Custy,
CAn I just say that (in case your post was intended to me) I never said anything about young mums not being good mums, no one thinks that, I just think that at 17 you may not fully appreciate how hard it's going to be, (possibly you don't even whne you're older), I know sometimes when I was younger I wanted something so much as to lose track of all the 'consequences', part of growing up is knowing that you can't have everything just because you want it. This doesn't amke you a bad mother, but I think you get a bit of a shock when baby comes along and things are much more difficult than expected. This is hard enough if you don't ahve financial worries and a supporting partner and more experience behind you. I cannot imagine what it would be like without all these things.
I'd never advocate to put a price tag on a child or to take children away from anyone (unless they were hurting them) but I still think that deliberately bring children into the world when they are going to live in poverty (and knowing that if you have children it will be twice as hard to try and get out of poverty) is at thge very least naive. I suppose at 17 you think thiungs will work out in the end, well that doesn't always happen, and this is what you learn when you grow up, and most peole don't know at 17 or thereabouts. (not talking about you, don't know you, but the vast majority don't)
I can see you've had a very hard life, one I cannot even begin to imagine, and I don't know your situation, but you admit you are an exception, so would you say to any young girl wanting to start a family before she's even had a chance of creating a decent life for herself to go ahead, have the baby if you want? I guess my point is, why make it harder on yourself? Why not find a job, a place to stay and then have children? At 17 you're not so old you can't wait any longer.
I don't know if this is your case, but I can imagine a lot of young girls have children to escpae home, maybe because life is hard at home, they think they can have their own family and things can be different, but it's very hard to change things, it's even harder if you have a young child to take care of.
I'm sorry to hear what happened to you especially after you managed to get back on your feet, you really deserved better luck, of course there was nothing you could do in that case, and you must be an extraordinary person to have sailed through all of that, I was talking about girls who have a choice, not about people whose partner runs away after promising help, or lose their job etc etc.
I've probably changed the subject anyway, this is not even about benefits, I don't mind paying taxes so that other people can have something they deserve, what I don't understand is those people who somehow put themselves in that position, I could have been one (even though you don't get ebenfits in Italy), I was having sex at 17, but I b made sure I didn't get pregnant, I knew that then I'd have had to accept the first job available and just try and make ends meet like that, I had other aspirations, I suppose these girls don't...this doesn't make it right, it's like when you have a baby to save your marriage, it doesn't work, the same applies here, you don't get out of a bad situation by having a baby, you just make it worse. And I don't think you know these things when you're 17.
When I was 21 I was bulimic for a while, when my boyfriend found out he said the solution was for us to have a baby (we often talked about getting married and starting a family once we finished university and found a job), but it would have been a mistake, just imagine what kind of depression I would have got myself into!!! And it would not have been fair to the baby either.
One final point, to all who keep saying that babies do not need money they need love, of course they no need money themselves, but they do need a roof on their head, food to eat, clothes, you can get all of these cheaper, but you still need some money, or am I wrong???
Just to conclude my post is not about who should or shouldn't ahve babies, I don't think anyone can regulatre that, all I'm saying having children is a huge resposnsibility and you should be able to take that on in every sense, you all admit tha life on benefits is no happy thing, why would you wish that on an unborn child, if you haven't even tried to make things better for you? I believe people owe it to themselves and their babies.
With all the due respect to peole like Custardo and Anais.