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Original poster

How can the police not press charges?

23 replies

littledetails · 01/05/2010 15:01

In a nutshell: My ex has been leaving my two children with his best friends 18yr old son while he had been djing for 6 months now. Which I wasnt happy about but he assured me he was ok. Two weeks ago he left my 5yr old daughter with this man whilst he went shopping. During this time he had a shower and asked my daughter to have a shower with him and asked her to wash his erect penis, which my daughter obvioulsy didnt want to do and he grabbed her hand and showed her how to do it. She told her step dad on the way home and he told her not to say anything. It came out and I rang the police. My daughter was interviewed and recorded. Then after 17 days they arrested the 18yr old who admitted everything. They have placed him on the sex offenders register and let him off with a caution? Im really mad and dont know what to do. They also couldnt get hold of my ex to question him so I feel he has also got off lightly. Although social services are now involved and have said that me cant have unsupervised access with the children, until the case is concluded which it now is. Wheres the justice and does anyone know if I can do anything.

OP posts:
memoo · 01/05/2010 15:03

"" She told her step dad on the way home and he told her not to say anything""

Is that your husband?

Original poster
littledetails · 01/05/2010 15:08

Im sorry to say that it is. When I rang him and confronted him he said he wanted to speak to him first and find out what had happened. Having said that it later came out that he had got back from shopping and she was in the shower on her own and he was playing his x box - Wouldnt he have asked the question why he had put her in the shower? They then all went off to mcdonalds! Im furious.

OP posts:
DaisymooSteiner · 01/05/2010 15:13

Cautioning offenders is the polices new solution for dealing with everything from drunk & disorderly to serious crime, as you've just found out. My dad works in this area and has been tearing his hair out about it for some time. It's disgraceful that a sex offender should have been offered a caution and if I were you I would be making a formal complaint and talking to your MP.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 01/05/2010 15:16

That's disgusting.

To me a caution undermines the seriousness of the offence totally. Your dd is only 5 ffs, that is truly awful.

Original poster
littledetails · 01/05/2010 15:23

Im so upset that he has got away with this but I am truly grateful that he didnt touch her. It does however make me feel sick that he had probably been grooming her over the six months he has been babysitting her while her step dad was out djing with him friend. Most fathers who see their children every other weekend cheerish the time they have with them and wouldnt leave them. The police officer said that they decided not to press charges as they wouldnt want my daughter to go to court although the police station where she was interview said that wouldnt happen - they are not the same police force. They also said he could change his plee in court - hows that so if he has admitted it on tape? The whole thing stinks and he is going about his normal life as if nothing has happened.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 01/05/2010 15:29

What is it you want to See happen to him?

TheFirstLady · 01/05/2010 15:29

littledetails - are you saying that your ex is your DD's step dad, not her biological father. In that case, surely he has no right to access to her at all? Forgive me, if I've misunderstood.
As to what you can do about the charge, I really don't know, but I am shocked that they chose to let him off with a caution.

DrSpechemin · 01/05/2010 15:33

I'm really confused - if he is her ex-stepdad why does he have access?

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 01/05/2010 15:35

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FabIsGoingToGetFit · 01/05/2010 15:37

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
littledetails · 01/05/2010 15:37

I want him to go to court and be sentenced for it not to go about this normal business only having a slap on the wrist. Put it this way a friends 20yr old realitive who txt his ex sayin he hoped she would die, as she had done nothing but torment him telling him he would never see his unborn child has just received a 5 months sentence.....that doesnt make sence to me.

Yes he is her stepdad an I will be speaking to social services on Tuesday saying that I dont want him to have contact with her as he obviously doesnt know how to care for her properly whilst in his care for the few days a month he has her. I will constantly be worrying now for the safety of my sons while his is with his dad.

OP posts:
FabIsGoingToGetFit · 01/05/2010 15:41

Her step dad, is he your current husband? And where is her natural dad?

DrSpechemin · 01/05/2010 15:42

Is he your son's biological father or step dad too?

It might be worth you contacting a legal advice service? Do you have one with your home/car insurance?

Original poster
littledetails · 01/05/2010 15:42

He is her stepdad an has been with her since she was a baby and we have since had a child together whos 2yrs 4mths. We have been separated 14 mths now and have not done anything about a divorce due to funds. I do want to prosecute him but just dont have the funds to do so.

OP posts:
Original poster
littledetails · 01/05/2010 15:45

He is the biological dad my 2yr old and her real dad moved away and used to come and see her on her birthday and at christmas although he didnt last year.

I think I have legal advice with my bank account....never thought of that will check that out.

OP posts:
DrSpechemin · 01/05/2010 15:45

Is it possible that your ex knew about the son's behaviour before he decided to leave your dc with him?

Is your ex not livid and wanting to kill this teenager for what he has done?

Original poster
littledetails · 01/05/2010 15:50

I dont know he says not and he says he wants to knock his block off, but I think most men would of. I know my sister had to hold back her husband and her son from going to sort out both my ex and his friends son. I have joked with my ex that he could be gay with this friend as they spend so much time together, snot sure whether he is trying to cover something up.

OP posts:
FabIsGoingToGetFit · 01/05/2010 15:52
Hmm
Original poster
littledetails · 01/05/2010 16:02

I could be completely barking up the wrong tree with the gay thing. But he is doing things with him that I used to moan we never did like go to the pub and weekends away. As far as Im aware they spend most nights together.

OP posts:
Original poster
littledetails · 01/05/2010 22:40

I am in shock....I checked my ex's facebook when this incident happen to see what this 18 yr old looked like, I did find him but only through his dads profile. I have looked this evening and my ex now has him as a friend?!?!?!?! I cannot believe he has added this man since the incident which he has admitted to. I am definately going to social services on Tuesday and telling them he is not seeing either of the children.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 01/05/2010 22:45

I have a feeling that neither the 18 year old nor the stepdad would be left with anything to wash in the shower by the time i had finished with them.

Original poster
littledetails · 01/05/2010 22:48

I really dont know how Im holding myself back from doing something, Im furious.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 01/05/2010 22:57

Can't blame you in the slightest

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