I need some reassurance that I'm not rubbish at being a parent

[iwouldgoouttonight]

Lately I'm worrying more and more about things and it all came to a head this morning - I took DS for a visit to the school he'll be starting in September - they had two hours to spend in their new classes and parents were expected to leave them and collect them at the end. DS has always been quiet and nervous of new situations but this morning he was so upset, he was sobbing and sobbing and got so upset every time I tried to leave, and in the end the teacher said its fine for me to stay with him. But even though I was there he was still crying and saying he was scared he'd get lost and he didn't want to talk to anyone.

There are a couple of children in his class who he knows from nursery but he wouldn't even talk to them. He refused a drink of milk and refused to go to the toilet (this is common when he's nervous) and ended up wetting himself.

I feel emotionally drained - it brought back how much I disliked school because I was really shy and anxious, and I was adamant that I was going to try to give him confidence, always praising him, etc, and he wouldn't be like me, but it seems he is going to struggle to settle in too.

I'm also worried about his toilet training- he's nearly four and still has at least one or two accident a day. And still uses the potty and won't sit on a toilet (although will wee standing up)

I'm also worried about his teeth - he still won't spit out the toothpaste so I'm worried that the amount he must have swallowed will mean his adult teeth will be discoloured because of the amount of flouride he's consumed.

I'm sure there are several thousand other things I'm worried about - they just take it in turns to play in my head.

Sorry about the long post - I think I just want reassurance that I'm not making a mess of everything.

This is all perfectly normal for a child starting school. Really. Bet he stops crying when you leave. It's only the first day; give him some time. My DD was like this; she soon grew out of it and ended up really liking school. She was super shy too, now she's a super confident 10-year-old. ( This may have something to do with the fact that she has changed schools six times!)

You are being a perfectly good parent, but you just need to stop worrying and projecting your own fears onto your son.

Ah, sounds like you have worry-itis. Standard issue with becoming a parent, and prone to worst flare-ups at moments like, er... starting primary school.

It takes a lot worse than daily toothpaste swallowing to cause the discoloration, btw.

You are worrying about stuff that doesn't matter. Your DS can wee standing up, which is brilliant, and maybe once he's started at school and seen the tiny loos there, he might get used to using the loo instead of a potty. And the accidents of course are tiresome, but he'll get there in the end. Do you know why he has accidents? Does he get busy doing something and then forget he needs to go?

As for his teeth, take him to the dentist to put your mind at rest, but you can buy organic mandarin toothpaste by Organic Children in John Lewis, which doesn't have to be spat out.

Don't beat yourself up. You have a sensitive little boy, who just needs time to get used to new situations. And he's not even four yet, starting school in less than two months so he'll be one of the youngest in his class with less experience of life than his older peers. Perhaps you can speak to the teachers about making allowances for that.

And you sound as if you are trying really hard with your DS to give him confidence and praise, and that's wonderful. He's lucky to have a mother who understands him so well.

My 4.3 year old still has one or two accidents a day, the difference is, he's my second, so although Ds1 didn't have a toilet accident at school, lots of other children did. It's really quite normal in reception and the teacher will be used to it.

Children DO( swallow toothpaste. Buy him a kid's brand, they have less flouride in.

You are worrying about silly things that don't matter. Try not to do this, you'll do yourself an injury

Yes I do think I have worry-itis! I normally have a few minor worries floating around but they seem to all have come at once, especially with the starting school thing.

I hadn't been worried about DS at school at all until today - he was looking forward to it, he goes to nursery and playschool and has settled in well there, so I just thought it would be the same as that. But at school they have to do so much more for themselves. Dressing and undressing for PE (which DS can do, but needs help with T-shirts), going to the toilet on his own, wiping his own bottom, etc - all things which is is capable of doing but just doesn't feel confident in doing.

I need to stop worryign because he will pick up on it and be a worrier like me!

sometimes it helps to think "what's the worst that would happen". If your son has an accident or needs help with his t-shirt, the teacher will help him. It won't be a big issue. Maybe talk to the teacher about your worries - I'm sure she/he will reassure you. Reception class is all about getting settled into school and learning the routine.