What do you do re:other parents rules and limits not the same as your own?

[sweetkitty]

So now the DD1 is 6 and DD2 4.6yo they are going out more as we live in a very quiet cul de sac and have gotten friendly with a few other girls their age, one of 6 and one of 5.

The thing is they are allowed out later and farther round the estate that we would allow our two, they are allowed out until 8.30pm which I feel is too late for ours, ours are usually inside by 7.30pm, having some supper, PJs if not having a bath and up to bed by 8pm although they are allowed to play or read for a bit but it's so hard when they are looking out the window seeing their friends still playing.

Other things was today I told my two off for going out on their bikes without their helmets in front of their 5yo friend who never wears a helmet she then said all smug "I don't need to wear a helmet!"

There are other things as well like TV in bedrooms etc DD1 has been asking for one as her friend has one.

I have said "different parents have different rules" but wondered if there is a better way of addressing this?

I explain the reasons for the way we do things. Sometimes that's all they need to hear. Sometimes we have discussions about which is best. Sometimes we change the way we do things after these discussions.

Sometimes it is purely a hypothetical discussion. We haven't actually had the TV in the bedroom discussion yet but if we did it would be purely hypothetical for financial reasons.

I'm not sure there is a better approach to the "different parents/different rules" line.

Re your specific issue, I also live on a quiet cul-de-sac but with slightly older DC (6 & 8) and similar issues to the ones you describe tend to come up. I deal with the friends still outside at bedtime one by pulling the curtains if necessary! I also have the neighbours kids without bike helmets thing and have said to my DC that I will put their bikes away if I see them riding round without helmets, if their friends' parents aren't bothered about their DC hurting their heads, its their business.

Hope someone more helpful will be along in a minute...

i just tell dd that so & so down the street is not her and i am not her mother! what they do is not what we do

dd just says 'oh' and looks like this

We don't really have this problem but I remember being the one with the 'strictest' parents.

For what it is worth my parents just told me that other parents have their own rules and that they were doing what they thought best for my brother and me. They accepted that we wouldn't always think it very fair but that they made the choices they felt right. I did get upset at times but in the long run I accepted it, and as I got older actually felt reassured that they cared enough to give these boundaries.

I tend to say different families have different rules.

Also I am flexible on some things. so if for example it is weekend and dd wants to stay up then I may well let her, and explain why. However certain things I have no flexibility about. e.g. a former "friend" of dd had parents who turned a blind eye to their dd hitting other dcs including my own. This is something I would not tolerate.

Agree with onepiece different strokes/different folks is all well and good on a whole host of issues... but not health and safety/physical violence.

We have also distanced ourselves from a family who would always tell my DS (3) to 'just say no thanks!' when THEIR DS (4) hit/shoved him in an unprovoked attack. I mean, WTF???

"If you want their rules you'll have to go live in their house" (yes, I am evil).

The hilarious thing is that I am so much more permissive than most of DC's friends, so the "But X can so why can't I..." tactic doesn't get them far in this house.

yep,i usually just say that we have different rules than them,
my sisters kids (6 & 4) were picking on my 4yo son for sitting in a high backed booster seat in the car!i left him sitting in the car talking to them for a few minutes while i was talking to my sister ,i came back and he looked really upset,and burst out crying when we pulled away.
they had been telling him he was a baby because he was sitting in a baby seat in the car.they have both been using basic boosters since they were 2,and she
i told him how if he was in an accident he would be safe and his seat could save his life,he is happy to sit in his seat now

our problems are mostly with family members having different rules,but i try to explain why we have a different rule.

I go with "It doesn't matter what other kids are doing, I am your Mum".

Morloth I say exactly the same thing.

DS1 spent all of yesterday afternoon moaning that he wanted a mobile phone as his friend has one. He is 7

He also wants Sky TV in his bedroom, a PSP (he has a DS Lite so I don't see that he needs one of these as well, but his friend has a DSi, a PSP, a Wii and a Playstation 3). Oh and a laptop...

Felt awful tonight as DD1 was standing at the edge of the road looking down the other road as her two wee friends had gone off and left her as she isn't allowed down that road. I feel it's too far away to be comfortable with her going round there and if she were to go she would have to leave her 4 1/3 yo sister. DP said she was in tears that they had gone off and left her but as he said "where does it end?" if we allowed her to go a bit farther, they go across the road and farther still.

Also had to tell her tonight to say goodbye to her wee friend at 7.30pm as she was going inside and to tell her friend not to come knocking for her again as she wasn't coming out and she would wake the babies (I also have a 2yo and a 3mo baby)

Roll on school going back in 2 weeks hopefully it will stop all the 9pm playing out.

There is a thread on teenagers about this. You may never look in there when you only have little ones but this is an age old problem.

Different mums have different rules.
Stick to it at all costs because when they are teenagers you may still manage some influence if you have shown that you mean it.

You don't need to feel bad about it, after all, one of your jobs as a parent is to set boundries and protect your kids.