Anais - I am sorry I offended you - my friend did mean education in terms of sex education and some sort of education about responsibility (not just at you but other children who think it is acceptable to have children)- she has four sisters and two are single parents that have never worked in their lives and 'accidently' got pregnant - she on the other hand is a single parent because she got involved with a comlpete git who then hit her when she was pregnant and has done all sorts of nasty things since (throwing DSs cot out of top floor window after hiding him - was a good one - she thought he had also been thrown out!!) she said that she really respects single parents who really accidentally get pregnant or split up with their partners but to chose to have a baby (not one but two) without having an income and with no father around she feels is just the sort of steroetype that people associate with her when she says that she is bringing up a child on her own. She also mentioned that she has seen lots of girls make the choice to have a child at a very young age and their daughter's go on to do the same - she said that this is backed up by statistics and that they often find themselves in the poverty trap unable to get out and in many homes like that domestic violence is a rife - 3 of her friends mothers were beaten regularly and one of her friends lost her mother after she was beaten so badly for not opening the door quick enough to her abusive husband.
I think if women knew how hard their lives would be and the experience and fun they could gain from going to college or university or travelling lots of them would not chose to go down that route.
I am sorry to have offended your choice of employment also but I think that kind of think is kind of yucky and feel that it would be completely degrading but then again I am super shy and obviously you are not.
As for the quote about not wanting my husband around - that is my point of view from where I stand and I would never deny him contact with my daughter - after you have been controlled, mentally abused and hit it is hard to remain cool about someone - I do wish he would drop of the planet in terms of my relationship with him and to add a point - my daughter saw some of the abuse and at the back of my mind when I hear about him having a new girlfriend I feel sure that he would not stop himself hitting her in front of my daughter and feel that this is soooo bad for my daughter - will she grow up to think this is the norm and stay in a violent relationship because her father was violent to her mother and then the women in his life after that???? When you hear your child saying Daddy don't hurt mummy it is so hard to actually stand by and let them have a relationship but in a nother way I don't want her to grow up without contact with her father - I think making the odd off the cuff coment is not a bad thing when you consider where I am at the moment in my life!!
I think your first paragraph is a little strong and in no way meant to do to you what you stated - we were obviously brought up very differently and you believe you have choices which I think are just not there for me. To me benefit is there for people who do not chose to step on that particular gravey train but fall onto it accidentally - what I would call deserving cases.
That is going to be my last word on this - I am not a horrid unfeeling person and never try to be vindictive or cause distress to anyone, all I wanted to do was understand why you chose the path you did as the answers you have given to me do not justify it.
And yes whoever said I am going through a hard time at the moment I am, things are quite shit actually but I get through each day as it comes trying to work as hard as I can to ensure that I get to see my daughter as much as I can and can provide for her emotionally and financially - at the end of the day I see it as a blessing that I had my daughter and she is as happy as I can make her and in very good health. Someone said to me today on the bus on the way into work that I must have a very good life as I am always happy - I nearly cried that my life is pants and is not any good at all at the moment as I cannot see my DD when I want to, cannot kiss and cuddle her and tickle her but I try to be a good memeber of society and look after those who need it and try not to weigh everyone down with my problems, I have a house to live in a job to keep me occupied each day and a wonderful DP - but the whole meaning of my life is missing (my DD).
I am sorry to go on but I really did not mean it as a personal attack - I just do not agree with or understand your life choices and probably never will - lets just leave it atthe fact that we are very different.