Can anyone help me support my 13 year old DD?

[JannerBird]

I wonder if anyone can give me some advice? I am concerned about my 13 year old dd. She hasn't really made any close friends since she started secondary school (she has now been there for 2 years)and is often been in tears at home. This is usually because she has been 'left out' or 'blanked' by the rest of the girls in her class. She has had 3 or 4 girls home for sleepovers and they have all seemed nice but she is never invited anywhere back.

She has not been without her problems in the past and had glue ear as a younger child which has contributed, I think, to her being a little bit socially isolated. She gets upset easily and this has led to her being bullied in the past.

I am worried that this is starting to make her a little depressed. Also, her periods have stopped and I wonder if this could be linked to stress?

I would really appreciate any advice.

How is your relationship with her? do you feel this is a conversation you would be able to have with your daughter directly? I know at 13 your world and feelings are huge. If it was me I would find a way of confirming how this is affecting her and start here, does she partake in any clubs or have interests that could be encouraged to allow her to meet people she can identify with? This may build her confidence. A mum who is willing to listen to the good , bad and ugly of a teenagers thoughts is priceless, I know because I was lucky enough to have that mum. I hope this helps.

I was like that at her age and i moved class to be in the same one as the only girl who was my friend. From there i meet her other friends and school got a bit easier for me. If there is a friend in the school could she move in to her class? Or if she has friends outside her school could she move to their school? Or could you help her learn how to make friends in the school she is in?

I would also talk to her about how she feels and what she would like to do.

sorry dont know about periods stopping but she sounds as if she suffers from low self esteem/confidence.girls at this age are awfully hormonal ,my dds 13 too.if she is being bullied contact the school it must be stopped before it does any damage,ignoring someone is also classed as bullying!!
would she go to karate ,gymnastics or something like that?

Thanks for your replies.

I think that our relationship is good, we can talk about most things. I am a Youth Worker so I have conversations with young people for a living! It's different with your own though as I can't help but feel emotional when she tells me what has been going on and I can see her unhappiness.

She belongs to a swimming club and has made some good friends there, but school is such a big part of their lives. She is also a green belt in karate which has increased her confidence somewhat.

I have spoken to her tonight and she has said that she wants to talk to a learning mentor at school. I think this is a good idea as he will probably have some good coping strategies for her. It's so near the end of term though.

Hi,

I think your daughter might have lost her period because of stress, it is directly connected - and it happened to me at similar age... is she quite thin? Losing weight would be another reason, or not gaining enough - if she swimms intensively.

My daughter is in a similar situation at school, she is trying too hard to have friends but doesn't really have anyone "on the same wawelenght" It is very sad to see and I don't know of any help apart from believing in her myself and trusting, that this is a lesson she needs and life will become easier as time goes on as it did for me

all the best...