8 year old discipline problem

[Ispy]

Background. DD is 8. DS1 is 6 and DS2 is 2. DD is a good girl generally. Very good at school behaviourally and socially.

I am having problems with her at home. She is constantly 'on' her brother (6). Constantly finding fault with what he says, ridiculing him under her breath and then when I pick her up on it she is blaming him for her behaviour. She will not let me have the last word and I'm really struggling with how to deal with her. I have sent her to her room this morning for being mean to her brother. My son is well behaved. He is a busy boy and may irritate her to some extent but nothing to warrant the way she treats him. As a mother of 3, I am constantly trying to juggle the needs of 3 - one of whom is a very demanding 2 year old.

Anyone identify with this? I feel like it is creeping up on us and unless I tackle it now effectively it's somehow going to get lumped into a general lack of respect for her family..

Personally I grew up in a dysfunctional family where the children were an afterthought and we lived in a household where my father was a tyrant and my mother a passive bystander. Reason I'm sharing this is because sometimes I wonder if my I don't always see the wood for the trees where discipline and respect are concerned with children and their parents.

Thanks for any imput.

OMG - your DD could be mine!
Mine dd is extremely bright yet she finds it hard to control her emotions. She's lovely but in the last year, she's become horrible to DS(5) and me. My dh works away all week and although I think that could be part of the problem (resenting me for him not being there), I also think she's starting to go through adolescence. She's growing really fast and getting so tall. She's also got little dimples on her bum and her tantrums are just like that of PMT or a teenager!
It's hard to know how to calm her down but she's always muttering under her breath at ds and saying bloomin awful things to me like "I wish you weren't my mother" and "I'd rather live in a children's home". I know she doesn't mean it but it's very hard to know what to do or how to react. we have found stopping treats like horse riding and no sleep overs to kind of help her put things into perspective!

My 8 year old DS is exactly the same and has even mentioned the smae words about wanting to live in a childrens home! Like the OP's DD my son is bright and sociable, but can be terrible at home - often picking on his younger brother, being rude to me, answering back and general bad attitude. His attitude reminds me of a stroppy teenager and he's only 8! The only solutuon I'm finding is to be very strict with him. It's not easy as my usual parenting is quite laid back. But at the moment if I give him an inch he'll take a mile, so now at the first sign of rude behaviour it has to be loosing his computer time or his pudding. It's hard work, so I hope this phase doesn't last forever. I'd like a shirt lull before the teenage years start!

Have just posted a similar thread - wondering what on earth to do with our 8 year old DD. Lots of strops, flouncing, blatant disobedience and generally challenging behaviour....Like moajab, we also remove screen time as a punishment(but I like the idea of no puddings - will try that one!) and I feel we ricochet from one threat and argument to another. Typical afternoon today - DD refused to come out with me on a chore, even though I was tagging on visit to buy new shoes plus chance to go to bookshop to spend birthday token. Eventually she was forced into coming with me. We ended up having lovely afternoon together - banana milkshakes and iSpy in car on way home as well. Then - although she was on a 'no screens' time - she sneaked downstairs after bedtime and took my phone to play with under covers. When challenged she denied having it, hid it, shouted at me to leave her alone to sleep etc. Now more days without screens plus early nights even though we have friends coming to stay (have taken away new shoes too!) Am hoping this is just another phase and that she's having a go at pushing the boundaries (she's certainly pushing my limits). Feels like having a stroppy teenager instead of sweet little 8 year old girl....

I would start by removing items that are of importance to her (I dunno, things like DS if she has one?) everytime she has an episode of bad behaviour.

Each time this happens, something of value to her gets taken away, and is only returned when she can prove she can behave.

If this doesn't work I would then start limiting 'fun outing' (even things like going to the park)

Being sent to her room won't be so much fun if all her things have been confiscated because of her behviour.

Sorry if that seems harsh but at 8 she will be ab;e to understand why you are doing this!