Am I being totally pathetic about this?

[rickman]

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No. He's being a twat. Have you got any lawyers involved?

Put him off about pr until you get equity and tell him he won't get it, and csa will be after him for money?

I a not in your situation rickman but have often wondered how people can sleep at night when they have not contributed properly to their children's upkeep.

(Have read your posts with open mouthed amazement over the last few months and admire your strength and resilience tremendously,as well as the time and energy you put into supporting people in similar situation.
Know it's not much use to you now,but just wanted to say it. Hope things get better for you and soon.)

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that equality has nothing to do with the ki8ds, he is using it as a hold over you, he is still trying to control you!

Doesnt sound like youre being pathetic to me, just as though youre really peed at someone who is acting like a complete git, which you are perfectly entitled to be seen as he is supposed to be the father of your children.

Does he mean you wont get money from the house until he has PR, or does he just mean regular maintenance for the kids?

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Quite right, mosschops. I'd let the CSA after him.

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teklll him to stop being such a twat and remind that as a grown up you want the children to see him as they love him, it has nothing to do with money. He is a twonk. What does he think the PR will acheive as you have let him have contact anyway??? and why does he think this = money. i can see why you are upset and angry with him, he doesnt get it does he?

have you seen your solicitor?

do you want to come down next week for the day?

He's an idiot - get your solicitor involved and tell your ex to grow up.

It does sound as though you know what the crack is with the equity/CSA/solicitor etc.. but it must be galling to have to deal with this bloke. He does sounds like a complete arse and I really hope that this all sorts itself out sooner rather than later so you can at least try to distance yourself from him (as much as you can from father of you kids!)

Do you feel that he is genuinly bothered about the kids? Do the kids enjoy being with him?

Problem is, if he were to go to court to get pr, he would undoubtedly get it, so it isn't something you could withhold for any length of time anyway.

Perhaps the way to deal with it is to point out that linking the two issues is obviously his way of making the children a commodity to sell or buy, but that, if that's the way he wants it, then fine. Probably won't help you, but it might make him feel a bit shabby.

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I know it's not automatic, but you have to show pretty good reason why he shouldn't have it when he is the children's father. Simply because he acts like an *rse most of the time isn't, unfortunately, considered good enough reason by the courts. I suspect there was a good reason why your ex-p didn't get it.

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I said that because I know (at least from what rickman has posted) that, although her ex-p is an rse generally, he hasn't shown himself to be irresponsible or neglectful of the children (apart from the sunburn episode). The courts are very* reluctant to make any order which is likely to lessen contact between children and a parent, so the reasons for refusing pr have to be fairly cogent.

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And I should add that having pr doesn't really mean an awful lot in a practical sense. At the end of the day, rickman is the primary carer and her ex-p having pr won't change that.

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