What to do when you realy NEED to have another baby but dh wants to wait????

[darrenandamy]

Title says it all really. We have been married for 10 years, have a beautiful 3 yr old ds who sleeps well, eats well, very good boy generally.

Seems to need a lot of attention but same as most 3 yr olds I would think. Life is pretty good and I don't know whay I am feeling this way but all I can think about all the time is having another child.

Am I mad to want to go back to the baby bit after 3 yrs? Especially when ds is starting school in september so I am able to go back to work soon.

DH thinks we should wait and he says he just wants to enjoy our life the way it is before diving into sleepless nights etc- a valid point. I can't force him! But I feel so broody and our family just does not feel complete to me. What's wrong with me?!

You need to discuss the issue properly with him.

My DS kept putting it off because he liked his old lifestyle back once we'd got past the nappy and sleepless night stage. I'm afraid I didn't discuss it properly and put up with his negativity about it. Now, 15 years later, I regret not having another one and now it is too late.

i am in the same situation and unfortunately i have no choice but to wait til OH thinks it is teh right time. i absoloutely hate the fact that someone else has total control over whether i have another child but that is the whole point of children, both parents have to completely want it. it is not up to me to make anyone else create a child.

i totally understand about the not complete feeling. i have two children but it just doesn't feel like all my children are here. i know there is at least one more baby waiting to join our family.

Mine should read DH not DS, doh!

@ scurry, i did wonder!!

booyhoo - I felt the same and we now have our 3rd, she is 25 weeks old now. Yes, we have a big gap (6 1/2 years) but my dh was ready for another by then and she is an absolute cherub. He's now saying 4 would be nice....

It is (imo) worth waiting until you both are ready. If he does it to make you happy it may end up causing resentment. YOu do need to talk to him though to makes sure he means not now, rather than never!

Very difficult situation to be in. It was like that with me and dh a few years ago. Ds was 3 and a half, and we were in Jamaica getting married. I think it was more to do with the relaxed atmosphere out there than anything else, but that's what made him change his mind. It was just a split second decision and I'm afraid I took complete advantage of it! It didn't happen strait away though, it was the third month of trying. He really didn't want any more though either. So maybe taking away any stress from him, would make it easier for him to see that he could cope with another one. I agree with other posters though, that it's a decision that has to be made by the both of you. I know exactly how you feel though. I long for another one again, but dh won't budge on it this time. 2 and that's it. But having said that, we don't have the room or money for any more at the moment, so reality says we shouldn't have more. Spoil the ones you have, is what my mum says. Good luck.

Thanks everyone, what a relief to know I am not the only one who has been in this situation. Realistically I know it's not the worst problem in the world but like booyhoo says, I just feel like there is another one of our babies waiting to join our family. It just doen't seem to 'fit' at the minute, I feel so hollow feling this way. I totally appreciate ds and I have worries about how a new sibling would effect him etc but I also worry that the impact of it may be worse the longer we wait!

Agree dh and I need to fully discuss this though. We have done a lot lately though and all he says is the time's not right for him yet. I can see why because I had terrible pnd after ds and he would come home from work to find me sobbing in a heap fairly regularly which was obviously a worry for him. I bonded with ds straight away but would imagine there were all these terribler things wrong with him and I was a nervous wreck everytime he cried, I was so scared of being a bad mummy. I am concerned that we would have the same issues again but I think last time it was just such a shock to the system and it took about 7 months for me to really feel like me again.

Still it frustrates me that I am so ready when dh isn't.

I understand that he has to want the child as much as we both wanted ds though so I suppose a good chat is in order. Will wait as long as it takes. Thanks everyone.