Your worst (and funniest) vomit incident

[happymerryberries]

Prompted to do this by the amazingly funny sweetcorn river thread.

When ds was 18 months he could vomit for Britain. At the time out car's boot had lost its counterballence so that it wouldn't stay up on its own but had to be held up. Both these facts are central to my little tale.

We were on the way south on the A1 and turned off just after Stamford. Ds started to make sicky noises so I yelled for dh to stop, but too late! Ds was covered, his car seat was covered, the back of my car seat was covered. It was pissing with rain and blowing a small gale.

We lept into action, a well drilled team. DH started to strip down ds while I went to the boot to get a complete change of clothes, towels, wet wipes. The wind was lashing the rain, and I had to do all of this while holding a very heavy boot with one hand, all the time dh shouting, 'Where is the towel?' and me yelling 'I don't know' in ever more frenzied tones. At this point dd decided that she wasn't getting enough attention and started to cry that the smell was making her sick too.

I rifled through my bag, located the things I needed, spilling most of the contents while I did it, and thankfuly let the boot drop. I turned bach to the job of helping dh clear up, which took some time. Whe ds was clean and sitting in his stripped down car seat in a towel I turned back to the boot to put the dirty items in a plastic bag.

Only to find that the back of the boot was covered in foam! It looked like the boot had rabies. And more and more of the stuff was billowing out! When I droped the boot it fell on by Virgin Vie Peppermint foot fizz and chopped it in half! Boot was now full of foam. car then stank of vomit and peppermint. Yummy!

And the question is this, why did no-one warn me that my life would get like this once I had kids?

I used to play in a military band, and we were travelling home on the motorway from a job at some unearthly hour in the morning, when one of the other girls (who had been imbibing in the mess after the job) felt sick. Someone found her a plastic bag to throw up in, which she did, but there was no-where to put the bag, which wasn't smelling very nice. It was also a clear bag, and the sight of the vomit slopping around was threatening to make everyone else sick too - so some bright spark had a brainwave and decided to pass another bag around the handle of the original bag, in order to tie it around the upright of the push-up skylight in the bus, with the intention of closing the skylight and leaving the bag on the outside, on the roof (someone else had also been imbibing; it obviously seemed like a good idea at the time). So, the skylight was duly pushed up, and someone stood on a seat to tie the bag to it - and the wind took the bag of sick. The last we saw of it was the splat as it hit the car behind us and covered the windscreen (and the bonnet, and the headlights) in copious amounts of vomit ...

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when i was a teenager i went to a fair,i was standing under one of the really fast rides.I thought i looked really cool in my brown velvet jacket.well as the ride went round someone boffed and quess whos back it hit, at speed.

when my ds was 5mths my niece was holding him and he was sick so she threw him on the floor,she was only 8yrs and hated sick.

When I was 18 I was staying at my dads house, where I shared a bedroom with my sister when I visited. My sister had to work that evening so I went out with some friends. I had a fair bit to drink and came home went to bed, My sister was already in bed asleep as she was working again early in the morning. I fell asleep but woke up feeling really sick, the bathroom in their house is down the stairs and I knew I wasn't going to make it there, so I emptied her wastepaper bin and was sick in that then feeling better I got up and went downstairs and washed it out etc and took it back. I was thinking thank goodness my sister was asleep she'll never know.

Ha! in the morning my sister told me that she'd been wide awake and heard it all and apparently after I'd been sick I was whispering, don't wake up don't wake up, while I sneaked out of the bedroom

my ds came and got in bed with me and dp one night and i got out of bed to go to the toilet, dp rolled into my place to give ds a cuddle and he threw up all over his face. glad i needed the loo or it would have been me.

pmsl at this thread. I have loads of vomming stories but despite trying to rack my brains for the funniest one don't suppose I can top most of yours. Absolutely love the McD breakfasts, "oh I do love pasta" and the oilman one.

how about when I was pregnant with ds1 and on the way to a christening. Dp doing 80 on the motorway and I knew I had to be sick, so wound the window down and stuck my head out (having done this many times as a kid as I used to get travel sickness). Unfortunately the sick was all blown back inside the car, all in my hair and on dp's jacket that was hanging behind me. I had to wash my hair in the basin at the next motorway service station and dry it under the hand drier. It wasn't our car though, we'd only hired it for the weekend.

No, have just remembered my best story. Coming home one night on the last tube (pre kids, this one). Someone in a suit swayed into the carriage and eventually managed to sit down near me. He opened his briefcase, threw up into it, closed it and went to sleep. Very tidy. I remember wondering if he did this often or if he just thought of it on the spot.

Age 16 - posh do at the Savoy (my dad's business do, we got to go too)- food too rich - felt ill - got lost trying to find my room and puked up in the corridor. Funny thing was, there was no sign of it 10 mins later when I returned feeling better (do they have cameras everywhere???)

I don't do sick >shudder

when i was 17 i had a lovely bf with a really big expensive car (he was 25, okay i lied, i told him i was 19). we were in that stage of the relationship when you are erm...y'know...doing it a lot. so he had taken me to this club and i got REALLY ratted. we left the club and frantic things led to...other frantic things in the car park. we finished some time later with me feeling a tad queasy. after his shining moment...(i mean literally 3 seconds after) i shot up in my seat, swung open the door and projectile vomited...EVERYWHERE. he was quite upper class and the look of horror and hurt on his face remains in my memory ever since. dont think he ever realised he had that affect on women!!

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he he...im glad to amuse!!!

Apposite

my 'best' vomit story!! well one of them. I was holding ds2 facing a lady who was a bit pompous and a know it all. I was explaining that ds had reflux. She said oh. (not believing children had anything, its all in mums mind!!) I s'pose he projectile vomits too she said...and right on cue my little darling did..all over her!!!!

When I was a kid, my family went to the south coast on holiday. We were driving down, enjoying some coconut choc sweets, me and my sister in the back, mum and dad up front. I started to feel sick, wound my window down and stuck my head out. Dad was trying to find somewhere to pull over while I was moaning out of the window "I feel sick, I feel sick". Anyway, he pulled into a garage forecourt and the car had almost stopped when I turned away from the window, faced my sister and threw up mountains of coconut choc all over her. It was in her hair, all over her face and clothes, she was covered. It was dripping down her face.

She was totally silent, with a blank look on her face.

Dad got her out of the car and took her over to the air and water dispenser, where he proceeded to hose her down. She never uttered a word the whole time, just stood there, vomit dripping off her, getting soaked wet thru, with this same totally void look on her face.

To this day I have no idea why on earth I leaned back into the car to be sick.

And she still can't eat coconut.

Rofl at these. I had bad morning sickness with ds1, which would come on very suddenly. We were out in our posh sports car (those were the days!) when I wanted to throw up. Dh stopped the car and opened the door so I wouldn't be sick inside. I threw up on the pavement...and onto the feet of a traffic warden.

Ds1, when he was a teenager, had rather too much to drink and vomited at home late one night. When I got up next morning I found that he'd used the hoover to clean it up!

lmao at you r ds1 and the hoover, just glad it wasn't mine!

as a student I have been sick in a taxi, in a train station, outside a very posh hotel wearing a ball gown, in the sink of a room I shared with a uni friend and outside a pub. I also threw up in the back of our car after a party and the passenger we were taking home had to sit in the back as I needed to be in the front to prevent more being sick

oh god, i have soooo many but

one of my male friends invited me round to a mainly male party and I ended up vomiting into the square washing up bowl. tipping it up on his back garden and it looked like a a BIG square of tinned corned beef \

ended up in bed wondering what the hell had happened

there ahve been many though, that is the cleanist

I am an emetophobe and couldn't help reading some of these posts before the revulsion set in. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!! KEEP ME AWAY FROM THIS THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stop readin lonelymum are you a sadist or something?

masochist

A sadist would he making her read it and laughing while he/she did it

masochist even

having to hose pernod and black flavoured vomit off someone's patio the next morning and cider vomit from under the front floor mats of a 2CV.

i just asked suzy, sorry i am pmsl at my thickness