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Original poster

HELP - My MIL is driving me crazy!

13 replies

Northerner · 17/07/2003 14:30

Your advice would be appreciated please. My ds is 16 months, and my MIL is constantly having a go at me and telling me that I should be potty training him. She keeps saying that both her sons were dry at this age and he's too old to be in nappies. I totally disagree, and have told her that all the books say that 16 months is too young, but then she criticises me for going by the book. MIL was round at my house yesterday and ds was in the paddling pool with no clothes on, and just because he had a wee in the pool and pointed at it she thinks that he is definatley ready for potty training 'because he knows when he is having a wee' as she put's it. OF COURSE HE BLOODY KNOWS WHEN HE'S HAVING A WEE I felt like shouting, but he doesn't yet know when he wants a wee and wouldn't be able to tell me. This is just the final straw in a catalogue of situtions where my MIL thinks she knows best. What can I do?

OP posts:
hmb · 17/07/2003 14:36

Northerner, Ignore her! Smile when she suggests it the next time, nod, change the subject and ignore her! There is no point in trying to change her mind, as I doubt that you will be sucessful. If it helps, my ds was just over 3 when we potty trained him. It took 6 days and his bowel and bladder control are both excellent. Minimum stress for both of us!

Jimjams · 17/07/2003 14:36

Ignore her. or offer her your son for a week to potty train him. Let her wipe poo off her carpet.

This is a generational thing. My mother insisted that ds1 was ready to be trained at about 12 months - he's now 4 and not trained. She's now started on ds2 (18 months). She thinks that if he is trained then ds1 will copy. Hmmmm think if it was that easy then ds1 would be dry by now. BTW I was of course trained at 12 months (bollards). I also slept through the night from 2 weeks.

No I can take this from my mother becuase I get on well with her and turn it into a joke. If it was my MIL I would be ready to kill her. She just spends her time telling me I'm imagining that there's something wrong with ds1 (he's autistic). Oh and that dh is the breadwinner so he needs his sleep. Do what I do- leave the room. Or failing that explode (about once every 3 years for me).

Jimjams · 17/07/2003 14:37

Ignore her. or offer her your son for a week to potty train him. Let her wipe poo off her carpet.

This is a generational thing. My mother insisted that ds1 was ready to be trained at about 12 months - he's now 4 and not trained. She's now started on ds2 (18 months). She thinks that if he is trained then ds1 will copy. Hmmmm think if it was that easy then ds1 would be dry by now. BTW I was of course trained at 12 months (bollards). I also slept through the night from 2 weeks.

No I can take this from my mother becuase I get on well with her and turn it into a joke. If it was my MIL I would be ready to kill her. She just spends her time telling me I'm imagining that there's something wrong with ds1 (he's autistic). Oh and that dh is the breadwinner so he needs his sleep. Do what I do- leave the room. Or failing that explode (about once every 3 years for me).

oliveoil · 17/07/2003 14:37

Oh dear, there are loads of MIL threads on here, think I must be lucky as mine is ok MOST of the time...

Not at the potty stage myself (dd 9mth) but most of my friends kids were 2.5 / 3 I think before they were potty trained, not sure of the 'norm'.

Is she ok most of the time? Easier said than done but maybe try and smile/grimmace sweetly and ignore her?

PS How is your work situ? You were fed up if I recall

wickedstepmother · 17/07/2003 14:37

With all due respect Northener your MIL is talking rubbish. 16 months is nowhere near 'too old' to be in nappies. I think if you did a quick straw poll on here you'd find that there were very few (if any) mums with 'dry' 16 month olds !

It seems to me that interferring MIL's are very common (i think frenchgirl had a bit of a prob with her recently). I have no real advice on dealing with her as DP lost his parents before I came on the scene so PIL have never been an issue. Does she live close by ? If not then it would perhaps be best to grit your teeth and ignore her (politely), if that';s not an option then perhaps DH could have a quiet word with her ?

Original poster
Northerner · 17/07/2003 15:27

OliveOil - Thanks for remembering about my work situation. It's really made my day that you have asked.

I'm actually enjoying work this week so it seems to come in fits and starts of enjoying being here and not, if you know what I mean! But I've figured that I'm very lucky to have such an understanding boss who is v family orientated and v flexible. So I'm still at work - for the time being anyway

WSM - yes she does live nearby - 10 minutes away to be precise. A bit too close for comfort IMO.

She is exactly the same with dh's brothers kids. My SIL has had blazing rows with her, I used to act as mediator but that was before my ds came along. Now I know why SIL got so pi**ed off!

OP posts:
oliveoil · 17/07/2003 15:42

I was in the same boat so it stuck in my mind

I am lucky too in that my workplace is v family friendly - if children are ill they phone up and say so instead of creating fictitious car problems or doctors/dentist appointments like my last place.

Maybe you could get dd to'accidently' push MIL in the pool next time she starts?

oliveoil · 17/07/2003 15:43

I meant that the parents phone up and not the children

codswallop · 17/07/2003 15:46

agree about generational things.
Tell her (with a smile on your face) that she has done a very good job with her son but now its your turn to get things wrong(irony).!!

Iwould be out for a few weeks too!

Boe · 17/07/2003 15:46

Northerner - my daughter did everything really early - walked at just over 9 months talks to me like she is my mother (she has just turned 3) but one thing she did not do early was get toilet trained - not for the want of trying - she was about 34 months and still has the odd accident now!!

Grand mother in law says all hers were dry at 12 months - she said this when I was pissed and I asked her if she stuck a cork up their ars*s??? Not a nice thing to say but shut her up quite quickly and told her that I would decide when I wanted my daughter to do things and that was when she was ready.

I think the best thing for this is just explaining that you do not think he is ready you are not going to try and as you are his mother you should decide when this will be and that you find her comments hurtful and demenaing - i am sure if you are reasonable and try to stay calm she will get the message - if not just bar her from your house or move and don't tell her where you are living!!

Original poster
Northerner · 17/07/2003 15:55

Thanks Guys. I feel like sitting her down in front of Mumsnet to show her that she is being ridiculous and 16 months is far too early.

It must be a MIL thing. My own mother makes silly suggestions sometimes and I can tell her to bugger off without fear of offending her IYKWIM.

OP posts:
sis · 17/07/2003 20:21

Codswallop!

Copper · 18/07/2003 09:36

Actually I wonder if it is a generational thing? My mother was always keen to get her grandchildren trained early - not one of her four children ever did. But we were all using disposables, and she had the huge incentive of no washing machine, no tumble drier, 64 steps down to the garden to hang out wet nappies. Maybe we would be willing to try when every success made a significant difference to our workload!

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