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Facebook: yay or nay?

11 replies

OrmRenewed · 12/07/2010 11:41

None of my DC have used FB or any other similar sites up till now. From what I've read on here it seems to be the cause of huge angst and fallings-out. But DS (13) wants to use it to contact his skating mates and set up meetings and stuff. They all use FB currently.

Is it a good idea? Can I set limits on what he can do/access? Am I worrying about nothing?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
OrmRenewed · 12/07/2010 12:07

Anyone?

I am a fb virgin.

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ragged · 12/07/2010 13:13

I think it's fine for his age; it's when people talk about 8yos being on it that eyebrows deserve to be raised.

NorthernSky · 12/07/2010 13:18

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exexpat · 12/07/2010 13:23

DS11 has been on it for a year - yes, I know he's too young, but with all his friends from yr6 dispersing to different schools, and all his friends from his previous international school scattered all over the world, it seemed like a good way for him to stay in touch with everyone.

But - I only allowed him on condition that I knew his password, so I could check up on him every now and again. I don't have him as my friend on facebook as I don't want him posting silly stuff on my wall and so on, but I do check up on him, and so far it is all fairly harmless, if a bit silly at times. There haven't been any major issues, just one very over-sensitive sort-of-friend (he's like that in real life as well as on line) who didn't like one one-word reply to a quiz that DS gave - so we deleted it. From what I've heard, girls are much more likely to get into trouble with bitchy posts on each other's pages.

Your DS is officially old enough, and I'm sure nearly everyone his age is on it. If he would agree, I would try to get him to let you know his password, or let you check his privacy settings and flick through what he is posting - but at 13, he may not want to...

AllarmBells · 12/07/2010 13:24

I am sure there are some links etc (she said helpfully) to dos and don'ts. I'm still trying to find you one that is any good!

Tell him that anything he writes or posts can be seen by everyone he knows. Don't let him fall into the trap of saying something nasty about someone, as it's so easy for someone else to then forward it on and cause problems.

Go on it yourself and become his friend. This will remind him he shouldn't put anything on there he doesn't want you to see. Lose your virginity I really believe it's important for you to be on it too. It can't be this strange world where you assume everything that goes on there is OK (not that it sounds like you are assuming that).

Tell him its only for contact with people he already knows in RL. Anyone who tries to contact him who he doesnt' know, tell him to "Ignore" them (this removes the friend request), even if they are friends with his other friends. I guess this will become a battleground in the future but at his age he shouldn't be friending mystery people.

Set the security so he can only be seen by friends. Often the default is "friends of friends", I would take that off.

Make sure he doesnt' give a phone number or address. Facebook has lots of spaces to put information but fields can be left blank.
Your goal is to help him communicate with his friends but to also ensure he doesn't come to the notice of someone dodgy, who then has a chance to build a relationship with him. So you need to a) hide his details from general searchers and b) make sure he doesnt' respond to invitations if people find him.

Will keep looking for a sensible dos and don'ts list. HTH.

exexpat · 12/07/2010 13:24

X-post with Northernlurker - see we had the same idea about passwords.

AllarmBells · 12/07/2010 13:30

x-post with NorthernLurker and exexpat - except I had the "friend them" strategy. I agree, get his password, so you can see everything that's in there including private messages, should you need to.

NorthernSky · 12/07/2010 13:39

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OrmRenewed · 12/07/2010 13:54

OK. Thanks.

It sounds as if I will have to join too.

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exexpat · 12/07/2010 14:38

Orm - I didn't see the point of facebook, but before I let DS join I signed up to see what all the fuss was about, and have actually found it a good way to keep up with all my friends and extended family scattered round the world, share photos of the DCs and so on. I haven't bothered trying to add all the people I see regularly though - they know what I'm up to anyway. But I still don't really see the point of all the facebook games, and no-one has been able to convince me that Twitter is a good idea. I waste quite enough time on MN the computer as it is.

By the way, you don't have to join if you don't want to and your DS lets you check his page/messages/privacy settings - you can only do the last two with his password rather than as a 'friend' anyway. But it may help to keep tabs on him if you're familiar with the way facebook works.

OrmRenewed · 12/07/2010 15:20

Yes I see what you mean. I will talk to him about it this evening. Thanks again.

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