Adjusting to life with two

[pinkgrapefruitjuice]

Just had my second baby and am finding it so hard to imagine how Im going to share my time and attention between ds1 who is nearly 3 and ds2 who is a week old and be able to give them each what they need. ds2 is feeding on demand which is pretty much hourly at the moment. ds1 is a lively chatty active boy.

Dh has been taking ds1 out every day and is off for another week, so Ive got time to recover and to plan stuff for when he goes back to work. I can still do the playgroups etc but they are closed for next 6 weeks.

Got ds3 a bouncy chair yesterday and its great as I can put him down now and ds1 can talk to him.

Anybody got other ideas, or can share that worked for them?

ds2 a bouncy chair! sorry bit sleep deprived

Get a good sling. I used a moby wrap while DD was tiny and it was brilliant because she loved sleep while DS loves running around like a loon. Could pop her in sling and take DS to park/bike ride etc.

Get out to parks. Use the TV esp. good when you're knackered & baby sleeping. Read books with both on sofa. Any garden/outdoor space? Bucket of water/paddling pool for eldest. Think of things to occupy 3 year old that don't involve you in too much so you can sit down/feed/rock baby. Can you rope in grandparents or any family at all? Any friends for play dates for your eldest? Don't beat yourself up that DS1 or DS2 not getting 100% attention. You have a long way to go if baby still tiny & need to preserve your energy for yourself too. Don't be too ambitious. I know how you feel - I had a new born & a 4 year old for a summer holiday too 2 years ago. I breast fed in just about every park in London. It was an OK time. You think the task seems insurmountable but it isn't. Take care of yourself. One day at a time. Sleep when you can.

Out with older child.. younger child will probably sleep..

Park, shops, farms, zoo.. whatever.. your older child is also at an age where he will most likely really enjoy being out and about discovering things.. Win, win..

i agree with the above take them both out
do more for the older one, baby can just tag along their needs are pretty basic @ this age really, so they wil be fine just coming along wherever you would like to take ds1
also quality time for ds1 @ home when ds2 sleeps
at other times try to encourage ds1 to play by himself a bit, if he needs any encouragement with that
your ds2 is only 1 week at the moment but even in 2 or 3 more weeks you will be more used to having the pair of them, and get into your own habits with having 2. is there no groups on for you at all over the summer? here some are cancelled but some still on, and they are pretty handy for taking toddler and baby together. maybe park 1 o clock clubs will still be on, or that kind of thing

My DD is 10 weeks and it does get easier as their feeding settles down.
Dont be afraid to use cebebbies/tv when feeding ect. I would read a book with DD too (21mths when DD2 born).

Thankfully shes pretty good at entertaining herself and happily potters about whilst im feeding.

Agree with going for walks and park trips. Baby will generally sleep whilst out and you can spend time with DS1. Toddler groups are good too.

Dont worry about planning to do things..Just do what you need to do during the day. Ive found that DD2 has just fitted into whatever we have planned for that day, Ie DD1's swimming lessons, toddler group, playdates, Supermarket shop.

DD1 just enjoys being out and LOVES it when we get stopped by old dears cooing over baby!

marking place on all these threads while getting terrified about how i'll cope in september, when DC2 due! interested to read any advice...

I always tried to spend at least half an hour each day with ds when dd was born, usually when she was napping. As dd was born during that horrible winter just gone getting out parks wasn't always possible so i bought tons of pens crayons and crafty type things and always tried to sit down with him and give him some dedicated time with me.

You'll be amazed how much more able to manage you feel by this time next week. I cried the night before DH went back to work but the following day I had both DSs asleep at the same time for an hour and slept myself (DS1 was 22months). That day, I thought I could conquer the world! Sometimes it hasn't gone that smoothly, but it often does. DS2 is now 5 months and they are interacting with each other - it's fab and you will learn ways of coping that suit you and your boys. Good luck!

thank you for all the ideas. Am typing one handed on phone as im feeding, will post again tomorrow

I would add, try if you can to start spending some time with you DS1 asap. My DD2 is 3 weeks old and have noticed DS1(also nearly 3 years old) has started to play up to get my attention.

I now spend some time everyday doing something he enjoys, sometimes with the baby and sometimes just me and him. But I wished I had started doing so earlier as all the whining and misbehaving when he sees me can be very stressful. On the positive side, I noticed an improvement on his behavior only after a few outings with him so hopefully we now are on the right track.

Thanks Flavs, you are right, am trying to do that, as Ive noticed this too.

Can ds2 sleep in pram while you take ds1 to park? Can you make a big fuss of things that you and ds1 are allowed to eat that the baby can't, like an ice cream or strawberries - so he feels some attention is for him. If you mention small things - that aren't much effort for you, but seem to be to him - like sitting down to watch your favourite Cbeebies show together or putting on his favourite music, then he may nto get as jealous. And call in favours from friends asking them to invite him for playdates and tea and that you'll reciprocate when the baby is more settled in a routine.

good luck. There should be some things on over summer - church playgroups or soft play areas? to compensate for your usual places being shut during the holidays.

Some great ideas.

Definately will try the sling with ds2, have a baby bjorn one, which I can start to use once my 6 weeks are up (csection)

I think that getting out every day with the double buggy and doing things from ds1 has to be my priority. So trips to the park, friends houses, shops etc. and I had forgotten about One oclock clubs, ds1 used to nap at that time but has pretty much dropped it now so will definately get along to them this summer.

Thanks everyone for your ideas, its made me feel more positive about what we can do and am now looking forward to getting out and about (been stuck inside for nearly 2 weeks now as have had infection in my csection scar )