Feel like I'm going a bit mad

[whippybamboo]

Hi, can anyone help or identify!? I have just had DC2, my DS is 3 years and this DD is now about 3 1/2 weeks old.

I had no idea that I would find it so hard to manage two which makes me a bit of a wuss I know. I know plenty of women have 3 or more and seem to be unflappable and manage well. I feel that I am most definately not managing and that is with lots of support from DP. I am constantly feeling on edge and panicked. Getting out the house takes 2 hours, my little girl cries when I put her down, so having a shower or trying to do anything is a matter of doing it in a huge rush. I don't what is wrong with me, I feel so chaotic.

Also I feel my relationship with my DS is deteriorating as is his behaviour. Whilst he is quite lovely, gentle and sweet with his new sister, he is really horrible and difficult with me. Spitting at me, (or pretending to be a dragon with fire as he says, but still), and the angrier I get he just laughs at me, He's hit me kicked me and generally is being a horror. I am really having a feeling of , ' just get him away from me'.....which is a painful feeling for any parent. My parenting skills are out the window and I'm ashamed to say I'm dealing with my DS all wrong; shouting at him and even, (this is awful), after he'd spat at me the umpteenth time shoving him with my foot. I just feel out of my depth and very tearful as I love my son and I would love our relationship to become better. Of course I can't give him as much attention these days.

Just feeling ashamed at my inability to be a good mum and general lack of parenting. Someone tell me this will get easier. I don't know if maybe I've got a touch of the post natal blues

Sorry long rant

Please don't be ashamed! Everything you're saying sounds totally normal. The first 3/4 months are like this, they're very tough! It's just about getting through each day for now. Don't put pressure on yourself to do too much please. As long as you're all clean and fed each day anything else you manage to do is a bonus Most day's we stayed in/played in the garden/watched tv/slept, ate, got dressed and went to bed again! We managed an occasional walk around the block! But trust me you're doing great I had those feelingd towards ds1 for a short while, but that too passes, I'm pretty sure it's normal.

You are not the only one... I have a 2.5 DS1 and 9 months old DS2 and today, I am officially ready to resign as their mother. Who do I submit my resignation to???!!!! Just before DS1 had his nap, he managed to somehow empty his milk bottle all over himself, his pillow, his bed, which warranted me shouting at him while changing his sheets, his clothes and putting his pillow in the wash... DS2 started crying because he was hungry, would not go into his highchair so I had to feed him while he was on my lap so crumbs went EVERYWHERE. DS1 started on about being hungry at the same time. Both boys are asleep now but DH is working today and I just want to run away... But I am having a bad day today though. The first 6 months were pretty hellish, I would admit but things got a whole lot easier when DS2 turned 7 months old...

I do mostly enjoy my days with them now. I feel very lucky to have two beautiful healthy boys and their developing relationship is a joy to watch. Yesterday, DS2 was chuckling away like mad because DS1 was playing with the spring door stopper behind the front door. Do what you can survive at this stage. Give your DS a little more time to settle as well, he's only little. We found the first month horrendous in terms of DS1's behaviour towards DS2 but he really loves his little brother now. Won't let me leave him anywhere! :)

I also found it very difficult when my DD arrived and DS was 22mths. I used to get really seriously cross with him and shout and generally be a horrible mum. It was like I suddenly expected so much more of him. And this is at a time when his whole world has changed. I felt stressed alot and out of my depth.

But gradually over 3-4mths things calmed down. In hind sight I think I had post natal depression and should have been on something for it. Have just started taking anti-deppressants because my pmt was making me have terrible days of blackness. Wish I'd got them when DD was littler ( she's now 17mths).
Apparently there are ones that are safe when breast feeding.
I found telling my DS I was sorry helped me and maybe him too? After shouting or being mean to him that is. Also just the regular out pouring of my woes to anyone that would listen helped loads.
Hang in there you're doing fine and it will all get easier.

Thank you so much for your identification, it helps more than you can know at this stage. And knowing it will get better is so helpful, as is trying to get through a day at a time. Actually I can see that though on the surface DS1 is very affectionate to his new baby sister, of course his whole world has changed and he's not getting as much closeness with me. I really hope his behaviour changes, please please, as it's so very challenging and I haven't a clue how to deal with it.

So happy to know I'm not the only one.Thanks guys.....

Someone told me when I was expecting DC2 that having two children would feel like having three, and they were right. I remember sitting on the stairs with a crying newborn DD in one arm and a crying 2 year old DS1 in the other, thinking I don't know WTF to do to make them happy so I'm going to just keep sitting here.

It feels like a lifetime ago now - that DS1 is 23 , and I'm now on DC4, but the fact the memory is still so vivid is testament to what a complete, exhausting, ummitigated nightmare it can be. So go easy on yourself - things really do only get better.

I'm there! DD is three and DS is five months. It is SO hard; I look at other people with more children and just marvel at how calm they seem. Chaotic is definitely the word for us.

DD's behaviour is also terrible at the moment - she just won't listen. Then, as I'mm so sleep deprived, I lose my patience, she is aggressive, and on it goes. It's just hard. I burst into tears on the side of the road today (mitigating circumstances - our car broke down when we were on the way to see friends, and I was feeling rubbish because work have turned down my flexible working request and I don't know what we are going to do.)

So you are not alone. But hear this - it gets better. Try to embrace the chaos a bit - spend the morning watching Cbeebies and don't feel guilty. Don't worry about doing everything perfectly - just try to get through each day.

Have you got a swing that will fit in the bathroom? a godsend for me.

Anyway, hope it helps hearing there are lots of us who feel the same. Congrats on your DD, by the way!

I was at the park yesterday at some stupid fun day and I was trying to stop DS1 from pouring sand into water and vice versa while trying to stop DS2 from eating dried leaves (he seems so fond of eating leaves... ). And this mother who was sitting serenely on the bench texting away asked what my age gap was and I said 20 months. She said to me she had the same gap and hers were 1.5 and 3 and she said to me soon it will get much better and I will be texting away on a park bench while the kids play together... She gave me a piece of advice which was to 'choose your battles' meaning I should just leave DS1 to it as he wasn't really doing anyone any harm mixing the sand and water up. I said to her I was worried about what the other parents think and she said 'Screw what they think!' Bless her!

Things do get a lot better and now I see parents with toddler and a newborn and I feel so, so sorry for them, knowing what they have to go through... Take good care of yourself. :)