Do babies need routine?

[pebblejones]

I have been recommended to start doing some baby whispering techniques because my 16 week old will only sleep if I cuddle him or feed him to sleep. However I am very curious about the routine side of it, he has none, except a strict bedtime. My question is do babies need routines and if you have one how do you stop it interfering in every thing else, we do swimming, baby massage etc... All of which seem to clash!?

My 16 week old has to fit in with the routine we already have for 2.8yr old DS.
I manage this by wearing her in a sling for naps and just carting her around everywhere with us.
Out of interest why do you not want to cuddle or feed to sleep? if it works and you are both happy keep doing it.
I seem to remember doing more routiney things with ds when weaning was more established at say 7/8 months.
As to whether they need routine or not - i think babies do fine either way as long as their needs are met!

Personally, I don't think babies of this age need routines as such, but some mums find them useful. If you don't, I wouldn't worry too much. Your baby is very little and it's completely normal at this age that he wants to be fed or cuddled to sleep - most babies learn to self-settle as they get older (mine was just over a year before he got the hang of it - before that he either fed to sleep or napped outside in his pushchair).

At the end of the day, it's your choice. If you are tired and frazzled, then a gentle routine might help you feel in control.

OTOH, if you are really enjoying life and are only doing the routine thing because you think you ought to - or, worse, someone else has told you you ought to - then forget it. Make the most of the time with your DS, and enjoy the flexibility that you get with not being tied to a routine.

Just realised hadn't really answered your question. If you want to have a routine and want to keep doing all your activities could you have a sort of daily routine based around your "daily schedule" rather than the time.
So, say you start with a feed, then an activity, then a sleep, then a feed etc - without really looking at the time. Babies don't know what time it is anyway so as long as you stick to a schedule maybe that would work.

I was always very strict with a bedtime routine, but a bit more flexible in the day. I think they def.need a routine for bed, and I'd try to do the same things for naps in the day-but not have a rigid timescale (except bedtime) was just led by babies cues.

My son has always slept well at night, which I think is down to routine, but isnt the best at daytime naps. However, some of my friends who were very strict with daytime routines HAVE to be home by 1pm for there 2yr olds to go in their cot for a sleep....thats not me, I like the flexibility to stay out all day, and ds just grabs a nap in the car or pushchair as needed.

Basically, I think its down to what suits you and baby will adapt either way.

Thank you everyone... I am happy cuddling and feeding to sleep, but I think I am feeling a bit pressured by other people (Mum and MIL) who believe that this is very bad parenting indeed.
Also he seems to have his own routine which I am happy with it just doesn't include as much daytime sleeping as the books recommend, he also rises at 5:30am which doesn't bother me either.
Thank you for your replies I feel like I am being ridiculous and will try not to worry about conforming so much!

Oh pebble, mums mean well but they did 30 years ago was SO different from today (my mum suggested sugar in his milk . they mean well but stick to your guns.

That said I liked the baby whisperer for giving a structure as another poster has mentioned so feed followed nappy followed sleep but with no set times. And you know your baby best, my DS was and still is very comfortable in a routine but he put himself into it rather than me impose it and then we worked around it.

Not that I have noticed.

if your baby is happy and getting enough milk and sleep and you are happy too, I think that's the main thing. Don't worry about a routine unless you actually want one!

IME (professionally) babies need routines less than parents.

That said there are babies who will put themselves into a routine - either they need it or they just fall into it.

Equally there are babies who cannot cope without having at the very least a structure so they know what's coming next but can't sort it out themselves. If they're accustomed to having a feed then a nappy change they'll scream blue murder if you change it!

A routine doesn't have to come out of a book....you can invent your own! What makes it a routine is that it's consistent (and not necessarily in terms of timings).

One thing I've noticed (and some books say) is that sleep breeds sleep so maybe your baby needs a little more sleep in the daytime than he's getting and a gentle routine might help him to slot that in. Or he may be a baby who doesn't need as much sleep as some others. He's his own person, he'll let you know!

my dc got themselves into routines as babies - what more do they need other than sleep every 1 1/2-2hrs, feed every 3? to me it was more important to go out and do all the baby groups, swimming etc to make the most of what was on offer. my very laid back baby would happily sleep wherever and whenever he needed when other mums had to leave baby groups early to get the baby tucked into the cot with the blinds closed by whatever-o'clock.
we did have issues at 7months and looking back 5 months was the time (for us) to crack the routine and get baby settling to sleep pretty much on their own - we've really suffered with both boys having problems settling themselves to sleep but that's a whole other topic...at 16weeks, cuddle away!

I think all babies are individuals just the same as adults and as such some respond well to a routine and some are better with a more easy going approach to things.

Pebble, when I'm wondering whether I'm approaching a situation in the right way - i.e., am I approaching it the way that suits me, or that suits my daughter? - I think, would this be appropriate for a second child? And if it would be, I carry on.

With a second child, you already have a schedule, and they have to fit in. They learn to be adaptable. You're more lax about telly, about food, and second children grow up fine, well adjusted adults, so it can't matter, you know?

FWIW, I have one. 20 months now. And as a younger baby she was unusually adaptable, I think - we went with the flow, she went with the flow, we genuinely were that couple who said "oh we just carry on with our life she fits in". We could take her to a party and she'd be awake and happy till 10pm, and then we'd change her into night nappy and PJs, drive her home, put her in her cot, lovely. The rest of the time, she napped when we gave her the chance (like, in the car), we changed our plans on the spur of the moment because she'd fallen asleep in the car, we all spent a year plus just making it up and it was fine and great and wonderful.

At around 14 months, that changed. She went to bed at 7.30pm, and she needed a routine. At 20 months, she is expending so so so much mental energy learning the world, that she needs some things to be predictable and routine. If I play a game with her two days running at a certain time, she expects it every time from there on in. That's a long way away from you, but I'm mentioning it because it fits in with my whole long post.

Which is this: they will tell you what they want. If you are fine without a routine, you're fine. If you're all happy, don't change anything. If your children suddenly need a routine, trust me, they will let me know.

Oh, and, more on topic, I fed on demand and cuddled to sleep, and that stopped when she decided it was enough - she just stopped going to sleep that way.

Again. Trust me, they'll let you know.

Some do, some don't - my DS survives pretty well without one and is a very happy little boy, but he'll need one soon when he starts going to pre-school etc.

I read Libby Purves' book How Not to be a Perfect Mother - and kind of took it as a good guideline. She wasn't fond of routine either .

Thank you everyone, I have found your comments extremely useful. He has his own routine, kind of, I can tell when he's tired, hungry etc... He goes to bed at 7:30, he wakes once or twice during the night, but I can handle it. I've decided to not try and make him nap/feed at set times because it means we won't be able to take part in our activities.
Reading through the baby whisperer my SIL lent me I do like the idea of the pick up put down, because it means my DH can put him to bed and I won't have to pace our hallway with him... Maybe I will attempt that.