how do I teach my DS that he can't have everything NOW!

[whatname]

He is 2.9 How do I teach him patience?
He kind of understands that soon, tomorrow, next week isn't now, but it's when he wants stuff immediately.I don't want him to think he gets everything he wants immediately, but now he thinks he can say pleeeeaasse in a lovely little voice and that ensures he gets everything immediately!!

Also, how do I get him not to want me to do everything with him. If I go into a different room to get something, he will follow me, he wants me to draw with him constantly. I play with him a lot but he wants me all the time.
I'm exhausted and it's wearing me down.
I feel so bad writing this because he is so adorable, but I need some help.
I am counting the hours til he goes to nursery this afternoon.

just say no.

and for the second part. "Draw by tourself mummy is reading"

I have the same issue with dd who is roughly the same age.

I say no you can;t have xxxx now because xxxxx eg 'no you can't a have a biscuit now because of dinner'

I agree with custy re. the second part. I say 'mummy is busy now, you do xxxxx and I'll join in later.

Both of these normally are answered by 'I want it'

So would also love ideas!!

I say that, and different variations, and he grabs my hand and pulls, or wails. how many times do I have to say it until he gets it.

Moonlight, he really doesn't get the "eat this and then you can have this" either

he is also now grabbing letters off me when I am reading, and taking my phone off me when i look at it.

Sounds just my dd. I think they just want to be involved with whatever we are doing. My dd will ignore all her toys and would rather be copying me and whatever I'm doing.

So when the post comes I give her a piece of the junk mail that has come and tell her thats her bit.

If I'm writing I give her a pen so she can write to. She does want a pen, a crayon is not good enough!

Distraction works sometimes.

It's so frustrating isn't it.

very frustrating!!
is it just another phase?
I am constantly trying to distract him, or cajole him or persuade him.
i do think he is particularly active, he never sits still, and they have commented on that in nursery!!
think I need to wear him out!!

When DS does the pulling thing, sometimes I go with him, but if I'm busy/wiped out I just sit there and let him pull at my hand saying "No DS, I'm busy at the moment/I'm sitting down/I'm staying here, but you can go and play by yourself if you like."

He usually tugs at my hand for a bit and then screeches for a minute or two, then goes off to play happily. The times when he doesn't go off happily, more often than not the actual thing behind the tantrum is that he's hungry or tired.

I also have some activities he can do which are a compromise, e.g. some wooden jigsaws on a little table next to me sat at the computer, which he mostly does himself and then gets me to break them up when he's finished one.

Rotating toys helps too - currently his favourite is a wooden tool kit from ELC (half price a couple of weeks ago, not sure if it still is) and he gets really engrossed in that, because it's still new. When he loses interest I'll put it away somewhere and get out one of the other toys he was really interested in when they were new, like his stacking ring set from ikea.

The thing I really struggle with is keeping him away from the cooker when I am making his tea - we end up having things like fish fingers and frozen veg far too often, because I can just shove them in and forget about them for 15 minutes. I did have a playpen, but it took up too much room and drove me mad so I took it down. I might see if my mum still has the old flat folding one from when I was little as it's easier to put up and down than the one I have.

Sorry - meant to say, the screeching/frustrated noise thing when I don't get up and go where he wants to, I feel terrible when he is doing it (and often he throws himself to the floor as well which looks at first like he was pulling so hard he fell over) - but just ignoring and stating that I was busy, he got over it really quickly, and was quite happy. I don't think it's a problem to let your child get upset sometimes - it teaches them to manage their feelings. As long as you are giving him some attention, don't feel you have to play with him all the time!

thanks
he is now shouting from his bedroom door.shouting come up mummy!

i do all of that too Bertie.. it just doesn't seem to be getting any better.

asleep finally

Is he an only child?
I used the excuse of 'i need to do something for (younger sister) when i was nannying as the 3yr old wanted me to do EVERYTHING for him - he switched between happily being on his own to clingy and wanting me every second.

We would go into a shop and he would pick anything - and i mean like from a cabbage to a massive tractor toy or something and he would go 'you buy it, i want it' and i said no, you can't have everything or wait for your birthday (which only ended up in: 'i want it, you buy it for my birthday?'!)

Also for small things saying you don't have any money or coins, saying you have a good idea on what they could do at home (changing the subject) and eventually just ignoring it completely!

Saying you need to do something when he asks you is also one i use, as is reading one page and he reads the next two, you draw a picture and he could draw a picture like it (houses.. how many houses did i have to draw a day!!)

He will learn he can't have everything and your attention at all times but it is abit of the 'at that age' i normally get them stuck into something and pop in and out now and then to go 'wow you are doing a good job!' and help if they need to - something like making a den out of a box or doing a puzzle.
If he says it more than twice and you say the same answer each time, i would ignore the next few but that is just what i do and what works for me!

Good luck!!!

thanks Octopus, it is just him, so no other distractions
He's been ok the last couple of days, i have made an extra effort to ignore him, that sounds terrible!!

My DS (5) still doesn't get this. DD got it just about by his age and gets it now (she's 7).

This morning he wanted to tip out all his coins to find a 20p when we had 2 mins left to leave the house to get to school on time. He couldn't find one and was shouting with anger. I said if he was nice to me (instead of shouting at me and hitting me like he normally does) I would help him find one after school but we didn't have time now. I had to keep saying it as he just didn't get it. (We got to school just in time.)