do u think there is a Best age gap to have

[jbells]

between having dd1 and having another? or is there no right time ;)

I'm going for 3 years but I dont know if its gonna be good or bad?

Depends what suits you really. Everyone will tell you the gap they have is the best.
We're hoping for 3 years and up (ttc now..DS 2.5) as it works for us financially, is when I feel OK about being pregnant again, got some childcare for DS now in the mornings and I think he'll be a nice age when the baby, if there ever is one, comes along.
Other people will tell you that anything more than 2 yrs is disastrous and will result in the first child being insanely jealous, blah blah de blah.

Go for what suits you.

Good luck.

Well, I'm hoping 17 months age gap will be good.

I think 3-5 yrs would be a great age gap. My broher is 5 yrs younger than me and we are very close. Never had all this sibling rivalry that a lot of people talk about. We just always seemed to have each others backs iygwim.

However, thinks don't all turn out how we planned so I'm going for 17 months still. (not like I have a choice now. Dc2 is due in 5 and a bit weeks.

I liked a 20m gap so much that I went onto have a 23m gap and a 21m gap afterwards .

Downsides:

It's exhausting. Please don't underestimate how exhausting it is being heavily pregnant with a toddler and then trying to care for a toddler and a newborn.

The toddler doesn't get as much of your input as he/she would if you had a larger age gap.

Upsides:

The toddler is too young to really take offence at hte baby coming along

It is not long before hte toddler can't even remember a time when the baby wasn't there

When they're older, they can play so many games together, on a nearly-equal footing

No - not in terms of them getting along anyway, that's more about personality IMHO.

How many pre-schoolers can you cope with at once is more to the point

lifeas3plus1 wow a 17 month gap that was quick :) itll be nice that they can play together and will prob be really close growing up, im thinking bout a 2.5 gap, dd is 16 months now and thinking of starting trying agen, think dp would wait 5 years tho after dd not sleeping thru the nite for 12 months lol :o

haha thanks for comments, i bet it is really exhausting being pregnant with toddler and sleepless nites with newborn and then running round crazy all day hehe, getting extremely broody tho, have obviously forgotten how difficult it was :o

I have a 20/21month gap and while it is fine for the children, I have found it very hard. But it would probably be hard no matter which age gap you have. Just the broken nights plus someone else to entertain all day is the worst thing IMHO - a small baby wakes you all night but doesn't need much entertaining and sleeps quite a bit - the toddler ensures you don't get to nap and catch up.

DD 3.4 and DS 19m so they play together quite well now, but fight a lot too, mostly because DD is at a very bossy age.

I think being heavily pregnant with a young toddler was probably worse than the actual having a newborn plus bigger child.

I am quite sure DD doesn't remember a time when it was just her.

Yeah, but think of getting all those sleepless nights out of the way in one go! You get used to them anyway, after a long time of them. I haven't had a full night's sleep for over 7 years now, and unless I'm ill or have an unusually bad night, I'm fine with it! More exhausted because of the huge amount of daytime work required when you have 4 children!

But I am pleased I've done it this way round - every milestone my DD4 passes (now 22m), DH and I are chuffed to bits it's the last time! Not that we would have not done it if we had our time again - we've just done it all enough now and are looking forward to a baby-free future!

mrs wobble i agree with the getting it out the way :) altho i think just one more would do me nicely , cant imagine where people have the energy to run round with 4, altho i think theres something really special bout a big family dp wants 3 but im sticking to 2 for the time being untill i say just one mlore hehe

No. There's no perfect gap because so much depends on the personality of the baby which you can't predict. You have to wing it and hope for the best.

hehe - we initially wanted lots; then had an horrific pregnancy with DD3 and decided no more...and then wanted DD4. And I can't believe how different I feel after having her! I have never felt so unbroody before in my life! I've clearly completed my family as far as my body and mind are concerned and it feels great

lol thats good, im hoping i feel the same way afta dc2 just in the process of buying house so, think itll be nice to have another baby once were all settled :)

lifeas3plus1 - We have just short of 16 months between our two and its lovely but very very busy. I'm hoping that they will be great play mates for each other once DD2 gets a little older (shes only 7 weeks now).

gok thats really nice my dd has just turned 16 months and she keeps me on my toes at all time bet your very very busy hehe

I planned on 3 years (it'll be just under 3.5 years in fact) after reading books on how attachment in the first 3 years with mum was really important. However I now think that 2.5 would have been perfect for MY ds. I do agree that it all depends on the children involved. I've had a couple of people go on incessently about how it's much better to have them within 2 years of eachother and how worried I must have been that I couldn't conceive, never once thinking that maybe it's a choice. I've since learned that it's because they were having such a hard time themselves. So I'd just make your own decision, based on your own life.

MrsPickles - Yes, the only thing I don't like about my 16 month gap is the dreaded double buggy. Its impossible to find a good one, none of them tick all the boxes (fit in boot, fit through back door, fold easily etc), in the end we just bought the best of a bad lot!

yeah, there is a 3.5 year age gap btween me and my first brother and we were really close as kids and r still close and c each other regularly, but me and brother 2 have a 10.5 year age gap and rnt close at all, def wont be waiting that long tho lol, think ill be starting trying to concieve agen now and aim for around a 2.5 age gap, u mite hear me saying i regret it this time nxt year haha. my mum keeps telling me u must be crazy 1 is enuf im thinkin u had 3! shes prob just dreading twice the babysitting duties :o

I agree it depends a lot on personality, but a fairly close age gap perhaps makes it more likely there will be some shared play ability or interest (similar size for playparks, playgroups, film choices etc?). Equally a larger gap means the first gets more solo time from parents. There will always be pros and cons to every gap.

There are 4 years between my brother and I and I think it caused stress and frustration when we were expected to play together. My two have 19 months between them which given DC2 is 8 weeks old is going fine so far! (I'm finding the nipper 360 double pram easy to use and fun to push about BTW!) I'm expecting tough times, eg when DC2 starts to crawl, but I am enjoying getting all the nappies and milk/weaning out of the way as fast as possible.

Ultimately, though, it's something that can't be planned neatly! We were lucky to fall pregnant the second month of trying, but if it had taken months or years that would be the gap, whatever we had wanted!

I am hoping a 16 month age gap will work I am terrified! My DS is a handful, so goodness knows how it will be with a newborn too!

lol eth37 my dd is 16 months def a challenging age where there into everything and cant keep your eyes off them for a second, i take it your pregnancy was a nice unexpected surprise then :)