6yo running off -- is there anything else I could try?

[ragged]

Keeps disappearing out of sight in town.
None of the following are good solutions for us (complicated reasons I don't want to spend ages explaining every one):

Holding his hand all the time
Telling him off
Explaining why it's unsafe
Threats
Bribery
Smacking
Reins
Sticker chart

Are there any other strategies I haven't thought of? That's all I'm asking, really. Trying to figure out if there's something else I could try, other than avoiding going to town as much as possible.

If you can't do any of the above, then he will run off. It's unavoidable. And if you can't explain why the above solutions are unacceptable to you, people won't know what else to suggest because they don't know why you've rejected the obvious.

Thanks for your constructive reply, colditz .

I mostly have tried them all, but they all work badly or have major drawbacks, so it would be helpful if anyone can suggest other tactics that they find useful.

There aren't any other tactics, and how is holding his hand all the time impossible? how is telling him off 'not a good solution'?

You haven't given us any information about your son, other than that you are reluctant to discipline him using the methods you have given.

I'm guessing you aren't treating his obedience as something that needs to happen. If you were walking down the M1 at 6pm with him, you'd make damn sure he didn't run off.

You need to combine a couple of the tactics and persevere. Be consistent and show you mean business.

I can't think of any other tactics.

DS would recognise the dangers on the M1, it's in the familiar town centre that he doesn't get it.

It's difficult to hold his hand constantly and meet the needs of my 2yo & other children. And in the moments when I have to let go he might leg it again. Plus he periodically writhes around on the floor (his arm doing a snake dance routine in my hand) whilst screaming "You're hurting me!! YOU'RE HURTING ME!!" at the top of his voice. Meanwhile the rest of DC are getting rather bored and impatient.

So yeah, holding his hand mostly works, but kind of badly, iyswim .

Combined with other tactics he likes to deliberately break the rules given; he enjoys taking on the bad boy role in the family who is constantly in trouble.

That leaves praising him when he doesn't leg it, doesn't it? I need to add that to list and I haven't tried it enough yet.

So I guess thread has been helpful in making me think of at least one other thing to try .

If you recognise that he "enjoys taking on the bad boy role who is constantly in trouble" then he has a label that is going to be hard to shake. Reward the good behaviour, as you say and don't give any attention to the bad stuff.

Don't label him as naughty - he will oblige.

i think i would get him to hold onto the buggy,if he lets go use a wrist strap,if he manages the shopping trip without having to use the srtap, he gets a reward of some sort?

tbh if my 6yo done that then he would be on a wrist strap,especially if you have other lo's to deal with (i have a 6yo,4yo and a 20mo),
personally i don't do rewards for things i expect them to do,
i give rewards if they do things that are not expected of them.
my sister rewards if her kids tidy their room,or help set the table,then they want a reward for near enough everything they do!or they dont do it!
mine keep their rooms tidy,they set the table for dinner,and are happy to do it.

ps my 4yo also does the YOU'RE HURTING ME thing if i hold her hand!lol

ok I havent readall of this thread but have solved ds' chronic tendency to do this. one day when we were somewhere with loads of people but which he couldn;t actually get out I let him get lost. I could see him but he couldn't see me. It took a while but he eventually got scared and started to panic. i took my time to find him and then played cool but a bit vague. h you were scared because you couldn't find me? ';gosh I wonder how we could stop that happening again" He now thinks staying by my side is all his idea and never runs off without asking and selecting a meeting place

yawn It depends on the child. I tried that with my then 3.5 yo in the parc. I hid behind a tree after I asked her to come home at least 10 times, after "OK I go then". She played happily for another 15 min. Then proceed to find me (still no crying or panic). When she couldn't find me she decided to go home on her own. I stopped her before she left the parc. She was happy to see me but unphased by the "accident", she knew the way home and that I will eventually go back there It didn't matter that they are big dangerous road to cross
ragged Can he "help" you? Give him a big boy task so he stay next to you. Holding the baby hand. Make sure the baby has a drink at all time. Hold a bag? read the map because you are lost? Count the red cars and report to you everytime he sees somethings specific .... sorry running out of ideas but you see my drift.

You say threats don't work. have you actually realised them at one point? No point threatening if he knows it won't happen. Doesn't matter how hard it is for you and your familly, but you have to make them happenned. It has to be something he cares about too otherwise it is a bitpointless too.
sorry if it is not useful.

Ragged you sound busy and a bit frazzled, could he just be doing this to get some attention from u?

Thing is, several [if not all] of these things should work, if you stick at them for long enough.

The one that does stick out to me - as mamaloco pointed out - is 'threats'. Threats on their own are useless unless your child is incredibly trusting or hates being in trouble! You need to actually follow through with them.

Also, sometimes you don't need the warning [as you would have with most consequences]. If it is dangerous, or if you've already explained what you expect before you go out, then as soon as it happens you can enforce a consequence. I'm getting myself a bit complicated here but for example, my cousin and I went to the park with her kids and her two older boys on bikes were told to stay within sight of us at all times. They didn't - they were far enough ahead that they couldn't hear us, or they were ignoring us. When we caught up to them the first thing I did was take their bikes away and made them walk for the next five minutes or so, till they could prove they could follow the rules. It upset the hell out of them.

Wrist rein kept in handbag. Let him scream all he wants, sometimes getting a result means a lot of effort on the parents side first.

Job done, there is no 'easy' way i'm afraid

Why do you need to be in the centre of town with so many children, daft question maybe but my 8 and 5 year old ds's hate shopping so I tend to avoid it and take my older 2 when they need something, or I internet shop.
But i've never had a problem with children running off, i've always trained them to hold on to the buggy and never gone for too long.
Can you not give him some responsibility holding the hand of another younger child, get him to earn a bit of pocket money by helping you.get him to teach the others how inportant it is to be safe etc. and lots of praise for doing it well.

Get someone else to tell your child to behave. some nice passerbye. Sounds strange but sometimes it works miricals with kids.

Also with the sticker charts percerve and reward good beviour with a 'prize' at regular intervals say every 5 stickers.

Dont smack him for running off you wont achieve anything. Im not anti-smacking ive been here quite recently.

If all else fails puts baby reigns on.