9 yr old boys - sexist, rude, preteens! HELP!

[Solo2]

Anyone got a 9 yr old boy? Please tell me if they're anything like mine! I've got 9 yr old twin boys and almost overnight, one of them has become like a typical teenager and both have become incredibly sexist and rude.

Choice comments include: "Hoy! Woman!" when I'm telling them off and various very sexist comments referring to "big boobies", "Namby-pamby women" and other terms I barely dare mention.

They're being brought up by me alone and I'm a feminist, independent, strong single mother by choice who embodies equality between the sexes and a lack of 'prissiness' or weakness. So their attitude is rather galling!

Is this simply the influence of "The Simpsons" which they watch avidly or a wider reflection of influences in society (perhaps this message should have been on the Feminism list?).

More's the point, what do I do? I seem to be having endless confrontations with them where I lose my rag and shout and it's very unconstructive. I've tried being more stern. I've tried being more humourous and lighthearted to diffuse the atmosphere. I've tried to engage them on their own level, following their interests and conversation, in case it's a lack of quality time with me.

But at the start of only week two of their 9 weeks summer hols., I'm witnessing their transformation from sweet little cuddly sons to regular Kevin-the-teenagers!

Can they really be becoming pubescent at 9 yrs old and only recently so? Is this typical of the 9 yr old boy and....how many more years have we got to go before they transform back into the sweet sons I once knew?!!!

Co-ed school or boys only as a matter of interest? As a mother of 3 boys I would suggest that discussions about respect for others (those who are not good at sport, those who are very clever, those who are old etc) can lead seamlessly into discussion about respect for those who are female.

But it is NOT easy.

I try to ban the simpsons but everytime my back is turned DH puts it on for my two dd. He is "jokingly" sexist alot which drives me insane as he has daughters! dd1 told me to turn off the car radio as I was listening to a "Bint Station". I want to cry. Basically its not just boys, she's 8.

Do they have any adult males they look up to, or who are role models? How do those men behave?

Nothing constructive to say except that you have my full admiration - I am bringing up a 9 year old DS with my DH and have been in tears of frustration tonight because of his behaviour. How do you cope with two on your own?

I think you have to make sure that their bad talk has consequences for them, otherwise you are on a slippery slope, tbh. My DSs are 11 and 9. They are not like this and I wouldn't let them get away with it if they were (which IMO is why they aren't, IYWSIM)

I don't have a 9 yr old (yet) but my brother and I were brought up in a single parent family by our feminist lesbian mum, and although for the most part my brother was an exceptionally kind and un-macho man, he did go through periods of displaying exaggerated 'blokey' behaviour - sexist jokes and whatnot. I think it was a way for him to balance his experience of living in such a fem-centred environment.

Still needs cracking down on, obviously, but I thought that might be of interest.

Yes I see your point. I'm the only female in this house though (DH and 2DSs), even the hamster is a boy!

Thanks for these responses. Batteryhuman, my twins go to a newly co-ed school - that used to be all boys. The school is bending over backwards to make the girls feel welcome but as a result, seem to be favouring the minority girls in lots of ways and thus alientating integration. So it's more like there are two school running parallel to each other - the main boys one and the little group of girls in each class. This might be exacerbating my sons' sexist attitudes.

Earlybird, my sons really only have male teachers as role models and also see the dads of friends - though rarely, as it's usually the mums we're with. They've never had a constant and varied exposure to different kinds of males (we barely see my brother and my father's dead). So perhaps they're trying out a more polarised view of what it is to be male, in order to differentiate themselves from me and begin the process of separation.

Ragwort, I've always been on my own with them but yes, it IS difficult, especially when they gang up against me.

Re. consequences, I've recently tried money rewards or 'payments' based on behaviour and misbehaviour. This had a small effect but not sure it'll continue to have any - although it's early days still.

I've also tried talking to them, outside of the situations and explaining how I feel hurt when they say derogatory things.

Finally, on a bad day, I end up completely losing my temper with them...not good...

But I think one problem is that sometimes I laugh, as they can be incredibly comical together as a 'double act', to the point of DS2 becoming hysetrical with laughter (which I also used to do at his age) and this just creases me up too and then it's hard to maintain discipline. It's hard to stay consistent generally, with parenting as so much can be mood dependent and without another adult to back me up, I find it difficult not to respond in different ways depending on how I'm feeling.

Could it be hormones surging through them already, at age 9? One of them is certainly behaving a lot like a typical teenager but without the bodily changes yet and is rocketing up in height, despite being such a string bean in width!

ds1 is 9, and this sounds familiar.

he's fine at home with me (though has started some very teenage type sulking and door slamming lately) but recently took him out for his birthday with 4 of his friends, and was totally shocked at how different he was with them, the language he used, the way he behaved...

i do wonder if there is some sort of testosterone surge at around this age that could account for it? a literally physical/biological need to assert their masculinity?