Sensitive 3yo DD's much loved teacher very ill, what to do?

[LeonardAndDeirdre]

DD has only just started to understand the concept that plants and bugs and things die. She refuses to believe they don't come back to life, I think this is probably pretty normal for her age. She is a very sensitive child, very emotional about things and painfully shy.

She started preschool in January, it was very difficult, there was a lot of screaming and inconsolable crying. She finally settled down in the last few weeks thanks to the patience and kindness of her teacher who among other things gave up all her breaktimes for two terms to sit indoors with her as DD was too afraid to go out to play. We have just found out that her teacher is unwell, she has a type of cancer with very poor prognosis, there are of course miracles and I am praying for one but 3-6 months seems to be the general consensus on how long she has left although she is only in early stages of diagnosis so this might change.

I don't know where to start on so many levels. I can't even think about her teacher myself without crying, she is so lovely and gave so much to our daughter this year. I don't feel like I have thanked her enough. I'm not certain she will return to work after the summer. I really don't know what to do, I have read a few bereavement threads but really don't know what the best thing to do is. She is so sensitive, I'm not certain preparing her for it is a good idea, it might make her very afraid, she is prone to panicky, over-emotional phases when she is really very scared about things. There will of course be things said at school at some point, I don't know if these will go over her head or not, I just don't know. And then there is the potential problems with a new teacher, although it feels awful to be thinking of that I know it is going to be really hard for her.

Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas on what you would do? In general I guess I fall into the hugger type of parent category and my natural instinct tells me to tell her nothing and wait and see but I have no experience of this kind of situation. I'd appreciate any help and advice very much.

you don't need to say anything until a few days prior to returning to nursery.

You don't know what's going to happen ( though it's unlikely she'll be teaching in Sept). You could end up confusing your DD with numerous current bulletins.

And you say her teacher won't be at nursery because she is poorly. And you take the lead from your DD - let her ask the questions so you know what info she wants you to give instead of info overload.

Try to speak to other staff members before term starts to explain your DD's unsettlement at nursery so you can work with them to help keep your daughter happy at nursery.

The nursery staff will be going through upset themselves about this and be very aware that the little ones will be sad too.

I wouldn't say anything to her tbh. I know it sounds harsh, but she may not even notice after a few weeks. However, my dd's dad (my dh) passed away before she was born. She has only in the last year or so started to ask questions and I answer as honestly but as simply as I can. But I never volunteer anything unless she has asked.

hth a little x

Thank you. I'm hoping she may not notice, not out of lack of care for her teacher. My biggest concern is that the older children in her class (is small village primary school so she is in with reception, year 1 and year 2) will end up explaining death to her rather than me and I'm worried they won't do it like I would. I'm not certain but I'm hoping that it is kind of like how she has been with the idea of Santa (not being trite here) and I'll get plenty of opportunities to explain it as her understanding builds up.

The summer break in itself was always going to be a problem with how she was at school. I think I'll try and not refer to her teacher and instead talk about the other staff a lot. Do you think that might help?

I think you should just tell her that the teacher isn't well and might not be there when she returns to school. Answer question honestly and succinctly and if another child informs your DD of the teacher's death just confirm it honestly.

A student teacher from my DD's village school was killed recently just after finishing teaching practice and they just didn't tell the children. They were prepared to answer honestly but the subject just didn't come up. Maybe the same will happen.