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Parenting

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Original poster

Who is your children's favourite parent and has it changed?

17 replies

Vornsta · 22/08/2005 14:30

DS1 at 2.75 so prefers my dh it is really quite upsetting at times. I used to be numero uno but he gradually switched over, with a big jump when I had the temerity to have DS2 (5 months ago).
I used to know daddy was more exciting (very hands on and fun dad) but if ds1 was upset he would come to me. Even that is no longer the case now. I find it rather hard to stay grown up about it when my son says "don't want mummy, want daddy" on a regular basis. I know that ultimately it is good for him to be close to both of us and as a boy he needs his male role model. Unfortunately though I am not so great at dealing with rejection and I have to work really hard to keep jolly about things. Especially when I am the SAHM and feel have invested a lot in my kids. I guess I should just be grateful and get on with things!
It would be very helpful to hear other peoples's experiences and how they deal with stuff like this.

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Tortington · 22/08/2005 14:34

my eldest loves me cos am strict and he is a teenager and they like it - no - they do.
my daughter loves whoever will let her do what she wants
my youngest son loves his dad becuase dad is big n strong and like a big bear

Tortington · 22/08/2005 14:35

has it changed? ( sorry got fuckwititis today)

yes it changes like the whether depending on who has money sweets or appropriate bribes

Original poster

Vornsta · 22/08/2005 14:36

you have made me laugh!!

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Original poster

Vornsta · 22/08/2005 14:38

(so thank you!)

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MarsLady · 22/08/2005 14:39

daddy... soft as butter!

shimmy21 · 22/08/2005 14:45

My ds2 (6) is quite open about his order of preference. He lists it often! 1st his big bro, 2nd dh, 3rd the cat, 4th me

When I tell him how much I love him he says "But I don't love you I just like you!"

I know this is all about him being male and needing male role models (except the cat!)and I also know that I don't really believe him. He does love me (probably more than anyone else) because I am the person he turns to when things are bad, he needs security, stability, answers etc. I get loads of cuddles as long as I don't ask for them. He just needs to express his own maleness by refusing to admit that he loves anyone (because love is soppy girly stuff) and by identifying himself with his big strong dad.

Still hard to deal with though, isn't it?

RachD · 22/08/2005 14:50

Mine is very minor compared to yours.

Every now and then ds only wants one of us.
This goes on for 2 or three days.
Then back to normal.
Then he only wants dh.
Then me.
Its only very minor, but when he does it, he wants nothing to do with me, what-so-ever.
And I really don't like it.

But there's nothing you can do, is there ?

If it's more severe, is there anything you can actually do ?

Mum2girls · 22/08/2005 14:56

Both my DDs prefer me and tbh always have. They vie with eachother every meal time to sit by me. Plead with me to read their bedtime story rather than their dad and so on.

DP thinks it's 'natural'. I think it's because I take a real delight and interest in them. DP also does, but much less so.
I am also the one who disciplines them.

It's exhausting, but I dread the day when one or both become daddies girls.....

Em32 · 22/08/2005 15:23

It varies. My ds really loves his dad though - as my NCT teacher used to say 'it is like God coming home' when daddy walks through the door. He loves whoever is giving him the most attention. Some days you get kisses sometimes you don't, can be hard to take.

troutpout · 22/08/2005 18:35

DS (8) used to want me the most...but now he is stroppy-Know-it- all boy...and suddenly dad is flavour of the year.
DD (2) is utterly and completely for me in every way.

Original poster

Vornsta · 22/08/2005 19:17

thanks for everyone's replies
Shimmy21, do you remember how old your son was when you were put in 4th place? I wonder if it is a natural developmental thing for boys (assuming dad is interested enough in boy) Yes, it is hard to deal with!
RachD what I try to do is have special time with ds1 and to be consistent where humanly possible. I do get rewarded with occasional "mummy I love you" and big hugs so I know our relationship is OK deep down.
Mum2girls - lucky you! I think "real delight and interest" is key for any child. DH is certainly better at maintaining this than me, possibly because he does childcare a lot less, but also he is just a lot more extrovert and sociable!
Em32, yes daddy is god! and troutpout when did your DS stop wanting you most?

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jennifersofia · 23/08/2005 21:12

We went through a stage of this for a long period when my eldest was 3-ish, there would be a lot of "No! not mummy. Daddy Daddy!" or just vehement pushes away with the arms. I found that to a certain extent I was not bothered by it, but when I was persistently rejected and not allowed to do anything without a fuss, I would get really pissed off and fed up, and lose my temper. I would sometimes walk out in a huff, and then go and cry. Although none of this was strategic, I found it helped because she could then see the emotional effect that her actions had.
At the time I thought that that was it - this was how our relationship would be, but it has changed and normalised, and she will come to me for a cuddle now.
Stick with it, and remember it will change!

Original poster

Vornsta · 25/08/2005 23:25

thanks jennifersofia, it's good to be reminded that things change. I'm feeling better about things now having had a good cry on dh's shoulder and having received mumsnet support!

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steffee · 26/08/2005 00:15

My ds1 has always been closer to me than his dad until a few months ago, where now he goes through stages. dd was always a daddy's girl, but now she is very close to me, though has days when she is close to her dad. ds2 is only 20m and has always been closer to me.

I think ds1 is closer to me deep down, but is jealous of the attention dd gets from her dad. dd follows me everywhere bless her, and ds2 does too.

But yes, I find days when they prefer their dad hard to take, though I know deep down I'm being ridiculous.

vicimelly · 26/08/2005 05:12

My dd 4 1/2 has done this periodically since she wa just turned three, we go through impossible days/weeks where I can't do anything without a huge fuss and screaming of 'I want daddy!'
This really gets to me because she only sees him once a month!! I know thats probably why - when she does see him it's all fun and games and they have a great time together, with me it's boring everyday stuff mostly!
But it is bloody annoying that he's the favourite when he's not even here!! lol

philippat · 26/08/2005 07:37

always been me (dd nearly 4). No idea why, DH spends just as much one-to-one time with her and is much more fun and less grumpy. It's exhausting sometimes.

fifilala · 26/08/2005 07:54

depends on what it is for. DS 3.6mths. Mummy for cuddles and food etc, daddy for the cinema,"rough play" going to the swimming pool.

He just seems to like each of us for different things - i suggested going to see Madagascar the other day but it was don't want to - daddy goes to cinema! (so several free hours for me!!!)

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