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Original poster

What is the point of marriage?

28 replies

dillydally · 05/08/2005 10:19

There seem to be fewer and fewer reasons to get married - especially for a women.

Whilst previously single women would be downgraded by society, this is no longer the case, women are now financially independent and provide for themselves and given the high rate of divorce, why do women put themselves through this?

I don't accept that marriage is essential for love and I see some of my friends desperate to get married by a given birthday which makes them do crazy things, like settle for the wrong man.

I also believe that a significant minority of men never intend to keep their marriage vows.

So why do it?

OP posts:
Iamalsohairyhercules · 05/08/2005 10:22

But lots of women arent financially independent.

I am married but have no expectations of my children to get married.

I guess for me it was a sign of our commitment together although now I'm 10 years older (got married young at 21) I see no value to it tbh. Our relationship would still be the same.

vickiyumyum · 05/08/2005 10:22

for me, as well as to show/prove our love it was to make us feel like proper family, all with the same name. thats just my poionon of course, that i felt until we were married that we weren't a real family. maybe thats because we both come from married families with no divorces seperation etc and have had fairly happy childhoods.
i'm not saying that if you're not married you are not a proper family, because i do beleive that one of the good things about society today is that you don't have to conform and fit in with old fashioned 'norms' to be accepted!

Chandra · 05/08/2005 10:23

BEcause we all love to have a Cindirella's white dress!

Just kidding, obviously as this thread has the material to fire up.

edodgy · 05/08/2005 10:24

The huge P*ss up and the presents of course
no im not married!

rickman · 05/08/2005 10:25

Message withdrawn

sistermoon · 05/08/2005 10:28

Because it demonstrates a commitment to each other to be family, I guess people get married for differnt reasons.

fqueenzebra · 05/08/2005 10:29

I think I just couldn't get over the shock that somebody (dh) actually wanted to marry me.

madmarchhare · 05/08/2005 10:31

rickman

madmarchhare · 05/08/2005 10:32

Lots of different people, lots of different reasons. I couldnt give two hoots but DH really wanted to before he had kids. (He has lovely cosy family background, I do not)

iota · 05/08/2005 10:32

I never wanted to get married until I met my dh - and I was in my 30s then, and very independent - good job, flat and car.

I just knew that I'd finally met the right man

vickiyumyum · 05/08/2005 10:48

oh and forgot to say, i always said that i would never get married, that it was too oppressive (?sp) and then i met my dh and knew staright away that i wanted his babies and to marry him he said that he felt the same that there was just something about me! [insert puking emoticon here]

Caligula · 05/08/2005 11:05

I think the point is that when you die and haven't bothered to make a will, the state doesn't have to wonder about how you wanted to dispose of your assets. Marrying somebody is a legal declaration that they are the guardian of any children you have and the beneficiaries of your estate and that they are the person who will decide where and how your corpse is disposed of and in the event of medical treatment where you are not compos mentis, they will be the person in consultation with medical staff, to decide if and when treatment is given (eg in the event of a car accident needing a blood transfusion if you can't sign the consent form yourself). It just makes life simple and uncomplicated. If you don't marry, your parents are your next of kin, which has legal implications you may not be happy with.

Ellbell · 05/08/2005 13:16

I'm with Caligula. Got married primarily for legal reasons. Was pregnant and wanted my partner to have rights over his children which unmarried fathers do not necessarily have. Still haven't got round to making a will, but I know I should do so (dh's father died intestate and it was hugely complicated because he had his own business... horrible) but in the absence of a will, at least I know that if anything happens to me, no-one can challenge my dh's right to look after his kids, etc. (That makes me sound very suspicious of my own parents, which I'm not really, but I prefer things to be clear!) Also dh knows my views on things like organ donation, what I want done with my body after my death, etc.

I chose to live with my partner because I loved him. I didn't need marriage to assert that fact. But legally the alternative to marriage is a whole lot of hassle, which I just couldn't be bothered with.

Incidentally, I am financially independent (still have my own bank account) and for a long time it was me supporting my partner, not vice versa. I pay the mortgage. I kept my own name when I got married. For me it is purely and simply a legal nicety.

God, I'm so unromantic! Sorry!

anorak · 05/08/2005 13:40

After years and years of devoted resistance to marriage, I wanted to marry my dh within a few weeks of meeting him.

I wanted the legal entanglement and commitment, I wanted him to know he was worth tying myself up for (no pun ) and wanted to know that he felt the same.

Norash · 05/08/2005 13:42

Are you married dillydally?

lucy5 · 05/08/2005 13:45

I had been with dh for fo 15 years when we got married. It was only after having dd, did we think abbout it. I never wanted to change my name but I did because I wanted everyone to knoww dd was ours. Silly, I know! I can honestly say that being married has changed nothing except my name.

Original poster
dillydally · 05/08/2005 14:29

Hi Norash.
No I am not as I can't see the point of it
I never have been either.

OP posts:
madmarchhare · 05/08/2005 14:37

Very very good point made by Caligula that made me say 'OK then', rather than 'No thank you matey, you are oppressing me'

TigerLilly2005 · 05/08/2005 14:41

I must admite i have only been with dp for 4 yrs but i must say i really do not intend to get married for many years yet. I have seen so many marriages break down through my life (not my parents or dp's though) that it makes me wonder if there really is any point.
It does not mean i love dp any less i just think that after we have been together for say 10+ yrs and we are still going strong i will commit to marriage.
The only reason i would get married now is for my childrens sake so dp has the rights etc. But my ds and the baby on the way will have dp's surname so its only me really with my own name.

Ellbell · 05/08/2005 14:55

Not such a silly thing to change your name to be the same as your dd, Lucy5... I often find myself defining myself as 'dd's mother' rather than giving my own name, as I know that it won't mean anything to people from her school etc, since I have a different surname.

TigerLilly - even if your kids have your partner's surname, he still would have very few rights over them if anything happened to you if you're not married. (Unless you make a will giving stating that, for example, you'd want him to have custody in the event of your death.) But otherwise your next of kin (i.e. presumably your parents) could contest his right to custody.

stitch · 05/08/2005 15:00

LEGAL Rights.
thats all.
i have married a decade, but have my own name. and would never change it for any reason.

Pruni · 05/08/2005 15:39

Message withdrawn

Norash · 05/08/2005 16:24
  1. Regular sex

  1. For the kids, just incase anything happens.

  2. Oh! and did I mention Love (regular sex)

triceratops · 05/08/2005 16:30

Romance.

Ds wants to marry half the girls in playgroup, and he wants to marry me . They all play at weddings, not for legal reasons or for entrapment purposes but because they believe in true love and romance. And I think it is lovely.

PeachyClair · 05/08/2005 16:32

Um?

Well, because I needed a way to blow ten k or so?

Not quite sure, would still be together I think if we weren't, but being married DID make us work hard through bad times, as it would have been an expensive pain in the arse to get divorced.

We're old and settled to gether now, but at the time we felt it was sometjhing we HAD to do, to celebrate each other- bleurgghh