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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you have a favourite child?

31 replies

steffee · 22/08/2005 12:28

My mum has told me that all parents have a favourite child, and that usually one parent will favour one, while the other parent favours the other (if there are two children). My Grandparents, aunts, etc all have a favourite grandchild, neice or nephew etc; but my mum says all parents have a favourite child too.

We have a ds1, dd and a ds2 and I'm pretty sure our dd is dh's 'favourite'. He denies this of course... but I don't think I do have a favourite child. The three of them are just so different. Ds1 is quite anxious and needs a lot of attention/reassurance, dd is very affectionate to everyone and is adorable, and ds2 is the baby, he is so cheeky and funny.

Does anyone else have a favourite child?

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Easy · 22/08/2005 12:30

My favourite child is .....someone else's

So I can hand it back when I've had enough

hunkermunker · 22/08/2005 12:30

I have a favourite outside child and a favourite inside child Have a 16mo and am pg

waterfalls · 22/08/2005 12:31

No, they are all equally adorable.

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MarsLady · 22/08/2005 12:32

it depends on the circumstance and the current behaviour of any given one of mine. They are all my favs for different things at different stages.

don't think I have a favourite, but I'm sure that that could change depending on the living expenses packages they provide for my dotage!

Mum2girls · 22/08/2005 12:34

I honestly and truly don't have a favourite. My DDs are very different and each needs me in a different way, but hand on heart I love them equally.

Mum2girls · 22/08/2005 12:35

Marslady what a shrewd plan - I reserve the right to adopt this too.

tabitha · 22/08/2005 12:35

I don't have a favourite but like Marslady I like different ones at different times/stages, ie easy-going 8 year old ds might be 'preferred' to stroppy 14 year old dd now but no doubt in a few years the situation will be different.

Kazziegirl · 22/08/2005 12:50

No favourites here - I love ds and dd equally for different reasons.

littlesteppers · 22/08/2005 12:57

i dont think i have a favourite, but at certain times i prefer to be around 1 more than another, especially when mydd who is 8, is acting like a stroppy teenager, but my ds can have his tantrums as well so my dd is tha angel then.

i would say my dh doesnt favour our ds as such, but he def has more time for him

Original poster

steffee · 22/08/2005 13:42

Yeah I know what you mean, when one is acting up and one is being adorable, it's hard not to favour the 'good' one just for that day. The next day the roles will be reversed though, lol. So, no, no favourites!

OP posts:

Original poster

steffee · 22/08/2005 13:42

OP posts:

ednaferber · 22/08/2005 13:52

Yes. Different child at different times

Kaz33 · 22/08/2005 14:09

I do but in a deeply emotional way, not a favoured child way. DS1 is DP's definitely, his personality is most like DP's and he held DS1 first after traumatic birth and bonded with him while i returned to some semblance of normality.

DS2 though a difficult birth, fought his way out and gave me the VBAC I so wanted. Strangely enough I am so thankful to him for that. Then DS2 is physically and emotionally most like me.
He is my favourite.

But then we are big enough to deal with that and keep that secret from the kids and not let that affect how we treat them.

Then again DP is both boys favourite parent and always has been. So I feel a bit left out

Original poster

steffee · 22/08/2005 16:48

Awww Kaz, I'm sure your dp is not your children's favourite parent!!

Yeah I know what you mean, and yes, we are all mature enough to keep it from our children if we do have a favourite child.

OP posts:

fqueenzebra · 22/08/2005 17:02

there was a bloke on radio today (this was in a story about a Norwegian study that eldest child does better than younger siblings at school) -- this bloke saying that all parents have "favourites". He really irriated me because I know I get along with one more than others (who isn't the same child long term...) but it's not like having a fave ice cream or movie. I might always order the same ice cream or have one movie I would argue is better than all the rest, but I don't only really want the company of one of my children.

Anyway, I am favourite parent in the household; if they have favourites, why shouldn't We?

Hymphfff...!

QueenOfQuotes · 22/08/2005 17:05

Well I'm going to be honest and say

Yes - I do have a favourite child.

Love both of them to bits, but still 'prefer' one of them over the other.

Original poster

steffee · 22/08/2005 17:12

That's how I feel, fqz! It's perfectly normal to have a favourite child (as long as you don't show it, lol) and to get on with one child more than another, or to be similar personality-wise to one child more than another, but to say everyone has a favourite is just like saying no parent ever has a favourite. It drives me mad when people (my mum) asks me who my favourite is because I "must" have one. I really don't think I have one, and if I did, I wouldn't tell her anyway!

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Twiglett · 22/08/2005 17:27

honestly, truly yes I think I do

but I am hoping that is due to ages and dependence .. ie even though I love them both dearly and truly I feel more gooey inside when I look at DD (16 months) than when I look at DS (4.5)

so I seem to be the only one admitting this

nutcracker · 22/08/2005 17:35

Maybe thats cos she's the baby though Twig, cos I am the same with Ds.

cod · 22/08/2005 17:37

Message withdrawn

Original poster

steffee · 22/08/2005 17:55

I kinda understand that, as I think I bonded better with ds2 because the birth was so straight-forward and brilliant actually, compared to the first two which were dreadful. Dh didn't bond with ds2 at all so it was me that did everything for him.

When dd was first born dh immediately bonded with her and I felt more protective towards ds1 because he isn't dh's biological child. In a way I was not very close to dd because I was busy making sure ds1 didn't feel neglected, and pregnant with ds2 (gosh, that sounds so awful doesn't it?) but now dd and I are very close. She follows me everywhere and is a little angel.

OP posts:

PeachyClair · 22/08/2005 17:57

My favourite child varies amssively on an hour by hour basis, sometimes one'll last a week or ytow thenm it'lls wap dependant on lots of things- my mood, what's happenning to them, behaviour etc

batters · 22/08/2005 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeorginaA · 22/08/2005 19:33

Twig I'm the same. I wonder how much of it is that fcking fours stage compared to the delightful not-quite-hit-toddler phase though? Ds2 is being really cute and delightful at the moment, but I'm constantly having to make sure that I have plenty of opportunities in the day to show ds1 how much he is loved and wanted. Ds2 is just so much easier* to give and receive affection at the moment.

myturn · 22/08/2005 19:55

If I am honest I suppose I do really, however awful that sounds. But I think it is because I have two children who are very similar to me in personality and two who are not. I am naturally more comfortable with the two who are unlike me (I wonder why??!!) and find that there does tend to be a little friction with the other two - a clash of personalities does sometimes occur. I know it is the same with my siblings and my parents - my parents get along with us all in a different way and on different levels. But we know that we are all loved.

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