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Original poster

I want to ask my friend if I can stay overnight at her home with my sons....

16 replies

tigermoth · 20/07/2005 07:20

I have an old friend who lives in Brighton. She has two daughters aged 8 and 12. Most years I visit Bighton once during the summer and see her. Very occasionally we meet up in London. In the past, when I have seen her in Brigton, I have usually stayed in a youth hostel, as I didn't want to inflict a toddler on her. Or I have just gone for a day trip.

But this year my youngest son is nearly 6 and would happily fit in with the older children. I am saving up for our holiday and would rather not pay to stay overnight somewhere in Brighton. Also, age is catching up with me and I don't fancy driving to and from Brighton in a day - can be a two hour trip each way if the traffic is bad.

So, do you think it's cheeky to ask her outright if we can stay one night at hers during the school holidays? She has a three bedroom house, but no guest room, and has never offered to put us up. I don't want to put her on the spot, and realise, as she lives in Brighton, she probably has to fend off lots of requests for overnight stays. She has friends she already stays with in London, so doesn't stay with us - I have offered this in the past but she's never taken up the offer.

On the other hand, she seems keen to see us.

OP posts:
Freckle · 20/07/2005 07:23

Could you not offer her the opportunity to suggest you stay by indicating that you'd love to see her, but due to other commitments you just can't afford to pay for overnight accommodation? If she doesn't offer, chances are she would have said no if you'd asked. If she really wants to see you, I'm sure she won't mind putting you up for one night.

Fran1 · 20/07/2005 08:04

If she has the space and you are good friends, then yes i'd ask. Tell the truth - you can't afford a hostel, you'll understand if she wants to say no, but could you stay?

Maybe suggest you'll bring the ingredients for dinner, or take them out for dinner so she realises you're not going to eat her out of home.

I really wouldn't find it cheeky for anyone to ask me, if i had the space i'd welcome them, but the truth is we just don't have the room for people to stay here - the most we ever have is one person on the sofa, but i'm not offended at all then. Quite enjoy a busy household!

Original poster
tigermoth · 20/07/2005 08:22

I'd happily bring ingredients for a meal, or wine. I could be indirect and say I can't really afford overnight accommodation this year and with the traffic, the drive is too much in a day. I have a feeling though, if I do this and don't ask her directly, she might just ignore the hint say, 'oh is only we had a guest room, I'd put you up here...'

The thing is, now our children are older and can amuse themselves easier, I will begin to feel resentful if she doesn't offer. But why should I have to pay for accommodation every time in order to see her? But am I being fair here? She hates driving to London, so I am doing the all the running if I want to see her.

OP posts:
Fran1 · 20/07/2005 08:55

Does she have a spare room? or at least room for three of you to sleep there?

If so, go for it and ask her.

I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised. Its only for one night!

WideWebWitch · 20/07/2005 09:17

I have a poxy 2 bed house and a friend with 3 children and they've stayed! We all squeezed in somehow. I think in your position I'd ask her if you can stay and see what she says. If she says we haven't got room, well, I wouldn't go in your position.

WideWebWitch · 20/07/2005 09:19

You are being fair, definitely. None of my friends would dream of paying for accomodation if they come to see me and that's applied when I've lived in Devon or London or here. Or Bath come to that, which is a tourist destination too. You've offered in the past too so it's not as if you are asking for something you wouldn't offer yourself.

Twiglett · 20/07/2005 09:43

don't see an issue with asking pleasantly and saying you'll totally understand if its not convenient but would it be possible

(I just had a friend and her 2 daughters staying a night when I have no kitchen, dining room and there's boxes all over the place .. it works somehow)

tarantula · 20/07/2005 09:54

Id ask. Very surprised that she hasnt offered to put you up before. Surely she must have room in a 3 bed house.
We have a 2up/2down and have put up my parents and 2 of my sisters and one of their bfs for a weekend without a problem. Ok it was a bit of a squash but thats part of the fun of having guests isnt it?

eefs · 20/07/2005 10:12

If you think she might not notice an indirect request then be direct - you'll only get embarrassed otherwise. All she can do is say no.

I always offer a room but sometimes feel that I am embarrassing people into staying in my little hovel complete with early morning wake-up in the shape of my young ds's when they may have preferred a nice hotel nearby. Do you think she may be reluctant to make the offer for that reason?

Prufrock · 20/07/2005 20:34

not cheeky at all - and if she thinks it is, she's not a decent friend IMHO. (unless of course she comes up with a very real and understandable excuse)

bubble99 · 20/07/2005 21:14

I agree with Prufrock. Not much of a mate if she can't put you up for a night. As I've got older, friends who don't 'muck-in' and make an effort are off the Christmas-card list. I would be mortified if any friend of mine spent the night in a youth hostel instead of checking out my grimy bathroom.

Jimjams · 20/07/2005 21:22

guest room? We don't have a guest rooom but we have all and sundry staying with us (including ghosty- although her dad was worried she was off to meet a brothel keeper) - we have 2 guests this weekend- one on the futon in the study- one on an airbed in the front room. As ling as guests realise that there is no privacy (ds1 doesn't do shut doors) and they don't mind ds1 climbing into bed wiith them and ds2 pestering them to play snakes and ladders the more the merrier.

Original poster
tigermoth · 21/07/2005 07:08

I asked and my friend immediately said yes!. Now I wish I'd done this ages ago! Brighton here we come!

It was one of those make or break questions, and if she had said no (or even hesitated) for no good reason, I can honestly say it would have put our 20 year friendship in deep jeopardy.

It was so useful to see your messages - thanks a lot. I just wanted to make sure I was not overstepping the boundaries.

Jimjams, what's all this about Ghosty and the brothel keeper....

OP posts:
Freckle · 21/07/2005 07:12

Great news. Visit to Brighton secure and a 20 year friendship saved.

WideWebWitch · 21/07/2005 07:16

Fab!

Original poster
tigermoth · 21/07/2005 07:27

yes, I was really relieved!

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