would you let your 4 year old sleep over at her friend's house?

[neverenoughMEtime]

Im thinking 4 is a little young...

PLUS..DD still has a dummy and comfort blanket!!! Im ok with this as its only at night time, but what to do when the friend stays over!! She will probably agree to leave it with me but when she starts getting tired and they start settling down she will probably start asking for it and crying etc..what if this little girl tells her friends that she still has dummy/is a baby etc?? The little girl can be a bit..wont say nasty as she is only 4 but you know, funny.

is 4 a bit young?

DS didn't sleep over at friends till more like 7 or 8 - nothing wrong in doing it earlier, but I reckon they should be sleeping properly when they're that young and "sleepovers" tend to mean more disruption than sleep!

I think four is a bit young for a sleepover, possibly if she was a relative it would be ok.

Dd has been doing sleepovers (with her older brother there too) since she was 3 - local friend, know family well, no problems. Both girls take copious numbers of cuddlies, never any pressure on either side - one wears a night time nappy, the other doesn't -again, not been an issue.

DS is 6 and hasn't had any sleepovers. DD is 4 and has had a sort-of sleepover (we went to stay with a friend where we used to live last weekend but I was in the spare bedroom. She did sleep in the same room as her friend. And had 9 soft animals in bed with her )

My oldest did, because it was at our next door neighbour's and we know them very well. However, in your case, I would be wanting to get rid of that dummy for the sake of her teeth (the blanket is no issue - most kids have something they sleep with and take to Brownie camp for instance, much older), and so I might use the "give up the dummy for a month and then you can have a sleepover" if you're actually happy for her to do it.

My 5 year old hasn't done it yet, but all her friends are oldest children so their parents aren't so inclined, but she may get to in Oct if she's the 'chosen one' for a friend's birthday. dd1's friend was youngest and she went for sleepover when the older ones had them, y'see.

As AMIS says, sleepovers are about staying up late then trying to talk their way through till dawn without the mum-in-charge noticing. I usually, esp with younger ones, let them stay up later (they get to watch a film in bedroom on the laptop), let them have some giggle time, then give a warning of "still talking in 15 mins I'll move someone to another room" and then I do - they're usually asleep within 10 mins of separating and I can return them to same room, iyswim.

Ah thanks everyone. I dont know the family really well, we have done play dates every other week since april...not long is it. Only met them at nursery. They seem nice though and DD enjoys being with their DD..
Thats a nice idea to let them watch a film then have some "silly" time before sleep..thanks shirley.

Hmm i dont know then. I dont like to say no now the mum has practically asked me. I did tell her i dont think DD is ready yet. Said i dont mind having her DD though.

It depends. If she has often been there to play, has known the Mum for a long time and feels comfortable, it's fine. If it's a new school friend, probably a bit young, unless she is very confident and independent, and very keen to go.

Dummies and blankets fine - 7 year old boys routinely bring teddies on sleepovers....

However the fact that you are not sure about how it might go suggests that you don't really know the Mum and family, so probably a bit soon. I would have sent DS for a sleepover with my 'Mummy friends' when he was 4 but they had known him since he was a toddler and would cuddle and deal with dummies etc v well.

If the Mum's keen on it, then have thier dd first? that might give your dd condidence?

Oh, and sleepovers don't have to be reciprocal: DS went to a friend's house on and off for a couple of years before the friend felt able to be away from his Mum! But he enjoyed having friends to stay.

Well I don't see what the problem is if the family are nice and your DD is likely to feel comfortable with the Mum..

My 4 year old DD did so a few weeks ago.. The family are old friends of ours and their daughters and ours are great friends. She's also stayed over at her cousin's house.

I myself wasn't allowed until I was about 7 and I think it was a bit late because it had become an issue..

Who knows when it might be unavoidable too (illness or whatever) and I really do think it's good for them..

Thanks blu - im sure the mum would be nice with DD and cuddle if needed etc but im also quite sure DD would either want to come home just before sleep time or at some point in the night! I told the mum were happy to have her DD and see how it goes with mine, she may not want to do it yet but want to have her friend here.

Thanks mamsnet - i see what you mean about leaving it too late and then they may think too deeply about it and make issues..will ask my DD later and post back!

Thanks for posting

My 4 1/2 year old has stayed with grandparents obviously but a few weeks ago ganged up with a neighbours kid and they decided she would stay at his. They then informed the parents. The kids are always in and out of each others houses so we kind of figured why not.
It was an unexpected night at the local pub for us - didn't want to go too far in case it didn't work.
I felt a bit bad as I know the other kid won't stay with any-one else but mum or grandparents, so can't reciprocate just yet.
So much depends on the independance of the child, how comfortable they are in the other persons house, so not sure there is an appropriate age.
For instance I wouldn't let her stay with her cousins or other friends.

Thanks mrsseed.

I asked DD and just as i thought, she told me she will think about it when i said she should give her dummy to me for the night!! She would like to have a sleep over with this friend but i think she is a bit young at the moment and not quite ready..she has only slept at my mums once and i had to go pick her up at 1am because she was crying for me. And she loves my mum to bits, apart from home there is nowhere else she'd rather be! But didn't make it through the night there.

Hmm i don't know what to say to the mum really, maybe she has already told her DD that i said she could stay over

4 is a bit young unless you know her, and her parents very well. For example, DD has 'sleepovers' with two sets of friends, but they are more like family, and it is in fact them babysitting so we can have a break, bless them!

I think it depends who it is with. My dc's have stayed over with grandparents from 6 months, also close friends of ours with dc's the same age (so very familiar) from 2/3 ish.
I would be reluctant to let her go with a friend from school whose parents I wasn't close to, and she was not very familiar with.
however, she would probably be fine. What does your dd think? Is she very keen to go?
I agree with pp who said have the friend to stay with you first.

You are right. We dont know them that well. DD goes there to play every other week for 2 hours thats it. Im not sure im comfortable with her sleeping there just yet.
DD is keen to go but she doesn't understand how long she will be there without me for. I know she will get upset and i will have to go pick her up after a few hours. Will have the friend over first and see how it goes.

Thanks for the replies!