Feeling really bad, my son MUST hate me, what the hell is my problem???

[HelenEmjay]

All i do is shout and yell at my son, he is only just turned 5 and we seem to clash all the time! i really dont remember the last time i sat and gave him a cuddle and a kiss, as he seems to spend his life doing his best to pi** me off! he spends his life chucking his toys all over and most of his toys are broken as a result and i have asked him sooooo many times to stop throwing stuff about, but the second i leave the room for a second he is at it again, even when im telling him off he seems to find it all rather amusing! ds2 who is 2.5 is a little sod but he has a fantastic sensew of humour and i find im much much closer to him - i know how awful that sounds! i love both of them so much and i have tried spending time with ds1 and giving him hugs but 99% of the time he ends up doing or saying something that just annoys the crap out of me! how can i feel so much anger and annoyance at such a little person - my own son!!!??? We are expecting another baby in the next 2-3 weeks and he cant wait, he kisses my tummy whenever he gets the chance and tells the baby he loves her - how sweet is that, thats the biggest problem, he is such a sweet and loving little boy, but it just seems he knows which buttons to press with me and does so ALL THE TIME!!! im so scared he is going to think i hate him and he might start to hate me back - if he doesnt already ive gone so wrong somewhere......

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

You sound worn out hun. Not sure I can offer any advice but being that pregnant and having two little ones cant be easy. Anyone give you a break for a while?

youhave to make him feel special - let him stay up a little later watch a film together etc.

My dd is only 2 years old but I realise I really need to set boundaries while allowing her the freedom I wish her to have. I like Dr Sears (askdrsears.com) he has had 8 children so I think he must know a thing or two by now!

Establish rules, but at the same time create conditions that make the rules easier to follow. Children need boundaries.

Does he clean his own room, toys? He needs to learn to be responsible for this and it will help him respect his toys more. A MN said recently that her father took her toys away from her because they did not respect them - she said it worked, she respected her toys alot more from then on. You could perhaps say he cannot go and play outside, or remove something he really likes to do - it can help shape his behaviour.

Your child will be as obedient as you expect, or as defiant as you allow. Talking and listening to your son, keep giving him that love time you mentioned and when he realises that you respect him he appreciate that and should start responding likewise

You have my sympathies. I only have the one Ds who is 4 but I seem to spend a lot of time shouting and screaming at him too.

They are very good at pushing buttons - he obviously knows which ones to push.

Is it for attention do you think? The "gurus" seem to suggest that sometimes when they act up it is for attention and that negative is as good as positive in their little minds. Can you ignore the bad and re-inforce the good? How about a behaviour chart?

At 5 he is old enough to be able to tell you how he is feeling when he does this stuff. Does anything trigger it that you have noticed?

Hope this helps - however even if it doesn't, know that you are not alone.

Pretend. Pretend you find him absolutely delightful and enchanting. Find things to praise at least every 20 minutes. Catch him being good and tell him, precisely, what you like and how much you like it. Tell him he is good and clever and fantastic, even if you don't believe it. He likes it when you tell him off because it is attention. Maybe also try a star chart with him. It must be very hard when you are heavily pregnant and have two kids already, so don't be too hard on yourself either. He clearly loves you to bits. Don't think of it as him pressing buttons to annoy you - I really don't think this is happening, more that you are tired and irritable and things he does just wind you up - ie it's you not him really. And I'm certainly not perfect. So horribly cross with ds this afternoon for misbehaving, but if I'm honest, it's because I let him get too tired and he needed a sleep - my fault.

Thanks girls, i have tried star charts and rewarding good behavior and ignoring bad, but he's not interested in the star chart and never was no matter how hard i tried with it, he did respond a little to the ignoring bad and praising good but it didnt last long, he appeared to catch on to what we were doing and began playing games with us, so that pretty much went out the window! my mum had them both yesterday for a couple of hours and i did feel better for it, aloha - i think you are very possibly right in as much as it is me and not him, i think we have got into a cycle of him winding me up and me being a grump because of it and that makes him more naughty! its my place to break that cycle i know but how? it seems to have gone on for sooo long, he is sooooo stubborn too, he once refused to go to bed and we had a battle about it and i could still here him saying 'no im not going to bed mummy' at 6am! he had sat ALL night and me and dp had fallen asleep on the couch in the hope he would get bored and tired and fall asleep if we left him, so we gave up fighting with him at about 10pm so he carried on for another 8 hours!! - he is unbelievably stubborn!!

hi
i am in the same situation with my eldest i have 4 children of my own and a step daughter ross, 12 regan 5. mikey 3 and mia 7 months sd is 15
my eldest has always been different to my other kids before i had them i was told it was because he was a boy and because i had him so young etc, we decided last yr to have him assessed for adhd and after a battle we have him diagnosed and are trying to sort him through his diet rather than through medication, anyway, ross is exactly the same pushes the wrong buttons and i am a shouter tried all the not having this not going out, sticker charts everything worked for a while and then he just cant be bothered and starts again, he drives me to despair and am really unsure of how to go forward with him, we are very strict with him and have to be as they say give them an inch and they take a mile ross goes ten miles, we decided to let him go away with my sister at the beginning of the school holidays just for a week and he has pushed us ever since he got home, my sister isnt as strict as i am and i wish now i hadnt let him go i dont want to put him on medication but dont know where to go with him, we have him on the omega 3 oils and school have said he has improved on them just wish he would at home sal

Oh it is so draining isnt it sal? we have discussed charlies problems in depth at his school and he too has been very basically asessed for adhd and the dr and health visitor and various other people have all said its definatley not that - which i am of course pleased about as my friends little boy does have it and i feel so bad for them, i see how much hard work he is and the toll it takes on my friend and her dh, i really really sympathise with you! i am a very strong minded stubborn and down right unreasonable person sometimes and so i guess my son is just too much like me and we clash, but you just find yourself so worn-down with all the constant battles and bribes and warnings and time-outs! im hoping he will get better with age, as at the moment he is getting behind at school as if he decides he's not going to do anything he just simply doesnt do it! and im at a loss as to what to do! i have agreed for him to have a multi-disciplinary hearing thing??