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I hate weddings. Tell me I'm not alone.

78 replies

Pruni · 05/08/2005 16:02

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compo · 05/08/2005 16:46

I think what puts me off about wedding lists and vouchers is that the couple know exactly how much you've spent on them.

expatinscotland · 05/08/2005 16:47

Aw, I love chosing pressies! You're right, bean, a pressie from John Lewis or Lakeland that they can exchange if I don't know them well is just the thing.

But you should SEE the 'lists' from some of the weddings I've been to! One had NOTHING under £50. And there were a bunch of pensioners embarrassed b/c they were unable to afford to spend that much. That's shocking.

compo · 05/08/2005 16:51

I would have just got a voucher for £20 and left it at that!

kama · 05/08/2005 17:20

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Springchicken · 05/08/2005 17:25

Oh no I am getting married in July and am now panicing that my guests are going to feel like this

I really hope they don't! I have tried really hard to organise things so people wont be bored, standing around waiting, paying for drinks etc.
Oh dear

weesaidie · 05/08/2005 17:35

I have never been to a wedding and I had been rather wanting to! Definitely not sure now!

My cousin is getting married in a couple of years and it seems so stressful having to save up and organise it all, she wants it to be 'perfect.' I wouldn't be bothered about that, something simple and fun I hope if I ever do it!

I don't know what she will be doing about presents but I know she won't be trying to make money as she is going to be paying thousands for the wedding herself.

weesaidie · 05/08/2005 17:39

But the idea of having a wedding list where nothing is under £50 (unless you and ALL your friends are obscenely wealthy!) is abhorrent!

I think I could push the boat out to £30 for close friends but no more!

CarolinaMoon · 05/08/2005 17:54

The ceremony is heart-warming but everything else is a load of old crap, so formulaic and such an utter waste of money. I mean, you can buy a very nice car for the price of the average wedding, and it will last you a lot longer than one day.

Can you tell me and DP aren't going to get married?

Agree about the wedding lists as well - invariably the couple is already living together so they have cutlery, glasses, plates already. A former colleague actually had a fake wedding list at Harrods - they exchanged every "gift" bought from it for Harrods vouchers, which he proceeded to spend on fancy boy gadgets.

sweetkitty · 05/08/2005 18:07

Hate wedding lists remember one bride kept going on the John Lewis website at work and checking ehr list and exclaiming oh so and so have only bought me X (costs about £70) there are so miserable they must earn at least 100K a year. She had things on there that were £250 plus.

One of my friends is a bridesmaid this year for 2 close friends and she is having to pay for her dress, tiara, shoes, accomodation the works, she's on her own and I think that is so unfair.

What is it about weddings and bridezillas??? (makes same women go mad) I would rather have a £100 wedding in a registry office and a new car

sweetkitty · 05/08/2005 18:08

I meant sane women

gingerbear · 05/08/2005 18:15

I like the church ceremony, singing, and at the last one DD and I went to, skipping through the may blossom in the churchyard. Then we buggered off to a softplay and had a picnic in a local park.
Receptions and 'evening doos'are formulaic and a bit boring frankly.

chicagomum · 05/08/2005 18:15

even worse imo is the engagement party we were invited to (the daughter of dh's fathers friend!!) which had a present list then there was a list when it came round to the actual wedding, greedy or what?

motherinferior · 05/08/2005 18:52

I've been to very few weddings (I'm so right-on, moi ) but the ones I've been to and did enjoy were the ones where the people getting married clearly had thought a lot about the guests, and in one case had specifically asked for no presents because they knew that getting to Edinburgh was expensive enough for most of us. That one, and the one in Devon I went to last year, were rather wonderful - including real thought for the children, and masses of champagne. And nobody turned a hair when I breastfed DD2 at the table either.

Shame I couldn't entice DP out into the Devon fields under the harvest moon though

motherinferior · 05/08/2005 18:52

Mostly they're not my thing, though, I have to say.

liandme · 05/08/2005 18:56

my brother gets married tomorrow and my sister got married on 29th may and i am getting married on 29th october and so far all our wedding plans have been totally different so we havent actually got bored with the idea yet but i think my parents cower everytime they hear the word and wish they never had so many kids especially getting married in the same year

tribpot · 05/08/2005 19:02

Fortunately I think all the weddings I've been to have been for close friends and/or family, and I've always had very positive feelings towards the people getting married and their future together. Admittedly the reason my track record is good is because I deliberately avoid the weddings of people I don't know so well or who I think are hideously wrong for each other (Just in case a fellow MNer reads this, who invited me to her wedding but I didn't attend - this was not the reason!)

For myself I wanted a very low-key affair - just as well as my dh-to-be was extremely unwell when we got married and had to attend in a wheelchair. None of the making an entrance/big meringue dress/palaver for me. But I went to a wedding at the weekend for one of my best friends, who had all that and more, AND had managed not to turn into Bridezilla whilst organising the affair - and it was brilliant. Exactly what she wanted, and lots of fun for everyone else.

I have similar feelings about wedding lists, which is why we went for a charity list at Goodgifts. Various right-on friends of mine were dead jealous they hadn't discovered this idea first for their weddings and felt hideously materialistic after the fact!

Engagement parties are okay if you like that sort of thing but I've never bought anyone an engagement present and I never will. Actually I bought champers for the couple mentioned above but that was different, esp as they saved it up til we went round to drink it with them.

compo · 05/08/2005 19:02

apologies to all the people reading this and about to get married I'm sure you've been to some weddings you liked and some you didn't and you'll know how to make it special I had a fantastic time at my wedding

Pruni · 05/08/2005 20:11

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sobernow · 05/08/2005 20:27

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catsmother · 05/08/2005 20:36

I don't hate weddings per se - I have been to some which were lovely, but those tended to be the weddings of close friends/family where there was lots of people I knew and which were relatively close by.

I do find all weddings quite stressful as a guest however - and it almost seems quite gauche to admit this as you are "supposed" to feel happy for the couple, which of course you are, but that doesn't mean the whole thing isn't stressful. Like others have already mentioned, I find getting a suitable outfit a nightmare .... yeah, if I had loads of money, it'd be a pleasure to shop for the sake of it, but because I don't, and because my day to day wear is completely casual, I can't just go and indulge myself without thinking about how I'll justify the expense. As an aside, I once bought an expensive hat from John Lewis, then regretted it after & took it back only for the snooty sales woman to announce loudly "modom, there is foundation inside the brim" .... I kept a dead-pan face and lied (which I know was naughty) "well, that must have been there when I bought it because as I said, it hasn't been worn". I wouldn't normally be so blatant, but I needed the dosh and had checked very carefully before returning it and it was immaculate - think she had me sussed though and it was a game of double bluff.

Anyway, aside from that, there's all the kerfuffle of staying over - depending on where it is and the time of the ceremony, you can end up paying for 2 nights B&B, as well as a present, and in the end, that can amount to hundreds. And unless an entertainer / creche room / kid orientated food has been provided, you get even more stressed trying to keep them in order .... particularly if placed at a table of strangers. It can end up feeling akin to torture - sorry to be such a mis !

I'm engaged and hoping to persuade Dp we can go abroad, just the 2 of us and have a fantastic honeymoon and think of only ourselves for a rare couple of weeks.

Secretly, I would love a "big" wedding, but cannot justify the expense (god knows when we'll ever be able to afford a decent honeymoon) - and if we were going to do it that way, I would want to make sure that as few guests as possible were put out, which of course makes it even more expensive.

catsmother · 05/08/2005 20:41

P.S: a big thumbs up to the couples who specifically state no presents. An even bigger one to those who ask for charity donations instead - think that's a great idea. Very few couples these days are in the position of having to equip a home from scratch, and being asked for vouchers and/or leisure related stuff like CDs or even PlayStation games (really!) makes me bristle. On one list I saw, they'd asked for a gym membership and Monsoon / Timberland vouchers !!!

expatinscotland · 05/08/2005 20:57

I know of one 40-year-old woman with a cracking career who's been divorced for years, owns her own place, etc. Marrying a similarly placed man. And asked if it would be gauche if they had a wedding list.

Um, yeah. Totally tasteless.

Pruni · 05/08/2005 21:13

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WideWebWitch · 05/08/2005 21:34

Get you, MI, harvest moon indeed! Still broody then? Har de har. Ooh, I have loads more to say about weddings but no time in which to say it, unfortunately, but I will be back, bwah ha ha ha

expatinscotland · 05/08/2005 21:39

Pruni
How'd you find out what the groom had done w/the Harrod's gifts?