4wk old & I need some support

[thislittlesisterlola]

I have a 4 week old ds who like most small babies wont be put down until he is fast asleep. I understand this and he is always in my arms until he asleep. I am, however really struggling with the reality of this. I am getting a sling to put him in to enable me to do anything! In the meantime does anyone have any tips? I just need some handholding tbh that this will pass and i wont have to dash to wee before he cries forever and i can shower again without dp being here to hold him. Its just abit relentless. I love having cuddles and watching him grow. He sleeps well at night but catnaps all am then a big sleep pm. He's feeding every 4 hours. I dont want to expect too much from him as he is still little. I just worry im doing something wrong or not enough. Sigh. Thank you for reading my rant any kind words and support welcome

Of course you're not doing something wrong - tiny babies are puzzling, exhausting and fretmaking as well as wonderful This stage certainly will pass, but I dimly recall finding 3-4 weeks a particular pinch point, as the birth hormones wore off and I realised I was destined to smell of baby sick for at least a year

If he's feeding regularly, sleeping well, growing and thriving then you are doing everything right. Not to mention all those lovely cuddles He is getting everything a tiny baby needs. Be proud of yourself

And make sure you're eating and drinking enough! I got really dehydrated in the first few weeks.

I found an electronic mobile handy as my DS loved watching it whirr round for 10 minutes. I used to turn it on and get quick showers and toilet trips done.

I didn't like the first few weeks TBH. No idea what I was doing. It gets much better.

I used to bring the moses basket into the bathroom so I could shower with DS right there, in case of crying A sling is a brilliant idea, btw - mine was an absolute godsend as he would spend hours happily snuggled up while I drank copious amounts of hot tea.

If your local cinema does parent+baby screenings, I recommend them. DS used to sleep all the way through whatever film it was, and I got to feel like part of the world again for a couple of hours.

As a first time mum of a DS (now 10 months) I spent every evening he was asleep reading books / internet etc trying to find out how to "do things right", how to be the best mum for him.
What I have only just realised in the last week or so, is that I am the best mum for him because I am his mum & I love him so much.
Time goes so very quickly & before you know it he will be almost a year old (I know it's probably hard to believe that right now), but trust in your instincts, love & enjoy those cuddles & please do the one thing I didn't let myself do..... exactly what you want to when he's with you in the day. (I wanted to just sit & play with him etc, but forced myself to clean, cook, wash etc as I thought I had to be the perfect wife to.) - Turns out hubby didn't expect any of it!!!

thank you all for your quick and supportive replies. This boy can stay awake a good couple of hours. Milk doesnt always knock him out but he is on150 ml/3 oz i dont want to overfeed. They are only small for such a short time i wish i could relax more. We have a rocker chair which is too similar to being put down for him. I guess it all just takes time. I think dp and i need a routine rather than our little man. He has a dummy he seems to need to suck alot. I fed him at 6 how is he still awake? He sleeps better at night than during the day- we are lucky but my head is spinning. I am learning to trust my instincts with him. They are very puzzling dp does not understand how hard it is being at home all day with a nb sounds awful but i need bit of timeout when dp gets home- to shower at least! Once he is bigger and he and i have our own little routine going i know it will be easier but until then I've seemingly lost his instruction manual

That all sounds totally normal, honestly. Time loses all meaning when you're with a newborn all day. Re. the feeds: I found a note in last year's diary, made when DS was about 4-5 months old, noting all his sleeps and feeds that morning - at least 6 or 7 feeds and lots of little catnaps.

It does take time to adjust to everything - not for nothing have I heard the newborn days described as a lifequake. Give yourselves time, you are all getting to know each other still

mrspickles- I have noticed he does get overtired as he fusses a lot after being winded its like he cant settle.I dont really know what to do about that. I put him down after 1.5 hour awake time this morning and he was very fussy but settled and fell asleep on me and then I put in his crib- I warm the crib first with a hot water bottle. He takes a while to settle at the moment. Are you suggesting i keep him up for up to 1.5 hours ish then put him down awake? Sorry sleep deprivation im not sure i quite understand

What Mrspickles is saying makes total sense to me. The way I read it, putting him down after 1.5hrs awake is exactly what is being suggested. - Thinking about it it's just what I started doing with DS when he was havin probs going down for naps. (but he was quite a lot older & I did 2 hrs because of it.)
It may be that he doesn't really give off sleepy signs (as so many don't) & by doing the 1.5 hrs of awake time only, you'll in effect be anticipating his need for rest.
Good luck!

Ahh I see that makes perfect sense sorry was so tired earlier my brain coul not engage. Will try this as of tomorrow. Have got white noise and a dummy- he loves it. Swaddling he doesnt love as much even tightly. He likes having his hands free even though I think they wake him he cries when his hands are not free. Thank you both for your help and being patient with me

I agree with the no rush too! ( wow Mrs Pickles, just seems like I found someone on here I agree with.....have to watch that eh? what no MN disputes????)

& whats more (on the no rush thing)
I LOVE CUDDLES!!!!! Give me more. They grow so quick I'm dreading waking up one morning to find my DS being 18yrs!!!!

slings are good for getting on with doing things that take a bit of time........but there is nothing wrong with a baby crying for a few minutes while you have go to the toilet or have a quick shower. It wont damage them in anyway - it is just stressful for you.
My thoughts, to relieve the anxiety, were always that it gets air into their lungs and gives them a stretch therefore a few minutes of it each day can only be good.