23 month old upset about wearing big sisters hand me downs.

[ArseyMum]

WWYD? DD2 gets very unset if I try to put DD1s old clothes on that she had grown out of. Some are so nice and she looks lovely in them but I know she doesn't like wearing them and gets so upset, crying for ten minutes sometimes. Should I just not put them on her?

What exactly is upsetting her?

23m is a bit young to be bothered by the fact they are hand-me-downs. But DD used to make a fuss over any 'new' clothes until she was about 5. In the end I stopped mentioning the fact they were 'new', or commenting on how nice they were, and used to just stick them in her drawer and pretend they'd always been there.

How on earth does she know? My 2.5 yr old would have no idea what is new and what clothes are hand me downs. It's all new to them!
Just tell her it's a lovely new top for her to wear and let her choose out of 2 different ones to give her the feeling of independence.
Honestly, unless your dd1 is wearing it one day and then passing it on to dd2 the very next day she will have no idea it used to be her sisters unless you tell her!

Are you sure its not just that she doesn't want to get dressed full stop?

My Ds is near enough the same age and would not have a clue whether his clothes were hand me downs or not, he's only 2!

Lol this has nothing to do with hand me downs she just doesn't want to get dressed.

Well, that may have been our mistake, we would say "isn't this a nice dress DD1 used to wear this dress etc" She now pulls at any dress of DD1 crying "DD1 dress". She's fine with other new clothes or clothes she doesn't know were DD1s. We know what to do in future, its just that its quite a few things we have said this about.

Do you have a small age gap, has she seen her sister wearing them?

DS would get upset if he wore something that he recognised as his sisters (unisex stuff obv) he would be convinced i was getting confused i suppose

but if i had put it away for a month he would no longer recognize them as his sisters and be happy with his 'new' clothes

DD1 would have been wearing the clothes last summer.

I have 3 DD's, 9, 6 and 9 months. DD2 absolutely loves getting DD1's clothes and DD1 hates giving them away. DD2 says things like "that will be mine soon"! Although there are 3 years between them DD2 is wearing clothes a year above her age so not a big gap. Hopefully your DD2 will soon realise that she gets the best of both worlds - some new clothes and old clothes making for a nice wardrobe !

There is no way she is complaining about them being hand me downs, she isn't even two. She just doesn't want to get dressed like most nearly two year olds. Let her run around just in a nappy/pants until you have to go out.

Except that she only makes a fuss if she knows they were DD1s clothes, she pulls at them crying saying "DD1 dress". I don't know whether to just put up with her crying for 10 minutes or put different clothes on her. If we went for the different clothes option she would have very few things left in her draw.

i would just distract/ignore

if she cries and says "dd1 dress" i'd say yes, and now it's "dd2's dress!!" now let's go and find a biscuit shall we?

She probably thinks you're putting her in dd1s clothes. Just stop telling her that

How do you react when she makes a fuss? Maybe just keep calming saying "no, it's your dress now".

I'm guessing that a nearly two year old would be developing a sense of "mine!" but probably wouldn't have the brain capacity to grasp "used to be hers, but now it's mine!" You know what to do in future - "here's a lovely new dress for you", without mentioning it used to be her sister's. But in the meantime just emphasise that they are all hers.

We could also hand straight down from DD1 to DD2, despite a three year age gap. But I tend to put them away for at least a couple of months, just so that I can get them out and present them as "new". And DD1 has to be included in the process now that she's 8, because she still has "views" about her little sister inheriting certain old favourites!

Yes we have learnt not to mention things belonged to DD1 unfortunately too late for a lot of clothes. We do say "no its DD2s dress", I just feel cruel making her wear things she knows were her sisters and doesn't want to were.

well you have 2 choices
use the clothes, ignore the tantrum and get on with it
or don't make her wear them and go and buy news ones

Children of this age often like to have a firm picture of what is right. She is reacting in the same way as a toddler who gets furious that Mummy is sitting in Daddy's chair ("Noooo sit in Daddy chair Mummy!"). Very common and completely normal. It is their way of gaining a handle on how the world works.

You would be right not to mention any new clothes used to belong to dd1.

As for the clothes she has already pegged as dd1's, I'd be inclined to put them away for a couple of weeks and then when you bring them out again, either pop them on her when she is distracted by other things and don;t make a big deal of it, or how about making a game of dd2 wearing something of dd1's and get dd1 to join in the game by wearing something of dd2's too? It might 'break the ice' and get rid of dd2's firm catagorisation of dd1's clothes as things that only dd1 can wear.

Thanks everybody, very good advice Yuno. Do you know about child psychology you seem very clued up?