Please help - friend neglecting two children

[Gems55]

Hi - please can anyone help me with some well needed advice?? I will try and keep things simple and would appreciate any advice anyone can offer.

I have a friend who moved away from where I live a year ago. She has two daughters, one nearly two and one 8 weeks old. With her first daughter I saw major signs of neglect and concerns. So much so that I stopped seeing her as a consequence and spoke to her HV. She does not change the girls nappies often, does not give her eldest daughter drinks regularly, the home environment is filthy - open top bins over flowing with filthy nappies etc. Both girls are often dressed in damp clothes and dirty clothes. Her husband is very strict with the eldest daughter, regularly smacking her. She now swears and smacks her sister as a result. The list goes on and on....

I reported her to her health worker when OD was 3 months old but the HV was useless and then she moved away and from what I saw things improved. Now she has another child its got really bad again. I don't know what to do. I feel so terrible for the girls and just want to do what is right. I have two boys myself so know what it is like to be a mum and I know its hard but I think things have gone too far.

Please give me some advice as I feel I need to do something asap. Thanks

well, the main option would be social services or, if you think that is too extreme, ring the nspcc for guidance? They will be aware of all avenues of support available and what action can and possibly should be taken.

Sorry that may be a bit vague but possibly start by ringing nspcc? Their cruelty must stop, full stop, campaign focused on contacting them for advice about such situations.

hth's, and you are being a very good friend, even if it may not seem like it. how many people may have also noticed this but not be doing anything?

Please do something, social services will be under a lot of pressure to act in the light of recent poor publicity and sound like your only real option. Also try health visitor again if you can find out who it is.

Don't think diret referrals are allowed, but HomeStart might be a good organisation to help.
Here is a link to their website
Perhaps your friend just needs some support / guidance. Homestart is good for this.

Thank you for your help. I know her HV as she used to be mine! Do you just ring them and explain your concerns??

Is it possible that your friend can't cope with the baby stage - you said things improved and now she has a baby of 3 months and things are back to where they were -so this is why I ask?

Could you go and give her a hand and just get stuck in to helping her? and support her that way - then she would have help where she possibly feels that she is drowning

i ahd a friend who's home was a disaster when babies where young - just like you suggest and when they got older she cleaned up!

Hi Ivykaty - its not just generral mess. There are batteries lying around, calpol on the floor, wires, old food which the eldest girl eatss off the floor, really dirty nappies etc. I have tried helping her. We have done spring cleans, I have taken the girls for her to give her a break etc but does not seem to work.

Do you think it would help to see a gp?

Please contact someone. DS2 (not my birth son) was neglected as a baby and the consequences of it shape his current life (and ours).

Not thought of GP that might be a good idea. I will make sure somebody gets told but just dont know who lol!

she could have unaddressed pnd. I found simple tasks like emptying the bin, sweeping the floor and doing the washing up felt like insurmountable problems when I was in the depths of pnd.
whatever the problem she needs support, I think the gp would be a good start.

If you know who the GP is, that would be a good person to speak to. He/she won't be able to discuss the person with you or give you any information, so the conversation will all be very one-sided, but they will be able to listen.