughter and how to explain any of this. She's already not had good year as Im undergoing chemo for cancer so everything is very sensitive.

Many Thanks

Thats sounds awful your poor daughter, I would try and encourage your daughter to have other friends if at all possible - are there any holiday activities in your area that she could attend? Maybe a few mother daughter days where you can do special things together?

The parents sound very childish and not setting good examples to their children
If you have already spoken to both mums not sure what else you can do

Best of luck

Thanks lemonade girl.

She's booked into some drama classes over the holidays so hope this will be a distraction.

Keep telling myself that this is a learning curve so as not to show her how hurt I am at this.

Thanks.x

Sorry you and dd are having such a difficult time. The friends and their mothers sound quite insensitive.

Agree with lemondade girl - do what you can to widen your dd's circle of friends. That way, if one friendship is in a tricky patch, there are others she can turn to. Also a good idea not to have all her friendship 'eggs in one basket' as girls are notoriously fickle.

Give some thought to which other girls she might enjoy - in the neighbourhood, at school, at church, at brownies, etc, and invite them over.

Good luck to you both.

i totally kept out of it - especially aged 10. they fight, they make up, they fight.... just be there for tears and sleepovers with icecream

Thanks you for your advice. It's good to be able to talk about it with others. I do feel a bit silly to let this upset me. I am just rather shocked that parents behave like this and not consider how they would feel if the same was done to their child. x