Tiny tearaways or Supernanny ? Dr Tanya or Jo Frost ?

[thegraylady]

Which system of child discipline works better ? Naughty step or timeout in room ?

depends on the child,the parents, the circumstances. which is why none of these 'experts' know better than you.

I'm more comfortable with tearaways tbh. It just feels a bit more respectful or something. With my kids if they start tantrumming or whatever, they get taken out the room very calmly, usually into the hall. They know that if they behave like this they will be removed from the fun/interesting stuff.

I'm more comfortable with Dr Tanya because she has more knowledge (as a psychologist and a parent) of what she's talking about and because she walked away from House Of Tiny Tearaways when she thought it was getting exploitative.

But that doesn't mean I necessarily buy into any "one size fits all" discipline system.

I really like Dr Tanya for all the previous reasons stated.

I used the following book with a lot of success because it is very adaptable to what works for you and your family.

Your Child Your Way & Little Angels

I love Dr Tanya! When DD was about 4 we used to watch 'Little Angels' together. But I agree with nevergoogle

That's interesting. That's my own feelings too. Better to take child out of the situation and attention, rather than embarrass them in public. But I know "naughty step" is very popular.

Aren't they more or less the same thing?

I dislike Jo Frost intensely - I think the show is manipulative and exploitative (of the children- the adults have a choice about being filmed at their most vulnerable moments, the children do not), her methods co-ercive, her manner patronizing and her way of referring to herself in the third person ('come to Jo-Jo') nauseating. She has no children of her own either and for me goes into the same category as Gina Ford (who I loathe with equal passion).

Tanya Byron is ok.

I don't use a 'system' of child discipline. I react to my child differently depending on the circumstances, what his needs are, what my mood and tolerance level are and what I think will have the bext outcome for everyone. I go with my instincts and the best advice comes from my family and friends.

I just wonder about what sort of "discipline" to use on a toddler. Obviously it must be something unwelcome to the toddler, but I want to feel that DD is not being humiliated, hurt, or crushed by it. I don't want her to feel that her room is a punishment area, or that my love is ever withdrawn, or that she is being made an example of in front of people.

Hello with littlemad I get him to sit down and count to 20 which has a calming effect. when he does something I class as naughty (I mean something he actually knows is wrong rather than something that happens to wind me up at the time) I give him one warning that xxx (toy or book) will go in the cupboard if he does it again. it then does if he does it again.

I don't use the 'naughty step' (too many ishoos with the idea of him thinking he's a naughty boy rather than that the thing he did was a naughty thing)

I don't use the time out room and I always always try to remember to talk to him quietly even when he's shouting at me.

He lets off steam occasionally but has only had about 4 proper full on tantrums so I haven't needed to do 'time outs' I also agree that I don't want his room (his own space) to become a punishment area.

For what it's worth I like Penelope Leach's appraoch.

YY to Penelope Leach - she is very good at explaining it from the child's point of view.

I disagree with both

Try unconditional parenting for a different approach. Do you really want your children to do what you say because they are scared of being punished? What happens if you don't see the bad behaviour - does it still count? Should they always do what you say? Always?

Maybe not alway Inigo, but some things have to be. Things like "Don't run off in a car park", and "don't hit your brother in the head" do need do what I say.

I generally go with similar to Madascheese by taking her to a quiet place and staying with her talking quietly but firmly till she is calm and understands what was wrong and says sorry. But I wonder if this is giving too much attention.

Hi again TGL

Honestly, you can only do what feels right for you. I can't adopt a principle for anything to do with raising littlemad that I can't stick to.

I started with a couple of things really early on so they would just be natural by the time I really needed them - like whispering when he started getting a bit excited rathe than trying to be louder than him to make him listen. I also started the 'it goes in the cupboard' as soon as I was sure he understood it and just kept in consistent.

When he's getting wound up about something sometimes the 'feelings' of being wound up are going to take over the thing he's wound up about. I have no problem with being the person who helps him to neutralise the 'feelings' so we can deal with the problem. He's the child, I'm the adult, it's my job to help him understand what to do with feelings.

I'm aware this all sounds quite calculated but due to a potential pre-disposition to bad temper from his father (there's a reason he's my ex) I wanted to make sure I didn't do stuff to encourage it and make it habitual.

it's such a personal thing though, I don't see it as giving too much attention to bad behaviour. Emotional management is a learnt skill and it can be hard to learn when the world is an overwhelming place so it needs practice. I didn't feel it was giving too much attention when he had to practice walking or potty training so why should I when he's doing this?
HTH

both 'methods' were designed for TV, for families with fairly extreme behavioural problems. Being TV, they wanted a quick fix that provided good entertainment.

Raising children is not like that. It takes hard work every day, not just a bunch of punative measures to control children.

I would read 'How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen', followed by 'Sibling Rivalry'. Worked soooooooooo much better, and the kids are much happier than time out/naughty step.

I like them both. I watched them from the start which was before we were even thinking of TTC!

is tiny tearaways still going? or anything similar?

I don't really subscribe to any particular 'method' as such, but I think watching these shows 'in advance' made me more aware of certain things, bad habits etc, and so far this in itself has helped.

WRT to actual discipline I do follow the naughty step, but (so far!) DD is really well behaved and it's hardly ever used.