had my 5th baby boy and i'm depressed

[Denise1970]

hello i'm Denise and i've got a 3 month old baby boy, i already have 4 boys aged 16, 13, 9 and 4 and tbh i really didn't want anymore boys. i hoped for a girl in all my pregnancies but i got boys and i accepted it.i always knew its 50/50 chance, i didn't really want boys but i got them and i love them and care for them but i'd have preferred five girls instead. now i'm 40 and me and my partner agreed that this was gong to be our last child now, i don't want anymore now this was my last shot at getting my baby girl and its another blasted boy! i feel really bad cos i know some women can't have babies at all and would do anything to have a baby boy and i've got one and i don't want him. i am trying to want him but i just keep looking at him n wishing he was a girl. i hope i can get over this for his sake and mine but right now i just feel so down and i keep crying and i just feel terrible. i've also been a bit off with my other boys. my 13 year old got into some trouble at school but it was relatively minor, i grounded him for a month and doubled it to two months when he argued and now i think i was way too harsh on him but its too late now because hes done the two months! poor kid a week or so would have been enough. anyway i digress. what should i do? i want to love my 5th son but i wish he was a girl and right now i can't get passed this.

Gateau, I dont agree or disagree with any of the comments here, but I do know that you cannot help how you feel about some things. And remember, hormones make you feel very irrational sometimes.

When I was pg with ds1, I wanted a boy, so I was thrilled, but with ds2 (now 6w), I wanted a girl so we had one of each, and a "balanced" family, etc. When ds2 arrived, any thoughts of a girl left me, and I am in love with my two boys. The reality and the fantasy are two very different things.

You also have to remember that the op has asked for our help, how to get past this, as she knows she has to, and wants to. Please dont be too hard on the people being honest here.

"However given the choice, I would have five boys over five girls ANY day."

How is this comment any different from the op wanting a specific gender?

Havent read any answers OP but just to let you know, my Gran had 4 boys then a girl (my mum).

My mum was a very non affectionate little girl and my mum and Gran never and still dont (at 87 and 58) get on too well.

Sometimes I wonder if my Gran ecpected her only girl to be a certain way and she wasn't?

My Gran is very close to her 4 boys, especially 2 of them are her definite favourites and the boys do loads for her and my mum who lives 5 minutes away does very little for her.

Maybe you have some very special little boys there who will amke you happier than any girl could have made you .

I understand why you'd feel sad as you have concluded he is your last but im sure in time you will feel better. Enjoy your little bundle. x

Sorry about all the typo's , rushing!

I have 4 brothers and am the only girl (youngest). My mum always claimed I was far worse than my brothers and cried all the time and how terrible I was etc. The truth is I think she was so used to dealing with boys she didn't know how to manage a girl I do not have a great relationship with my mum but wish I did.

I haven't read all the responses but do you think you maybe suffering Post Natal Depression? Also have you thought about counseling? I've recently had some and found it so helpful. It's made a huge difference.

I bet you're a great mum and when you come out the otherside of this painful time, you'll be better and better. I know we're not meant to do hugs on mumsnet but here's a massive ((hug)) from me to you.

Just realised your ds must be 9m old by now - just wondered how you're doing?

From two of the latter posts here it does appear that couples who set out on a quest for a specific gender are finding that it wasn't all cracked up to what they thought it was going to be. Just because you have a girl, doesn't mean she will be all feminine (I'd actually imagine less so if she has 4 older brothers!!). You can't mould someone into something they aren't.

The women I know who have older brothers (1 or more) tend to be more tom boy-ish IME. The only feminine ones I know tend to have a mix of brothers and sisters or are the eldest in the family.

interesting read, my mum had 4 girls, 3 within 3 years (I'm 2nd and 3rd sister arrived when i was 11 months old) 4 years later she had another girl, made it clear to my dad she wanted a boy (since having my own kids, my mum makes out she suffered having us and so many but dad corrected her saying he wanted to stop after me but she kept wanting a boy, made me feel great i tell you-not!) anyhow she kept going and after #4 girl she had her tubes tied, i think she would have stopped if i were a boy tbh, so i suffered, middle child etc! anyway 2 years after last girl and tubes tied they had my brother. he now lives thousands of miles away now and my mum does not have the mother son relationship she so craved, and as for us girls, other than my oldest sister (pfb) none of us are really close (geographically or emotionally) to our mum, hard to be when she never wanted us. sad.

minstrals that's awful :( I imagine there are thousands of couples out there who do this though. It's so sad. I wish people would just be happy with what they get in life rather than chasing for something that may never be.

You sort of highlighted what I was saying in a previous post re: your brother being so far away and not having a close bond with your mum. It just goes to show gender has nothing to do with it.

MadameDanielle, you don't need to be nuts to benefit from therapy! That's a very offensive statement . I have very similar feelings of disappointment to the OP and have been having counselling for a couple of months now (so it's not just people with children of both gender, I have two boys and have suffered very badly from gender disappointment). It really is helping me come to terms with not having a daughter. Everyone's situation is different, everyone's emotional reaction to their situation is different - counselling will work for some and not for others. All I can say is, it's helping me. Denise, I hope you're feeling happier about your situation now.

I know this is an older post, but if ever read this again, I'm wondering how you feel 10 years later? I'm about to have my 5th boy. No girls. I always wanted a girl and this will be my last baby. I still want the baby I'm getting, I just had hoped I'd one day have a girl. Some days I'm over it and other days I'm hiding tears at the loss of that hope. I hope you have found your happiness with your boys.