Swimming Phobia

[IDismyname]

I have a 3 year old who has done a years worth of "baby" swimming lessons at the local pool. He loved it, especially the last term, when he became a real water baby.
We started a new term 3 weeks ago, where he and the other children go into the pool without the mummies for their lesson. The first week he loved, but then the second week he took one look at the teacher, threw a complete wobbly, and refused to go anywhere near the water. For the last week, he has told me several times that he doesn't want to go... so today we went along and just sat on a seat watching the lesson - him in his trunks in case he wanted to go in... which he didn't!
His best friend swims in the same class, and several other children he knows, but he has got something in his head about it, and just won't go near the water.
If this was his first batch of swimming lessons, then I'd probably understand more, but I KNOW he loves it, I've paid for a whole term of lessons (but am staying cool about that!) and I've no idea as to where to go from here. Today I tried to talk to the teacher and explain, but had no sympathy.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I get over this stumbling block? The chance of changing lessons is remote, I've been told...
Many Thanks

Perhaps with the instructor being unsympathetic then that is the problem, perhaps she/he does not come across very friendly and your son picks up on this. Did you watch his lesson? Did anything happen that could have put him off, going under maybe? Have you tried to take him on your own to see what his response is in a non lesson situation? Water can be a scary thing and it can only take a small thing to put it all back again. I got dunked in Australia and I was a bit nervous when I tried surfing with my husband in Cornwall this year, over 2 years later and Im 33.

Hi FMS, I couldnt quite tell from the message if it is the teacher that he is opposed to or the water.

In our case, our son had lessons from baby upwards and then started to get the fear of the water and getting his face wet and his head wet etc. It really took the enjoyment out of it for him. It was for no reason.

Last summer during the holidays (aged 4) I got him one on one lessons with a very friendly teacher, who took up the challenge and it has been brilliant! I only meant it to be for the summer, but he has such a great time and laughs so much, I've kept it on.

He now jumps in (which I never imagined he would do) gets in the shower after his swim and loves it.

It just took some time and the taking him away from group lessons.

Have you tried taking him when it isnt a lesson day and see whether or not he goes in and enjoys it?

We're 2 days into a week's crash course for 3 year olds and the best approach with this lot appears to be for the instructor to lob loads of toys/floats into the water and ask them to collect them for her. They haven't exactly all leapt in at once but it's got them all in the end. I guess she has to be willing though. Or is there an option for you to get in with them & stand alongside? (Which I'm still doing!)

Fms - I think 3 is very young to be expected to be in the pool on their own, even if he is quite confident in water. Some children might be happy with this, many would not. I would be tempted to shelve the 'real' swimming lessons for six months, or longer, and just take him swimming yourself, and then try again when he's older, when he says he wants to. The one-on-one lessons sound like a good way in too. Relax and take it easy, ease off the pressure. It doesn't matter if he doesn't learn to swim for another year or so.

My son is just 4, and I had booked him some 'crash' swimming lessons this summer. A week in with me, and a week on his own. He was happy in with me, but told me he didn't want to do the week on his own. So I have accepted this, as his decision. I know we all think we are not pushy parents, but at the pool for the lessons I was very struck how pushy EVERYONE was, and how stressed the parents were, which inevitably passes on to the children.

Thank you, all, for your help and advice. The lessons we had earlier were with me in the water; I'm reluctant to get in the water with him for the "motherless sessions", because all the other children would want their mothers in too. I can't say that I blame him for not liking the teacher, especially as she blanked me when I explained the situation. (Ever get the feeling that some people think you're from the planet Zog?!)
I think that I'll take him swimming on our own for a few weeks, and try and at least see if I can change his lessons and teacher.
I'm not hell bent on getting him to swim; I just would like him to feel more confident and safer around the water, and I just feel sad that in the space of about 3 seconds (which is all it took), his perception of swimming changed from a really enjoyable experience to something he just won't consider.
Anyway, your advice is most welcome, and please add more if you have any!

My advice is to go on holiday somewhere really nice and warm that has a swimming pool and lots of other kids. Instead of forcing the child to "learn" to swim he will want to be in the water all day long -- voluntarily. Surely, the most important thing must be that children are not scared of water, not that they can swim when they are only 3-4 years old?

2107, I think it is important that children should learn to swim as soon as possible purely for the safety side of things, but you are right it should be done with fun but with respect of water (more if you go to the beach alot like us)

My son had swimming lessons at six months which he enjoyed. He is now 16 months old and has just started a new course. He appeared to enjoy lesson one but this week he cried and clung on to me for the full half hour the lesson lasted. There were only three in the group and the teacher is very understanding. The lessons do involve lots of dunking under water (which we didn't try this week as he was so unhappy) which I think may have spooked him. I'm unsure - do I continue to take him in the hope that he will come round or do I risk totally scaring the swimming trunks off him?! What should this confused mummy do?

One of the mums in dd's class had a similar problem and has stuck it out (despite feeling awful !) and after about 5 weeks her son is one of the most enthusiastic members of the group. Apparently he loved being in the bath but freaked at the pool although as a baby had been fine.

Good luck !

I'd say Kmg is right, leave the lessons for the moment and try to make going to the pool a fun thing again. In my experience if you push things at this age it can turn them into big issues, whereas if you gently suggest from time to time with no pressure then when the child is ready he/she will do it with ease. We had a problem with our son about going down the slides at the pool - dh was very keen for his boy to have a go, ds wasn't so sure he wanted to, and started getting scared about it. In the end we backed off, then a few weeks ago ds announced that what he really wanted to do was go down the slide and hasn't looked back since. I'm sure that if dh had gone on about it, ds would still be scared. Three is still quite young - let him enjoy the pool for a while until he's ready to try lessons again.

I have taken my dd to baby underwater swimming since she was 4 months old, she is now 2yrs 4 months and it has been very difficult as since she was about 2 she hates going under water. She is fine as long as she is playing and quite happily goes under water and jumps off floats and the side of the pool but when it comes to the actual swims underwater she just refuses and clings onto me. I haven't quite made up my mind but think that I will not sign up for another term but instead take her myself to a local pool and try and do the swims myself. When I have taken her to the local pool she has loved going down the water slide and shows no fear. I do not want her to get into the position where she does not enjoy swimming by pushing her too much. I was actually going to post a message today asking for advice but was pipped to the post.

Thanks for your advice. I took my son back to swimming today. He cried for the first five minutes and then settled down and couldn't wait to get stuck in. He really enjoyed himself. I was dreading our trip this morning but I had no need to worry.

I'm coming to this rather late but I wonder if your children are wearing goggles? When my daughter was first asked to put her head under water the chlorine stung her eyes badly. Once we got her goggles she didn't look back . We gave up lessons at the local pool when she got an unsympathetic teacher because we didn't see any point in forcing her. She's having swimming at school now and is in the top group.