I have a problem, I am a guilty mummy. Help

[dejags]

I am a guilty mother and don?t want to be anymore. Can you help

Seriously, is anybody else constantly worrying about their kids, feeling guilty about lifes? choices and how they affect the children?

I was spurred on to start this thread because of a short conversation I had with my son?s teacher this morning. She told me that he has been making up stories, things like ? he is going to visit his granny in heaven (not too worrying, as he doesn?t understand the concept of heaven at four years old), and slightly more worrying, he was going to visit his sister in London (big fat lie). She says he is confused because we have been speaking about going around the world and he doesn?t understand when and where it will happen. I left feeling like the world?s worst mother, all anxious and over analysing his behaviour lately.

Where does one draw a line? Can I not speak to my son about our lifes? dream on the off chance it won?t happen (85% likely) for fear it might upset him. Should I lie awake at night worrying that DH and I going back to work after a year off is going to damage him forever (despite the fact that we have employed a fantastic nanny to look after him in the day and that we have flexible jobs allowing us time to attend school events etc).

I have this nagging suspicion that all this over engineering of his emotional development can only harm him in the long run.

Anybody else like this or am I mad?

Must just be me then.

Motherhood is all about guilt and worry from conception onwards.

At 4 years old he is going to wonder and store things that you are talking about, especially huge life changing exciting experiences.

I think that his teacher was right to inform you that he was telling these stories incase it was for some other reason, but I certainly don't think you should feel guilty for keeping him informed about these things.

Perhaps you just need to sit him down and just go over the definite changes that lie ahead, nad keep the possibilities on the back burner, but don't feel guilty because you have an enthusiastic child!!

No dejags everyone is like you. I have a similar thing going on with DS atm due to him leaving nursery last week and being passed around a bit during the two week gap before he starts school.

Oh yes agree with Fickle - I think that sort of thing (the stories that are based on truth but not the truth) is quite common at this age. DS has just decided there is a ghost in the airing cupboard.

My children and i were talking the other day about stuff we made up at school for our 'news' on a monday morning!! Made up stuff is more fun than what really happened!!!

I agree she was right to tell you, but don't understand why she is saying he is confused?

Aren't all four year olds confused in some way. One four year old i looked after used to tell me about her (imaginary) brother and sister, the really big house they lived in etc etc. It's just their imaginations, its normal and not damaging imo.

In your sons case, there is an element of truth in his stories as it stems from your plans to travel.

Please don't feel guilty at all.

i think it is fine to discuss with him travelling around the world - can he really put that into perspective anyway? Is that really any different to me telling dd we'll go swimming, and then not going for various reasons?

Your son has a happy, safe home environment with you so is not going to be harmed by these discussions.

The PA to the boss where I worked) told me this story. Her granddaughter, who is 4, answered the phone to her uncle who asked to speak to her mum. She said 'mummy isn't here today she's left us on our own' so he said 'ok can I speak to daddy then' 'he's just watching the football' she says. So the uncle said ' can you just go and get him for me?' Of course daddy is actually at work so Olivia goes 'Ok, just a minute' comes back to the phone and in a very deep voice says ''Allo'. Made me PSML. My next door neighbour's three and a half year old has been telling everyone she's having a baby brother. Her mum isn't even pregnant! I don't think this kind of storytelling is unusual for this age and maybe even indicates a bit of higher intelligence....

deejags, I live in a state of constant guilt that I am not meeting my boys needs. Parenthood is one huge guilt trip.