polygamy

[Mytwopenceworth]

ahould marriage to more than one person be legal here?

freedom of choice? family instability?

Topic for debate?

people are assuming that we are talking about the number of women outnumbering the number of men. what about a marriage where the reverse is true? say 1 woman and 2 men. would women find this as offputting as 2 women and 1 man? or what about groups of larger than 3?

what about the benefits of shared child rearing and a larger combined income?

on the other hand, can a group be stable for any length of time or would jealousy inevitably destroy the home?

I would hate to be in a relationship where I had to share my dh with someone else, and to know that someone else had the same level of intimacy with him. I can see the point in your post about there being same-sex partners within the home for support and so on, but I don't think my dh needs to take another wife for me to have that level of friendship or support from another woman.

I wouldn't want another husband either; the one I already have is hard enough work as it is! Married life can be complicated enough as it is, without adding in extra complications like more wives.

x posts fio 2 - yes, shared chores too!! and would women form a bond together and become mates? or would competition to be alpha wife (or whatever term!!) spell disaster?!

Good gawd! One man is enough of a mess-making machine, I can't imagine two! And then your risk of getting pregnant again is even higher if you're boinking two at the once.

Nope. Not even factoring jealousy in, polyandry is just plain and simple too much of a PITA for me.

There are very few societies where polyandy is the norm, or even accepted at all. Nepal is the only example that I can think of. Polygamy is normaly one many, multiple wives and is often a male control thing.

I think it's human nature for some to strive to be the 'alpha' - that's why we see it among women as well as men and why I think polygamy is pants.

I dont want one gamy let alone lots of them.

I do think the drive to be "alpha" would be more heightened in a polygamous relationship - competition to be the favoured wife/husband, competition to gain favour from the partner.

And god help the unit if one had a drug free delivery and the other a section! or one stole grapes and the other had a table cloth fetish!

do you not think that human beings can evolve emotionally to the point where they can live in cooperative family groups of more than 2 adult partners, seeing the benefits to child rearing, finance, companionship etc as outweighing who has sex with who? or does the bond between 2 people create the best family?

the wife would only be for me, not my H. Did I mention that? but not for sex, as I detailed before

I just want a housemaid really

Well, seeing as that they haven't done that in billions of years no, no I don't see that happening. There will always be those who want to be the alpha. And as long as that exists in human nature, polygamous relationships will oppress some.

I think it's hard enough to live with one partner. Look at all the instances of infidelity, jealousy, insecurity as it is. Some say that polygamy reduces this because nothing is going on secretly. I disagree. It would destroy me to hear my husband having sex with someone else in the next room. How would you feel if you couldn't conceive watching all his other wives becoming pregnant? Who feels they don't get enough attention as it is? Want to divide what you do have by 2,3,4? Want your man not to worry too much if you're upset with him? Why should he if he has two other women who think he's fabulous?

How would you feel if you'd spent years getting him over a breakdown, clearing it up when he was sick, washing the skidmarks out of his pants, etc and then he brings in a woman 10 years younger and you have to accept her as an equal for his affections? What does a wife in a polygamous family have for herself? You share your home, your children, your husband's penis and affections.

Why are there not many girls born for each boy if this is a God-ordained thing? And if it isn't, what's the point anyway?

The person with many partners is the only one who benefits.

And I don't think it's emotionally mature to live in a polygamous way. I think it's more what you what call emotionally repressed, since feeling anything for your partner is bound to cause agony.

What would be emotionally mature would be to be faithful to a normal marriage.

Anorak, well said! Agree 100%

If most of the men on earth disappeared for some reason there weren't enough to go around would you agree with it then?

No! We're talking about nature's way - if most of the men disappeared in a war for example, nature would have it sorted within 20 - 30 years - not long enough for such a big sociological change to work.

I don't have a problem with this being legal. I don't think I'd go in for it, but whatever. (I think marriage shouldn't just be about kids, or even sex. Two long-term friends want the benefits of marriage? Why not?)

I always liked the idea of living in a commune (without partner-sharing), as I do think kids, at least mine, are happier being raised in a big scrum. But I suspect it would be all politics and in-fighting, as so many things are.

Ahh but what about the women who wanted babies during that time? Do they just bottle up the urge? Let their genetic line die with them?

To be serious, don't think many women would be happy unless it was a forced issue the scenario above.

It's not that common cos the bloke needs to be VERY rich.

Message withdrawn

Pruni, from what I know, the polygyny that works well, works similarly - a man marries women who are all related, ideally sisters. That way, they get along better than random unrelated women would, and care for each other's kids, as at least they're related.

Message withdrawn

i dont see why not if it floats yer boat

pruni, are you my sister? Why didn't you tell me you were on mn?

custardo, I think in the vast majority of cases (polygyny) it can't be anything but oppressive to women. By the very nature of it the husband is important and the wives are not in the same way that any scarce commodity becomes the more valuable. Put one man and three women in a relationship together and if they don't start behaving like battery hens they are seriously repressed.

Would like more than one husband not for the sex but one to go out to work, one to do the housework and one as a spare in case the others broke down.