Is it normal for 3 year olds to squabble with their freinds?

[OnEdge]

And also, is it normal for the mums to not notice when their kids start it?

My daughter has a best freind, she is always mawling my daughter, pulling her bossing her. The girls mum never ever sees this and when my daughter reacts she sees this as the start of a fight, she dunt notice that her daughter has been driving mine mad for 10 minutes.

Do I just let them get on with it, or should I get involved.

When her freind goes home, they both cry and cry because they want to stay together, so it cant upset her that much.

I would step in when the other dd is starting things off with a general "play nicely" as opposed to telling her off individually, then she won't drive your dd mad

Squabbling is normal - and agree with plum's approach. Avoid apportioning blame.

Its really tricky with the Mum actually,she is very overbearing and if she decides to bollock my daughter I am too scared to say anything, that is awful but I hate confrontation. i feel disloyal for not sticking up for my daughter, but I wouldnt get involved in the ins and outs like the other Mum does.

Its like I am lowering myself to the level of a three year old if I start arguing with the Mum. I am tempeted to back off form the whole freindship but the gilrs love each other.

The other day, my daughter ran up to me crying about something the other girl had done, and the Mum rolled her eyes and said "Oh here we go !"

I thought that was a bit off really, I wouldnt dream of doing that if it was her daughter I just sit quietly and keep out and remain diplomatic.

My 3yo DS and my good friend's 4 yo DS ADORE each other. They are totally in love and hate leaving each other. But the little buggers fight all the time over anything - her DS winds mine up to the point where he retaliates with violence. However, she is aware of his annoyingness and unless there's risk of serious injury we stand back a bit and try and let them sort it out. Otherwise my DS would always get told off as he is the hitter.

Agree not to blame one or the other - friend's DS should be less annoying, my DS should be less prone to random acts of violence.

I really think my DD is blameless

I know that sounds mad, but the only thing she does wrong is out think her and out run her physically.

She will run off on the beach looking over her shoulder like "chase me" and the other one sits down and cries, and the Mum gets cross with my DD, and says to hers, "DONT chase her, its what she wants!" and Im thinking well....yes

She makes out my daughter is manipulative, but I just think she is brighter and so she cant help but out think her to get what she wants, is that nasty?

This is bothering me more than I wan to admit, Im even thinking of asking my own Mum along because she wouldnt do it if my Mum was there. Therefore she must know its out of order?

Im 39 FFS and taking my Mum with me.

I cant handle bossy women.

The other Mum needs to to ask if it's OK to 'bollobk your daughter' and if you feel she's being unfair to her, then you need to stand up for

I really think my DD is blameless

I know that sounds mad, but the only thing she does wrong is out think her and out run her physically.

She will run off on the beach looking over her shoulder like "chase me" and the other one sits down and cries, and the Mum gets cross with my DD, and says to hers, "DONT chase her, its what she wants!" and Im thinking well....yes

She makes out my daughter is manipulative, but I just think she is brighter and so she cant help but out think her to get what she wants, is that nasty?

This is bothering me more than I wan to admit, Im even thinking of asking my own Mum along because she wouldnt do it if my Mum was there. Therefore she must know its out of order?

Im 39 FFS and taking my Mum with me.

I cant handle bossy women.

oops sorry

Jareth I just cant, i dont know how to do it, there would be a nasty row, i really cant do them. It sounds pathetic but I dont know what to do. People have always walked all over me, I am like a little puppy that rolls over and pisses itself

Totally normal for them to squabble although the other mother is a bit out of order - if you don't like confrontation then back off from her and avoid for a bit.

If she asks why you can tell her you feel uncomfortable with the way she is treating your DD - I agree with Jareth that you need to stand up for your DD

Im spineless, its not fair on my daughter is it.

Actually, she always picks me up and insists on driving, so I cant even go home when it gets crap. I might back off and find excuses but I cant avoid her for ever and the girls love each other so much its a shame.

How do you feel when you have to confront parents like this, do you feel nervous?

Or does it just come out. I would get all shaky and upset. Whenever I do confrontation it always go wrong and people think i am a lunatic. the freindship/relationship never survives it. Once it was a boss, and once my cousins wife.

(excuse terrible typing in prev post)

it IS totally normal for kids this age to argue/squabble/be bossy. You do sound very nervous of this mum... is it just her?

If you want tips, feel free to ask
(not that I proclaim myself any kind of yoda master, but I do get the tigress thing if anybody unfairly disciplines DS)

yes give me tips please. This Mum is a funny one. ALL of my other freinds dislike her because she is very bossy and dificult. She is extremely overbearing and confrontational. I am her freind because despite all of this, I love her company, and there is a pull to spend time with her.

She is a bit motherly and cares for me a lot, i am pregnant and she really looks after me, that is weird I know, I dont need looking after, its difficult to explain.

We met at the mother baby group when our girls were new born. She completely dominates me and normally I let it go. If hse over steps the mark, I stick up for myself in a joking but serious too way.

She makes out she is popular but at her \DD birthday party there were only two other mums n kids there she knows from swimming so I dont think she has many other freinds cos she is a bit mad.

Its only cos she is being a git to my daughter that I am having problems with her. I am normally very protective over my Dc but this one is tricky.

I am confused by the whole relatioship now.

This might be a weird question, but is she an eldest and are you not? I'm an eldest and find myself being far too bossy sometimes (though am very conscious of it and reel it in )

Practice "Thank you, but I'll deal with it thanks". If you let everything else slide, please make sure you don't let her undermine you in front of your daughter, and your daughter must know that you'll stand up for her no matter what.

How do you react if you're in a playground an another kid is pushing your DD? Do you let it go or do you tell them off? Not being judgemental here in the slightest, it's taken me a while but I don't care anymore. If my friends can't take me standing up for my kid then they're not my friends. (I'm coming across as uber bolshy, aren't I )

I'm wondering if she's feeling a bit crappy herself actually, from what you say it sounds like she has a huge inferiority complex.

I know a Mum from our NCT group who was uber pushy. She had the only girl in the group who was, of course, far more advanced than any of the boys , it was all about her and her little girl, and if the boys dared come near her DD then they got a telling off (even at months old). The boys were more active, as boys tend to be, and her DD got knocked over sometimes and she was generally sitting in the middle of the room.

well she is the youngest of her siblings, but she is 47 and im 39, im an only child.

She has 4 kids, 21,19,17 and 3, so she is a bit been there seen it all before. She often gives advice about bringing up kids and I think its a load of bollocks but true enough, it turns out that she was right.

I was at a ball pool last week and a boy threw a ball right into my DD face, I was in there like a shot and I told the boy off, I just said you dont throw balls into faces, its naughty. If his mum had had a go at me I would have had a go back but she was no where to be seen. So instinctively I do protect her. the difference is that he was a stranger.

My freinds DD once pulled my DD`s hair our, and she did really tell her off and made her go home, so she is fair most of the time.

Last week, my freind said I think we should have a zero tolerance with this squabbling, if thy are arguing over a toy, we take it off them etc. Its been since this that she has had a free reign to tell my daughter off.

I think it is because she is telling them both off at the same time, but I am thinking it is her DD fault for being slow. Like they want to go onone of those rides you put money on, my DD will eye it up and run for it, getting on it first, her DD comes up crying and performing and yanks my DD off it so my DD gets bollocked too. Its this zero tolerance.

She sees that as a squabble, I see it as her DD yanking mine off the ride. Why should my DD get punished? Or was she spiteful for being sly and getting on it first rather than being freindly and sharing?

We have a mutual freind who has moved away now and she too thinks she has an inferiority complex and hides it by being bolshy. My other freind thinks that she has a complex about being mistaken for the DD`s grandmother because she does look too old to be her mum.

To her credit, her three older children are the loveliest people you could wish to meet, she has done a fantastic job of bringing them up, so i tend to think she knows how to handle the squabbling thing.

Damn - wrote a big reply and the internet ate it grr.

You sound like you are happy to reprimand children if you don't know the parants - sorry, but you need to extend this to your friends daughter! Your DD will get confused if there are different rules.

It sounds like your friend is taking charge of the whole playdate, everything is her responsibility. She has teens, so I can see how it is difficult to switch between teen and toddler mentality, perhaps this explains the zero tolerance thing - makes it easier for her?

Anyhoo - treat her DD the same as you would any random kid misbehaving towards your DD, or in your house.
It's perfectly normal to reprimand a child in your house if they're doing something you deem unacceptable.

Its funny what you said about the woman you knew who thought her DD was far more advanced than any of the others at NCT. That was exactly how she managed to alienate herself from all the others.

But my DD has overtaken hers in many ways. Like round the ball pool is a little fence, my DD flies over it, and hers stands there wailing to be helped over it.

The only thing my DD does that she can find fault with is her speech, she doesnt pronounce her Ss, and she has jumped on this and really exagerates not being able to understand her. She is making a point. My DD will say "I was going up the tairs" which is obviously stairs and my freind will look all confused at me for inerpretation. But i think really she understands. This is humiliating for my DD and also makes me want to say something but I am too chicken

argh, this is infuriating me. I actually cut off contact with the NCT person as she was so negative towards my DS. He was the first to roll (could traverse the room at 6mo)crawl, could do baby signing.

He didn't sit until almost 9mo (he could move, why would he sit still??) and was the last walker and talker int he group.

ALL she did was undermine my parenting, constantly point out his 'failures' and ask me if I was worried, in a pointed was 'G has been walking for 4 months now, aren't you concerned?'

hiss.

btw, DS, is quick, crafty, brilliant and there is certainly nothing wrong with him. He's a friendly little boy and very polite (unlike her little darling )

Anyway, I digress.... I do think you need to stand up to her, sorry... if you don't want to, you can always cut her out. Don't forget that her behaviour will impact on your DD's.

Yes i did think of doing that too, telling her daughter off also but its just not in my nature to be like that because I would prefer to let my daughter sort it out, she can stick up for herself. I told the boy in the ball pool off because he was not being supervised by his mum. If my freinds daughter did that my freind would immediately step in and sort her out. Its more subtle things.

Why ont you come round next time and join in, she would meet her match then. I am a wuss !

Really I would be happy to back off cos I just dont need this, but my DD is so fond of hers.

Where are you? I'll happily join

aw, just looked at your profile - you're bloody miles away! :-p

your DD is gorgoues