Me me me me me....or maybe not.

[pie]

I mentioned on another thread a couple of days ago that yesterday my brother was hiring a car, DH was going to take me shopping and an electric wheelchair had been arranged.

It was the first time in about 2 months I had been further than 15 yards, and I don't include the frequent hospital visits.

Anyway, I knew I wanted to buy some stuff for DD and the baby.

And I knew that as my birthday is in 5 weeks DH wanted to get me something now whilst he had some money.

Before I even got pregnant though I had begun to find it impossible to buy or ask for anything for myself. Everytime I think about clothes or a book or anything I was going into mental turmoil about where the money should go and that DD or DH need something more than me.

We don't have alot of money but there is enough every couple of months to buy something down the market etc, but I CAN'T LET MYSELF OR ANYONE SPEND MONEY ON ME.

So yesterday DH is asking what I wanted for my birthday, at least to show him stuff so he could get me something. But all I wanted to do was come home. I mean we had planned the day for weeks and I was just shopping numb.

Is there anyone else out there who after years of kids and financial responsiblity who can no longer 'let themselves go' even for a moment? Does anyone else find it hard to let themselves be pampered or treated?

What should I ask DH for my birthday?

Oh pie, that is tough. I can understand how you can think that it's better to spend the money on dd or new baby or dh. But you know I'm sure DH really wants to get you something so really you are doing it for him after all!! I can understand how you'd get fed up with shopping so have a look on the internet. It's hard to suggest what to ask for when I don't know what you like or need. How about a massage?? New clothes? Facial? Couple of books? New makeup? You can see I have no trouble thinking of stuff myself!! I'm sure you'll think of something if you try. It does yourself and the whole family good if you pamper yourself a little bit. God knows you deserve it and it'll make you a happier little bunny to live with.

Big hugs!

I can totally relate.... I cannot buy things for me and I do not enjoy shopping on most occasion anymore... I feel it would be best to either save or buy for DS or DD....
If I were you (and I am not ) I'df ask for a night out that he would organise i.e. book babysitter and book table at restaurant.... have a special night out - we don't do that anymore so for me it would be a real treat....
My 2nd favourite would be a piece of jewellery - it doesn't have to be of any precious metal at all....

I hit a shopping low about a year ago and I found buying a glass bead bracelet from Accessorise helped ease me into spending on myself - pretty, frivolous but not expensive (about £5 I think). Can completely relate to shopping numbness!

I had a "me" shopping trip on Monday. I had to physically force myself not to go into Baby Gap though.

Pie dear, why don't you write down all the things that everyone has suggested that you'd like too, jiggle them around in a hat and ask DH to pick one and not tell you which one he's chosen and then you'll have a delightful surprise on your birthday. XX
(I can't go shopping for me either unless it's to charity shops !)

As you're doing your chosen "treat" remember that the BEST thing you can do for your children is LOOK AFTER THEIR MUMMY!

Enjoy yourself.

HI Pie,
On a different track here, would you enjoy a subscription to a magazine like The Week? Its something that you and DH could both enjoy. Anyway, I got it from my DH for Christmas and I always look forward to getting it each week -- it bills itself as "ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS" and is a weekly summary of all the main political, sports, economic events of the week. Also has gossip from the tabloids, best houses for sale, that kind of stuff. Its 19.50 pounds for 13 weeks and the website is www.theweek.co.uk

Hello Pie - you (and all of us mums) certainly deserve a treat & how nice of your DH to offer to buy you something ... I would second Lorien's idea about a magazine subscription ..... depending on your interests - there are loads of fab magazines around ... I was looking at the BBC History one the other day. My brother used to always give me a magazine subscription for my birthday present and it's a lovely 'ongoing' present.

Happy birthday!

Pie, maybe for next year, you could try and get catalogues for things you like. I love browsing through the Lakeland catalogues and choosing all the weird things I'd buy if I didn't think it'd be a waste of money (which, for me, makes a perfect present-- something I want but can't justify). And I am an absolute sucker for the SpaceNK catalogue and Bliss (the latter is from the US, but worth every penny, plus the US dollar is pathetic at the moment). For me, it's the browsing part that is fun.

Or this year, if you're strapped for time, make a wish list on Amazon .

Just a tip: don't put anything on the list that you don't actually want. It sounds obvious, but I'm just saying... (this isn't from my experience, honestly!).

Call today, the catalogues should be there in a couple of days and there you go! It might work out for this year if you are decisive (says Ms Indecisive herself).

Happy Birthday in advance!

Pie, definitely a massage or pedicure or something. There's a place in Putney called the Escape that does a pregnancy massage, special massage table with a hole in it for your bump!

Thanks for all the ideas ladies. DH has often told me that I'm the worst person in the world to buy for.

I don't wear jewellery or read magazines, but if I did they would be great suggestions. DH suggested a massage but to be honest the SPD makes it impossible to be touched on my back. I was thinking of maybe a haircut, but this is always a source of contention with DH as hates it when I get my haircut.

But I think I will insist on the haircut and then a trip to SpaceNk...thank you for that evil suggestion JJ. I have one near me. DH will moan that I buy makeup and then never wear it (this is purely down to the fact I never have time to put it on anymore), but what the hell!!!

Is it normal though for mums to feel this way? Not feeling somehow worthy. My DH has no problem spending money on himself, infact it often pisses me off. God I wish I were into gadgets DH would buy my millions in a heartbeat just so he could play for them.

If yoiu can't bear the thought of a massage with your SPD, how about a facial? They can be just as relaxing. You can get arm & hand massages too I think.

Pie, I know exactly how you feel. For the first twelve years of my daughters life I never visited a hairdresser because I felt it too indulgent and would get my mother (who is not a hairdresser but does it ok) to cut my hair! Dh said only yesterday he'd like to treat me to a pampering and although I love the idea in reality I just know I will think it far too much of an indulgence. Whilst I was pregnant I could justify having reflexology every week because I had to keep my blood pressure down 'for the baby' but the moment ds was born the refleology stopped and my bp soared!! Clothes have to be falling off me before I will buy new (Dh hates clothes shopping with me as I find it so difficult to buy myself anything). Even if I love something I go through all kinds of guilt and sometimes leave a shop and return several times before I can bring myself to buy an item.

I think this is an issue that has at least two elements to it. I grew up being told I deserved very little and therefore find it very difficult spending money on myself & secondly I have always had to be careful with money (there is always something else that money could be spent on rather than me). Furthermore, I have relatively expensive tastes and would rather go without if I can't afford a particular thing.

NO help to you what so ever but do understand. Have found that spending money on line doesn't feel like spending money so this may be a way to go!

Mummysurfers advice to "remember that the BEST thing you can do for your children is LOOK AFTER THEIR MUMMY!" seems like a really good way of looking at it...

pie, one thing - at least the summer sales are on. I too find it hard to let go, especially at times when I know we are near skint. I used to keep the receipts of things for ages, just in case I felt the pressing need to return them and get my cash back or a credit slip. That was my insurance policy.

I also find it much easier to buy something for me when I know it has been marked down. I also try and decide how much I'd use it - something in the sale that I'd also use a lot is the best combination for me. So wearable shoes, a handbag that's actually useful, a top that will go with everything, a new dressing gown if my old one is falling to pieces etc are the sorts of things that ring my bell. Especially if they are ones that are usually out of my price range.

I find new shoes are always a boost (and they needn't be expensive ones) but I don't know how easy it will be for you to buy shoes if you are in a wheelchair at the moment.

Is there a TK MAXX near you? If you don't know this shop it could be worth a visit IMO - they discount all the time and you can pick up some real bargains - clothes, shoes, accessories, handbags, cosmetics etc.

Anyway that's my suggestion FWIT.

If you really can't decide what you would like then some vouchers would be handy. You can just stash them away until you think of something to spend them on. But don't spend them on anybody else!

Spelling! FWIW, I mean!

Pie I think this is something all mothers will relate to. I go out shopping and end up visisting all the baby shops, and not any for me. If I do buy something for me, it has to be offset by something for my girls!