School and Harry Potter - am I over-reacting?

[marthamoo]

OK..here's the situation.

I have not let ds1 (6) see either of the Harry Potter films. They are not, imho, suitable for 6 year olds, particularly MY six year old who is blessed with a very vivid imagination and is prone to nightmares. We have both the films on video, ds1 knows this, and he has asked several times to watch them and I have explained my reasons for not letting him watch them, said that he can watch them when he's older, and (after the inevitable "But everyone else in my class has seen them..." ) he accepted this.

He came home from school yesterday and said.."hey, Mum, guess what? We watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone at school today!"
It seems that Year Two were watching it in the hall, and the three Year One teachers had "planning" to do, so left Year One in the hall to watch too.

A friend, who shares my views on this, rang school immediately and spoke to her son's class teacher who said, unbelievably, that she "didn't know" what her class were watching..she had been very busy, and had just left them. When my friend pointed out that this was unacceptable, the teacher said "mmm... point taken."

The friend's husband works with two school governors, and he has spoken to them (they were appalled), and they have advised him to write a letter to the Head, and that they will raise it at the next Governors meeting.

Although I do feel very strongly about it all, I was simply planning on going in and having a word with my son's teacher on Monday..I like and respect her very much and have a good relationship with her (I help out in school)...I feel bad that it has already been brought to the attention of the Governors, when I haven't even spoken to her. I am also a complete wimp and hate confrontation!

My friend, however, has had a rocky year with her son's teacher and has no qualms about dropping her in it (with justification, I have to say!)

Am I over-reacting? I know my son is right, most of his peers HAVE watched the films...but I made the decision not to let him, and I feel I have been undermined. The film is PG, and I suppose it is a grey area, as school is in loco parentis, but I feel if there is any doubt as to the suitability of a film they should play safe and stick to a U certification.

Incidentally, he didn't see it from the beginning, and they didn't watch to the end (the scariest bit, when Voldemort is on the back of Quirell's head)...so it wasn't even a treat along the lines of.."we're going to put on a film for you to enjoy" it was purely a holding exercise while the teachers got on with something else.

Any thoughts?

Tricky one, Marthamoo. Has your son had any nightmares since watching the film? I must admit I have let my dd watch the film and she is under 3 yo - she has seen it numerous times now so I personally would not have had a problem. However, if videos are to be shown at school that are not strictly educational I think the schools should advise the parents in advance. I would speak to the head to voice your concerns.

Again a difficult one, I once babysay for a 5 year old child who mum (ahhh) had let him watch a film (aracnaphobia) I think, and he had a terrible nightmare about it and was very distressed.

What is the age certificate for the film. Think they should have asked parents beforehand though.

I have looked it up and its a PG, which means surely you should have had a say in wether he should have watched it.

I would have a quiet word with the teacher, if she is as nice as she says, I am sure she wouldn't let them to anything similar again.

Good luck

i don't think you are over reacting marthamoo. My nephew (who was just 6 at the time) went to see HP at the cinema when it first came out and I was horrified. I absolutely love Harry Potter and can't wait for DS to be old enough to read them and watch the films but I do think 6 is too young ... the film is too violent ... sorry, but it is IMHO! It is amazing though how some children can be affected by stuff like that and some don't care. My DH got Disney's 'Dinosaur' film out for DS (3yrs) the other week and DS loved it although I thought that he would be scared of the predator ... however, the next day he cried because he was frightened of a cartoon witch on Dora the Explorer!!!!

Besides that ... back to the issue ... PG means PARENTAL GUIDANCE doesn't it? Well, I think the school was wrong in even showing it to Year 2 let alone Year 1 ... I am an ex teacher and I can think of loads of parents who would have objected if I had shown my class HP.
I think schools should stick to 'U' cerification and you should tell them that.
AND ... what on earth was the teacher doing not finding out what they were watching????????

I'm with you marthamoo, PG or not I think it's always better to play safe with a U. I thought HP was quite scary myself. You're not overeacting.

I knew of a class of year 4s who were repeatedly shown the Michael Jackson "Thriller" video in order to learn the dance for a Halloween party. When the teacher was asked if she thought it was appropriate, she said it was fine because it was an "E" rating (exempt from classification) because it was a music video. If I could have dropped her in it I would have, but the head backed her too.

I would definitely question the teacher/head/whoever is appropriate.

marthamoo, no I don't think you are over-reacting. You made a decision based on your knowledge of your son, not to let him see something. You don't expect school to over-ride you!

I was similarly upset, when having deliberately not allowed my youngest (then 8 I think) to see Titanic, because I felt it would upset him, my FIL bought the video & let him watch it- without asking me if it was OK. (He said afterwards he didn't realise... it was a 12, for a reason). DS then had nightmares for weeks about the bodies in the water.

Hmm, personally I don't think Id have any qualms about letting a 6 year old watch HP but IMO that is not really the point. The point is that they went against your wishes, but did the school know that you are/were against it?

The fact that it is a PG would suggest to me that the school would need to ask for Parental permissions to be granted before letting the kids watch the film. My 9 year old StepDS came home with a letter the other day asking if we minded him watching HP and the Philosophers Stone, so I would assume that they would def need to seek permission when the child/children in question is/are 6 years old.

i think there are a number of issues here which you could raise with the teacher in a methodical way if you want to complain without seeming unreasonable _

1. The film is PG. That means that parents should decide whether it is appropriate for their child or not, based on their thoughts and their knowledge of the child's personality. Although many of them have seen it, there is probably a reason why some of them haven't - ie that the parents think it isn't right for them. The school should not show PG films to such young children without parental permission.
2. To add insult to injury, you don't even feel that the school was making a judgment call about the PG rating(albeit wrong in your view) - since the teacher had no idea what they were watching. You think this is absolutely unacceptable.
3. What were the Y1 pupils doing watching videos like this in school anyway? You feel it is enough of a battle limiting television and video watching and ensuring appropriateness of what they watch at home, you don't expect your children to be parked in front of a video because the teachers are too busy doing something else. This is also not acceptable.

You would like an apology for this, an assurance that children will not routinely be babysat by a video, and that if any video is shown to them it will be following proper consideration by the teacher, and if it is anything above a U certificate it will be following parental consent.

They shouldn't have any arguments against any of this, it simply isn't on. I'd be very cross. I won't let my daughter watch HP either (5 and a half) as she was completely traumatised by the childcatcher in chitty chitty bang bang, and even the wicked witch in snow white!

harry potters films are classified pg, but also carry a warning with them that some scenes are unsuitable for under 8's.

so really year 1's shouldnt have been allowed to see the film. all we used to watch was the wizard of oz in the infants.

Marthamoo, I completely agree with Princesspeahead and I'd have been cross too.

Message withdrawn

Yes I'm with sb34 on this ... you must let school know your feelings so that this won't happen again.

As an ex-teacher I know it does go on at the end of term. Teacher has loads to do - planning, paper work, displays to remove, etc etc etc they stick them in front of a video, one teacher sits with a class or 2 enabling other colleaugues to "get on".
However, since having children of my own I see this as unacceptable. My dd1 age 7 hates videos of any type so I don't need to ban HP. But I would be very upset if school made her watch it!
They ought to realise that with HP children whose parents don't mind have already seen it and those children who haven't seen it HAVEN'T seen it for a good reason!!

School will listen to your concerns ( you don't have to call them complaints if you want to avoid confrontation) and hopefully think carefully when choosing a video again.
re; someone going to Governors
You could say that you know others have voiced concerns and leave it al that.

Thanks everyone for your replies - I feel happier knowing that other people would react the same way (even those who wouldn't have a problem with HP, per se).

I'm going to go in on Monday morning and have a quiet word with ds1's teacher - not be stroppy (don't have it in me!) just say that I am not happy and my reasons why. I am going to make it quite clear that in future they should stick to a "U" certificate, unless they have permission in advance from parents to show a PG film.

It struck me after posting that my son has to have written permission to see theatre groups/musicians who have visited the school in the past..this shouldn't be any different.

Now I just have to weather ds1 using all his powers of persuasion to get me to allow him to see the rest of the film...

I do find it interesting though, peoples' views on what is/isn't suitable..my friend has also (like Queenie) let her under-3 year old see HP, and "The Witches" which I know would have freaked my ds out at that age. Another friend's daughter (5) saw HP and had nightmares for weeks, and yet another's son (6) said HP was "boring" (he watches Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel though so I guess HP is a bit tame after that).

I know my dh thinks I am over-protective..but since he let ds1 watch "Watership Down" and saw the result (nightmares for a week) he defers to my judgement

Btw, princesspeahead, I'm with your daughter - the Childcatcher in CCBB has to be one of the scariest characters ever (Hannibal Lecter eat your heart out. No pun intended!)

Marthamoo, I would not let ds (aged four and a half years old)watch HP - he would definately get nightmares! I agree with taking this up as you propose and wish you luck.

I don't think you are over-reacting: 2 things are worrying - first that the school didn't think it necessary to ask for parental permission for a PG film (... although does the "in loco parentis" cover this? - I wouldn't have thought so, espcially as....) secondly, the teacher didn't know that it was they were watching. It's the second that I find REALLY worrying.

Having said that, ds, who is nearly 3, LOVES both HP films, and spends his time re-enacting all sorts of scenes from both films (although since we got the second one, a Father's Day present to his dad, Philosopher's Stone has harly been watched). He loves all of it - makes us play "spiders" attacking his (flying) toy cars, using his Brio trains for the cars to fly away from... and so on. It's his Mum who is the scaredy cat! (I get scared watching Dr Who!)

But then, I know his character and that especially at the moment, it is more like a cartoon story for him.

You should see him in the garden in his Cosy Coupe car, attacking the graden chairs (aka spiders) and then being "expelled" from the car. I tell you, this child won't need to go to drama school to learn theatrical techniquies - he has already learnt how to fall without hurting himself, runs "away from the snake" at every possible occasion, with the most spectacular "trips"!

Just to update everyone who kindly took the time to reply.

I went in on Monday morning and raised my concerns with DS1's teacher. She was extremely apologetic - admitted the Year One teachers were at fault etc. She said it was one of those things that, had they thought it through properly at the time, they would have realised was not a good idea.

At hometime, she sought me out in the playground, apologised again, and told me she had informed the Head of what I had said.

The following morning, the Headmaster grabbed me when I dropped DS1 off, and apologised profusely - he said they were completely in the wrong to show a film of that type without seeking parental permission first, that he 100% understood and backed my decision not to let DS1 see the film - and that a policy document will now be drawn up so that the teachers are clear as to what can/cannot be shown to the children.

So...a result I reckon! And still on friendy terms with DS1's teacher - I could tell she was genuinely distressed and sorry that the situation had occurred.

JanZ...DS1 has spent much of the time since seeing the film wearing his wizard's cloak (bought for a Hallowe'en party last year), waving a chopstick around and shouting "Expelliarmus!" at his baby brother. I'm thinking about reading him the first book...though still adamant he will not see the rest of the film 'til I think he's ready to enjoy (as opposed to endure!) it.

Thanks again for all replies..I felt strengthened knowing so many Mumsnetters agreed with me!

LOL Marthamoo. We too have to endure a chopstick "wand" being waved at us all the time.

Glad the school has taken your concerns seriously.

excellent news Marthamoo. I think your school has reacted admirably! Hopefully they will put this new procedure in place and this sort of thing won't happen again. Congrats for getting through it while remaining on good terms with everyone.

Yes a perfect result. I doubt many schools have a policy on this as it is something that all schools do but few like to admit to.

I think you have handled this really well and got the best response possible as a result. At least it sounds as if your ds hasn't been worried too much by it.

We would have reacted similarly but for slightly different reasons. We felt it was important that ds (5), unlike many of his class mates, knew the book before seeing the film. He too may be scared (he switched off Monster inc having eagerly anticipated seeing it) and we would rather that we accompanied his viewing to be able to monitor this rather than he be swept along with the crowd. Dh is currently reading ds the first book as his bedtime story and he is quite enthusiastic about it, but knows he doesn't want to see the film until he has finished the book. He would have to see it on video anyway as minimum age for cinemas here is often 6 or 8.

BTW his school regularly uses videos to cover wet recesses .

Pleased you got such a responsible and satisfactory outcome from this.

Well done, I am glad it worked out well for you.