The Astounding Disappearing DS - how do I stop him doing this?

[MmeLindt]

DS is 6yo. He is very independant, very sweet, very determined and very very easily distracted.

When we are out he often wanders off if he sees something that he finds interesting. There is no malice or intent to hide/annoy me - he is just sometimes in his own wee world.

Yesterday we were at a fun fair with DD (8yo) and friends whose children are the same age as ours.

DS constantly disappeared. Either running on ahead and not looking back or stopping to look at something. I spent most of the time making sure he was still there, or searching for him.

By the end of the afternoon he had to take my hand and walk with me (which he did not want to do).

Recently on holiday he disappeared at the beach, in the two minutes it took for me to take the towels out of the bag, put the blanket down and get my shoes off. He was away for about 20 minutes, by which time the life guards were searching the beach, I was almost going mad with worry. He was found further up the beach. He had gone down to the water and thought that the beach was a bit dirty where we were so had gone further up where the sand was cleaner. He was sitting digging in the sand, completely oblivious to the fact that we were all searching.

I really don't know what to do, short of tying him to my belt loops with a scarf.

It does not seem to get through to him that I worry when I cannot see him. We have talked about it. When we found him on the beach, I grabbed him and sobbed all over him and he was sorry that he had worried me but it has not made him more careful.

Any ideas?

No, Colditz. Am pretty sure that he does have ADHD.

His concentration is good in other things. Can play with Lego for ages. Or draw. No problems in school. He is just such a dreamer.

no i don't think it's soft - if it doesn't work for your family to punish for this situation then i understand

have you ever considered using (good quality expensive) walkie talkies?
when he disappears you could bleep him and find out where the hell he has gone?

Hmm, not a bad idea. I suspect he might deliberately get lost though, he would love a walkie talkie.

Sounds just like my ds1, he's 7 in Oct, I've wondered about ADHD myself.

YOu can buy a device that goes on them that sounds an alarm when you press the buttom remotely, our local lloyds chemist sells them? That would be useful but you need to find a consequence that works asap - could you instigate a card system where he has to tell you where he is going and you give him a "pass" to say that it's okay to go - that way you must have heard him and agreed to it - you could even write on it where he has agreed that he is going?

child locator

www.lloydspharmacy.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=1008&storeId=90&productId=4004&langId=-1&parent_category_rn=18414&top=&top_category=18412&fromPage=&hotspot_prefix=BabyChild

i would buy one of those wrist rein thingies.

sorry, but it's dangerous if he is wandering off, regardless of whether he knows he is doing it or not

i would have a blanket "if you don't stay near me, it goes on" rule.

We were at the supermarket today and he did stay with me.

We agreed on a codeword (banana cake) when he wanted to go and see something.

And he did not get lost once. :)

I have not looked up the ADHD symptoms, Cheeseandgherkins, but there has be not mention of problems from school and he does not really have any other issues. Is there anything else that makes you think that?

My DS is very similar. He is nearly 5 and for him its part of his Aspergers I think.

He goes on reins sometimes, most times he goes on the buggy board with DS2 in the buggy (although obviously this wouldnt work if your DS is your youngest!). When DS1 is at his worst for legging it off out of sight I strap him in the buggy.
I think its important to have a quite firm consequence for doing it myself. Even though DS is not being naughty and just genuinly wanders off without thinking, the only way he will start thinking about what he is doing is if there are consequences.

A wrist strap is a good idea.

Sorry I meant that I've wondered it about my ds1. He finds it really hard to pay attention, I can say something to him and literally seconds later he has no idea what I've said and really seems to be unable to control himself. He's had a few issues at school with slow to learn reading, talking a lot, unable to keep attention on things all the time etc. He's also a very bouncy little boy and is "up" constantly.

Ds2 (3 and a half) is easier than ds1 most of the time. He'll run away too, cannot seem to stay at my side ever, loses his temper too but he's an extremely lovely, sensitive and affectionate little boy. He gets up before 6am most days but never seems tired either!

It's hard though as he has also been abused by his father (as have my other two children) which we're just dealing with and trying to work through now. Contact order hearing on Friday as I stopped contact when I found out so they have many issues from that, it's hard to know what is what. Long story though that I've posted about.

Cheese
How heartbreaking for you and your boys. Hope the court hearing goes well next week.

I have just had a quick look at the symptoms of ADHD and I have to say that I don't think that DS fits. He is full of energy but can also sit and concentrate on something. He is not reading yet (as they start later in Switzerland) but has a good start on the alphabet and is starting to read simple words, putting together letters he knows.

He is actually very tidy and organised, likes things to be in their place but is not obsessive about it.

Reading that list, I did inwardly diagnose a little boy in his class though. It was like reading a description of him. :(