how do you handle bad behaviour?

[susssiq]

my 4 yr old DS is pushing my limits, the first 5 times he misbehaves (everything from taking DD dummies, throwing things, screaming)I can stay calm tell him he can't behave this way and why. sometimes I will get him too sit on a chair in the kitchen and calm down and then come and say sorry. But as the day goes on I lose my patience start shouting at him and feel like a terrible mother.

Live in sweden so lucky smacking is illegal or I would probably have done it by now....

He is doing it to get a reaction. What you need to do is work on catching him being good and give him lots of nice attention (a star chart can be useful for you for this). When he is bad, stop him and ignore him. (Walk away, don't talk, just no and go.)

But kids about 4/5 do also have a naughty stage!

been there done that :-) I do praise him tons when he is good it does help. We have done charts but that didn't seem to help him he is very much an "in the moment" type of kid.

Also try and turn away from him and focus on DD who is well behaved so far (only 16 months)

but like i said first few times I can keep my cool but as day goes on I struggle....

I try not to be alone with the kids as it is then he plays up and I am more irritable.

I used to explain why it got to me - that when they behaved that way it made me feel sad and exhausted so i shouted. That helped a bit, because they understood why they went to sit on a chair. But also - we made it the cosy chair not the naughty chair. It had a snuggly cushion, blanket and teddy and a book on it, so I'd say - go and snuggle until you feel better. I think anything that makes them feel worse in themselves keeps the bad behaviour alive, whereas learning to calm themselves really helps. Sometimes they suggested I sat in it and actually - it helped. I got the chance to unwind alone for a minute or two and they liked that they could help me by suggesting it.

And see the funny side. We used, even when they were young, to make jokes about naughty steps (never liked the naughty step idea - it doesn't work) and I used to ask if I could sit on it for one minute of each year of my life, so I'd get well over half an hour and maybe they could bring me a biscuit and cuddle at the end. Anything that diffuses the row worked for us. But as other posters have said - there is a stage they go through which it's almost impossible to avoid. When he was four I felt like I was constantly shouting my son's name to stop him from doing something.

love cosy chair idea!! we don't call naughty chair either seems outdated to me a place to calm down and reflect is more appealing!!

thanks for ideas!!