Do you sleep with your child/ren?

[breeze]

My DS is aged 3.8, and I have never slept in the same bed as him.

Occasionally when he is ill, we will go to the spare bed (he calls it the sick bed) and I will lay with him until he calms down, then he goes back in his own bed. I have attempted to sleep with him but he such a fidge pants and I end up putting him back.

Luckily when he wakes up in the night, he calls out and never gets up.

I mentioned this to a friend and she thinks that is weird that we have never slept in the same bed. Do you?.

All our children have slept with us (not all at once, luckily!) at times. DD2 slept with us the most as she was a terrible sleeper. It wasn't always comfy but some sleep was better than no sleep, in my book. She would love to sleep with us f/t now, even though she is 7, but I draw the line at that and so it's just if she is ill or has a bad dream or has sneaked in, nowadays! We don't bed-swap, I like my own bed.

Britain

July 18, 2003

Bed share warning after mother finds baby twins dead
By Shirley English

CHILDREN?S charities have repeated warnings to new parents to avoid sharing a bed with their newborn babies after a Scots mother awoke to find her six-week-old twin boys dead in her bed.
Lorraine Barr, 31, tried desperately to revive Aiden and Ciaran before paramedics arrived at her first-floor flat in Renfrew, near Glasgow, but by then it was already too late. The twins were rushed to hospital where they were pronounced dead.

A post-mortem examination later revealed that they had succumbed together overnight to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or cot death. Strathclyde Police said that there were no suspicious circumstances.

The double tragedy, which is extremely rare, unfolded on Tuesday morning when Miss Barr was woken at 9.30am by her 12-year-old daughter, Adele, who told her one of her little brothers had turned blue.

Miss Barr became hysterical when she realised the child was dead and when she tried to wake the other twin, she found he was dead too. It is not clear whether she had been sleeping in the bed beside them at the time.

Sandra Kinloch, 22, who lives downstairs, heard Miss Barr?s screams and raced upstairs. As she went into the flat she saw the sobbing mother cradling one of the twins in her arms and crying out: ?My baby boy, my baby boy.? Adele was standing silently beside her clinging to the other child.

Ms Kinloch said: ?It was a devastating sight. It seems Adele woke her mum up to tell her one of the babies was blue and Lorraine grabbed him and ran into the living room with him.

?When she realised he was dead she became totally hysterical. She screamed to Adele to bring the other baby in so he could say goodbye to his twin brother. That?s when she realised he was dead too.?

She added that Miss Barr, who also has a five-year-old son called Murray, was a devoted mother and was absolutely devastated by the tragedy.

Yesterday Miss Barr was being comforted by her parents. Her mother, Jeanette, said: ?This is terrible. Lorraine has taken this very badly and we are all deeply upset.?

Another family member said: ?The boys were just perfect, beautiful little angels. They were just starting to develop their own characters and Lorraine was so excited about being a mum again.?

Yesterday the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths said that bed sharing with an infant, or falling asleep with them on the sofa, dramatically increased the risk of cot death.

Joyce Epstein, foundation director, said: ?It is one of the most dangerous practices you can do as a parent. Studies and anecdotal evidence suggest that in the last few years the number of cot deaths linked to bed sharing has doubled . . . Overall the number of cot deaths has dropped.?

Around 400 British babies a year are the victims of cot death. Twins are known to be at greater risk than single babies, possibly because of their lower birth weight, but the numbers who die are still very low.

When a twin is a victim of cot death the other twin is usually taken into hospital as a precaution, but double deaths are extremely rare. In Scotland the Barr twins are only the third case in the past 20 years where both twins have died at the same time from cot death.

Thats a terrible story, but I wonder how many parents who co-sleep know about not having a duvet on the baby until 1 year or no pillows. Perhaps that is where the danger comes from?

Still It would be interesting to know why it is considered dangerous here when it is common practice in the rest of the world (I mean Asia and South America for example).

Sorry but this was in yesterday too.

Britain

July 17, 2003

Mother who fell asleep with baby loses second son
By Alexandra Frean, Social Affairs Correspondent

HEALTH experts issued a warning to parents yesterday after a mother lost two babies when she fell asleep with them.
Joanne Hosker, of Stapleford, Nottinghamshire, lost her one-month-old son Liam after falling asleep with him cradled across her shoulder. He had suffered brain-damage brought about by a lack of oxygen. His death came less than two years after her son Connor suffocated at the age of nine weeks after falling asleep between his parents in their bed.

Liam?s inquest was told that his mother had woken him early on December 6 to feed him. She took him downstairs and placed him over her shoulder. They fell asleep at about 6am. When Ms Hosker?s partner, Alec Sisson, returned home from work half an hour later he realised Liam had stopped breathing. Liam was taken to Queen?s Medical Centre in Nottingham, where he was found to have suffered severe brain damage as a result of lack of oxygen. He died there on December 11.

The Nottinghamshire Coroner, Nigel Chapman, said Liam had died from mechanical asphyxiation. He recorded a verdict of accidental death. He had recorded the same verdict for Connor 18 months earlier.

That's a scary article Coddy !

I know - I have done that myself...

Theres a few articles and statistics in these pages:

Baby Reference
ABC News

It seems that there are different defintitions of SIDS as well.

My husband sleeps through anything and often ends up rolling over onto my side of the bed - totally put me off ds sleeping with us. Even now (ds is 3) if he has a bad dream or is poorly and comes into our bed - very rare -, dh sleeps in the spare room.

Looking back I'm glad though as dh and I really value some time together and I need far too much sleep to do all that bed hopping stuff - yuk, my worst nightmare. Ds is a brilliant sleeper and often if he wakes and I go in, he says 'you can go now' once he's settled, and I go back to bed and he falls asleep.

That is so sad.

I've always slept with my children... Dd was still sometimes sleeping with me up until the age of 9 and now when she is ill we both yearn for her to be in a bigger bed so that I can get in with her and give her a hug until she has drpped off.

Must admith however, ds ~who has always been a difficult sleeper~ now drives us mad getting into our bed every night around one a.m.. It is proving quite tough to break the habit (which is why dh an dI have averaged 4 hours a sleep each night this week).

I have slept with my ds since he was born and he is now almost 10 months. He refuses to sleep alone at night though will nap in his cot in the day. The result is dh is in the room next door. DD (2.9 yo) slept with both dh and me till she was 6 months and then on and off until ds was born. She now gets up in the middle of the night from her own bed and gets in with dh and up again when he goes to work and in with me and ds. We keep saying we'll sort it out but haven't. I read the article about the scots mum's twins. How awful for her!!

I put Lottie in bed with me once when i knew DP would be out all night and would never do it agian. She didn't stop moving and it drove me mad, not at all the romantic vision I had, so I turned my back on her to try and actually get some sleep and when I turned back she had turned herself upside down and had her head right under the duvet and her feet up by my pillow. Freaked me out and I put her stright back into her own cot. If DP had been there would never have done it as we both agree bed is our space together and the only time she's not with us.

For those of you talking about Cot death... I thought you might find this page VERY interesting.... especially the skeptics/jourmalists/.... in you

When ours were younger we used to wake regularly to find between 1 & 4 in bed with us. We got so fed up with the stiff neck/aching back that comes from being perched on the very edge of the bed that we bought a 6ft x 6ft 3 bed. (I mentioned without thinking to the shop assistant that there were usually at least 4 of us in the bed- the children weren't with us.. oops )

Since we bought the bed, they no longer come in!

DS3 does often ask to sleep with me, when DH is at work. He is now 11, so doesn't do the acrobatics that little ones manage to keep up all night! It probably seems bizarre to everyone else, but as he's my baby it doesn't feel odd!

Only for a few days when ds was 1. We were camping and he kept waking up crying in the night. Never again!!! He never stops moving. He can't sit still when he's sitting on my knee. I like my space in bed too much.

Pupuce, perhaps I have the wrong chap but I thought that Dr Sprott and his theories had been discredited?

I'm having a dilemma about cot mattress for my baby which is due in 2 weeks. I still have my dd's but it is nearly 7 yrs old. I was told by my midwife it should be ok to use as legislation involving Dr Sprotts findings about antimony was passed in 1994, the matress was bought in '96. Have become really paranoid that it hasn't got the correct wrapping on it. (It has plastic backing with mesh top) Only heard about antimony last week and it has sent me into a flap!!

Wellikins for safetys sake I had a new mattress with each child. I personally felt a lot happier doing so and I felt that I couldnt use the mattress I had for no 2 for no 3 (5 year gap) as I was worried what type of damp, mildew etc. could have built up during the mattress in this time.

Thanks 3GirlsMum, Yep thats what i'm going to do, it'l be something less to fret over. To be on the sure side etc.. Just have to tell dp that there is yet something else to buy. Just when we think we are all sorted....

Interestingly I see the head of the SIDS foundation has today had a letter published in the Times, clarifying last week's press report on the dangers of co-sleeping. She says that the advice is that it is dangerous for a baby to sleep on a sofa or chair and that parent's shouldn't co-sleep if they have been drinking or are under the influence of drugs. So no change to existing advice then.

On the mattress issue, found this on the SIDS website:

Response from FSID to final report of the government appointed Expert Group to Investigate Cot Death Theories: Toxic Gas Hypothesis

FSID welcomes the report of the Expert Group chaired by Lady Limerick. After an exhaustive investigation of the toxic gas hypothesis lasting three and a half years, methodically examining every aspect of the claim both by reviewing existing research, as well as by commissioning new research, the Expert Group has concluded that there is no evidence to support the claim that fire retardants in PVC cot mattresses cause cot death.

Joyce Epstein, Secretary-General of the FSID, said:

"The toxic gas theory has now received the most thorough possible attention, and has been rejected as unfounded. It brings to a close a ghastly episode in public health scare-mongering prompted by The Cook Report in 1994, which broadcast its programme without responsibly substantiating the evidence.

"Thousands of parents were distressed and misled by the story, convinced that mattresses kill babies. Even now a survey shows that more parents think mattresses cause cot death than are aware, for example, that smoking in pregnancy is dangerous for babies.

"nine babies still die every week in this country from cot death. We know some of the risk factors, but we need serious research - not the TV kind - to find out the causes and prevention of cot death."

Overall conclusions of report

The overall conclusion was that there was no evidence to substantiate the toxic gas hypothesis that antimony- and phosphorus-containing compounds used as fire retardants in PVC and other cot mattress materials are a cause of SIDS. Neither was there any evidence to believe that these chemicals could pose any other health risk to infants.

dont buy a new one wellikins!

Thanks for pointing out that letter bells, here is it in case anyone want to read it:

From the Director of the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths

Sir, I wish to clarify the advice we gave on parents sleeping with their babies (reports, July 17 and 19).
It is important for parents to realise just how dangerous it is to fall asleep with their baby on a sofa or armchair (report, July 17). Our research shows that this increases the risk of sudden infant death fiftyfold.

On the issue of parents sharing a bed with their babies, we have found it increases the risk of sudden infant death under certain circumstances.

FSID advises parents that it is safest if your baby sleeps in a cot in your bedroom for the first six months. It is dangerous to share a bed with your baby if you or your partner are smokers, have been drinking alcohol, take drugs or medication that make you sleepy, are unwell, or feel very tired.

Yours faithfully,
JOYCE EPSTEIN,
Director,
Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths,
Artillery House,
11-19 Artillery Row, SW1P 1RT.
July 19.

I'd be way too scared to sleep with my baby in my bed. I'd just keep thinking about what would happen if I didn roll over. Even on night feeds I sit on the edge of the bed so if I accidentally fell asleep, I'd soon wake up again! I often doze on the sofa with my baby on my chest, but only when DH is wide awake and sitting right next to me and also I seem to wake up every time she makes a move anyway.

We have the same problem as many people that dd won't often settle in her crib but we just let her sleep in her bouncing cradle instead, because it lies back fairly flat and she'll drift off happily in there.

Yes, its always that bit about 'if you are very tired' that makes me laugh....I mean, what mother of an infant is NOT completely exhausted??

When I was in hospital with both ds1 and ds2 and they wouldn't settle in the plastic goldfish-bowl at night, the nurse tucked them up in bed with me.
I'd like to say that I got a good night's sleep, but that's not really possible in hospital, but at least I did get some sleep.

iota - the midwives in our hospital also tucked DD up in bed with me when I had just had here; that's what started me on the co-sleeping I think. It felt so cosy and right.