Can we talk about getting children to start taking responsibility for themselves - I have a 9yr old in mind

[loves2walk]

Would love opinions of others on how you start gradually getting kids to take responsibility for themselves at this age.

I am a bit overweight and H is also overweight with a big family. So nutrition is very important to me and up to now I've taken responsibility for ensuring my kids eat 5 fruit & veg a day (not that they always do, just that I ty and see it as my job to offer enough so 5 is achievable). Ok so now I feel my 9 yr old should start caring about his diet himself and I want him to buy into the whole healthy eating/exercise thing so I can gradually handover to him, ie relax my nagging!

He has no interest whatsoever in healthy eating/ getting enough sleep/ sticking to set times for tv- perhaps this is very very normal but if it goes on, I then feel I have to go on enforcing rules and when does that ever stop then?

The reason I'm posting this now is we had a big chat a few days ago about importance of fruit and veg and he nodded a lot and said "yes mum great, will do, ok, no problem" and seemed to take the message on board. I asked him to get his packed lunch ready this morning and then checked it- no salad in sandwich just massive hunks of cheese, no fruit at all. Hardly any lunch infact as he said he couldn't be bothered to wash strawberrys or put grapes in a tub or take salad leaves from spinner.

Am I wrong in my expectations that he should take over some responsibility here? How do other people encourage this or is it just too early?

i let my 11 year old ds miss the school bus last week....simply because he wont get enough sleep and cant get up in the mornings!!

i'm so sick of him evading bedtime and then gets up at last minute and flies out of the door to get the bus....so i explained he would be woken once,if he didnt get up himself,then that would be his fault. i knew he'd miss the bus,even when he ran out for it....i just let him skulk back,admitting what had happened

he then felt bad i had to drive him in as he knew i didnt have much petrol and his young brothers would get dragged along too....

he seems to have learnt a bit......but its the hols,so will need to do it in sept again i think!

I don't think 9 is too young to make your own pack lunch but as he probably has lots more interesting things to do. Perhaps make it easier for him by buying fruit like apples that can be taken straight from the fruit bowl?

DS would probably find a poster or checklist helpful, reminding him to include something from each food group. He'd have fun making it too. But he's only 7.

Would you buy ready lunch box sized packs of carrots/grapes, then he can just grab a packet from the fridge. Or wash everything like strawberries beforehand, and get him to pack them th night before?

I am not sure my ds at 9 (almost 8) will be mature enough to do take responsibility for getting himself to bed at a decent time/pack a healthy lunch, but I think my dd, age 5, would be OK so depends on the child.

I've seen fruit and veg charts (I seem to remember little Trading Co do them) where he could give himself a tick for the x5 pieces, maybe something like that could help?

otherside yes I agree with you about a checklist, it's made me think maybe it's a good idea to introduce something that that at age 9.

A checklist is a great idea thanks. If he made it himself with some help it would also be "his" and not mine so that might help. Yes I'm sure he will not take bedtime seriously enough to ever get there himself!

Personally I give a big two fingers up to the '5 a day' thing. It's all about having a healthy, balanced diet...not counting how many flipping apples you eat a day. Wholegrains contain as much if not more vitamins and minerals as fruit and veg but no-one bangs on about them do they?

Nagging about fruit and veg can be counter-productive and might even put him off. By all means buy loose fruit that are easier to pack such as apples, pears, bananas, peaches, plums etc....and/or packs of ready to eat cut-up fruit to make it easier for him. Remind him but lay off a bit - if he's making his own packed lunch he's doing pretty well.

It's great that you take diet seriously but you also need to lead by example. Make sure he sees YOU eating healthily and trying to lose some weight. Do some exercise together and make it fun - swimming, bike-riding etc. Good luck!

Oh I try, but both me and H love our food, wine, chocolate! And thankfully we have passed some of that on so both boys eat really well, lots of varied foods with no fussiness. But there is a downside to enjoying your food! We try to exercise as well together.

I suppose my wider point is not just the 5 a day though that issue prompted me to post- it is more, when can you expect a child to start caring for themselves and taking responsibility. My DS1 who is 9 would never brush his teeth unless I reminded him, not bothered about washing his hair or showering, loves the chance to eat junk food, would watch tv loads if I let him- at what point should he start taking responsibility for managing himself? Maybe I'm ahead of myself here, maybe I should forget this for a few years yet. I just get a bit fed up sounding like a stuck record, issuing constant instructions.....

I think there is a middle road: you can keep on encouraging nagging him but trying not to get upset about the years it takes for the message to sink in. I have a boy of about the same age and I expect to hear myself droning on for a few years yet. My 13yo dd has just seemed to grow up overnight- but girls develop earlier, so am expecting ds to take slightly longer.

He sounds like a normal 9 year old to me ! I have a 9 year old DD who is fully aware of the whole healthy eating and exercise thing but given the opportunity (and she doesn't) would sit on the sofa in her Pj's all day eating chocolate!

I can't imagine for one minute her doing her own lunch box, I don't think that is realistic at 9. You are better of doing healthy lunch boxes for him. I tend to ask my girls to choose a piece of fruit each morning which they add to their box.

Watching with interest...my 9 yr old dd loves to tick off her 5 a day and make lists for what she needs for school on which day etc. After school she disappears off to do her homework without any reminders! I realise I have it soooo easy but have ds age 7 coming up close behind who is a DISASTER! He would eat biscuits and watch tv all day if I let him. I have made him a chart of what he needs for school but he has gone without his reading book several times and really doesn't care, whereas dd would be mortified. Sigh...I guess he has a "creative" temperament.

Well at least I am not alone in wondering about this. Thanks for your comments.

I just "reminded" DS1 to do his teeth (second reminder!) and off he went with a huffy air about him as he is deep into his Percy Jackson book so obviously thought I was being most inconvenient. I checked his teeth as we sort of share brushing and several were hardly touched. So yet again we've had a serious chat about fillings and redone them and I'm a bit stressed.

My mum thinks my expectations are too high and I was "just as bad" at same age, so maybe I need to slack off and accept his is ONLY 9!