Playing by self

[swoosie]

My 4yr old ds struggles to play by himself, constantly following me around, wanting me to play with him. I dont think Im being unreasonable asking him to amuse himself for periods of time to allow me to do housework etc. He has loads of toys and rarely plays with them. He prefers to be playing with friends going to park etc but this cant happen all of the time. Its getting to the point where I am finding this really difficult as I would love him to be able to entertain himself. My friends children all seem to love playing with their toys and I seem to be forcing mine to play with toys that other children would love to play with! Is this normal behaviour?

Sounds like my big brother. My mum never got a moment's peace . His son is exactly the same.

I was very independent and still love my own company. It's looking like my son will be the same as me.

Lucky you At least I know he isnt the only one, tho it does really get me down at times. Overall he is a great boy however if I could just tackle this issue I would feel much happier and more confident that he is normal!

I'm sorry it wasn't very helpful. But it is definitely normal.

Thanks. This is the first time I have done this so not sure what to expect!

I have a 3.10yr old boy who was pretty much the same. Very sociable at pre-school, playgroup, playing with next door kids, etc, which is great, but until a few months ago didn't "do" playing on his own, either. It got to be a bit of drag when I couldn't even hang the washing out without my little cling on!

I found that the key was sparking his imagination. Rather than doing jigsaws or board games, etc, we would start to play with some cars or some toy characters or similar. He loved acting out scenarios, making them talk to each other, re-enact a film ("Cars" by Pixar was a favourite). Once he was fully absorbed I'd say "I'm just off to do the washing up for a couple of minutes, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me". I then just stretched out the time I left the room for. Worked for us, he's now happy to play by himself for a reasonable amount of time and it allows me to get a lot more done.

However he doesn't wanted to play by himself all the time, and if he's in one of those moods then I draft him in to help with whatever chores need doing! He likes to hand me clothes pegs, helps to take the bins out, water the garden with the hose, help push the vacuum cleaner, etc. You the get to the stage where you can ask "Do you want to help me do X or would you prefer to play with your cars by yourself for a bit?".

I have a 3 year-old dd and she won't play by herself for a minute!

But she's my 3rd child and I've become a bit more philosophical about it rather than get frustrated. She'll be at school next year and one day she won't want my company at all so I may as well make the most of it now.

I know how frustrating it is though. I have to put on a bit of cbeebies if I have stuff to do.

My DS's were both like this but much better now (6 and 8). There are two choices: either put the TV on while you're doing stuff you have to get done (like cooking) or get them to "help", such as loading the washing machine, give them a duster while you are hoovering etc. But be warned that the jobs will take a bit longer than they usually do . DS2 loves putting the washing out - he uses about 5 pegs per pair of pants but it keeps him busy!!

Thanks for all your advice, its so comforting to know that other people are experiencing it too. Will take on board your suggestions, persevere and try to keep calm :)

And remember, your child will be in school soon and for the best part of the day he won't be home following you around.

My DD can play by herself but my friend's 4 year old DD and 8 year old DS have never played with toys and are rarely able to play alone (unlike her middle DS, 6 who can play alone). Her solution is to load them up on lots of social activities eg football, crafts with friends etc. She gets a break when they are at school.